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Emperor's Heir - Chapter 14

by shieldmaiden


Chapter 14

The next morning, I got up early to meet the General. This time I had better attire. After Nalda had seen the state of my dress from yesterday, she immediately gave me some discarded garments belonging to a previous servant. The material was sturdy and plain, while its skirt did not drag on the floor like the dresses that hung in the wardrobe. Yet, it resembled a similar style, being bound nicely at my waist and hanging in flowing, loose folds about my legs. I was so pleased that I hugged Nalda till she could barely breathe.

Now I was making my way through the training yards to the palace gate.

The yards were full of soldiers, formed in straight lines that were cut into squares. Each teacher stood in front of his men, barking out orders and rebuking harshly on any mistake. I paused to watch for a moment, intrigued by the regimental discipline. Other women hovered to watch as well. But they had stopped for other reasons.

A group of men were sparring not far from where the group of ladies stood. Since it was a hot day, the men were fighting shirtless, their toned muscles glistening with sweat. The women watched them eagerly and giggled amongst themselves in fake embarrassment. I smiled and shook my head.

I was just about to continue along my way, when I spotted Prince Iyagi at the far corner of the yard. He was sparring with the Prince of Baesinja and his guard was watching them both from the sidelines. His arms were crossed and a smirk stretched across the guard’s face as he watched his master grunt with effort as the prince tried to deflect every aggressive stroke that Prince Bada thrust.

Curious, I moved across the yard to get a closer look. It appeared that Prince Iyagi was on the defensive. And apparently losing. I covered my mouth as the Prince took a punch to the gut.

I see you mocking me,” he called out with a muffled groan.

I froze, thinking he meant me. I nearly stepped forward to apologize when the guard called back in answer, “I had warned you not to accept the challenge. But you didn’t listen.”

I never do,” grunted Iyagi, clutching his stomach, “Does that surprise you?”

No,” the guard admitted, “But it was poor thinking to take on such a duel in the first place.”

Do you admit defeat?” Prince Bada’s voice was low and growled in the back of his throat like some wild beast. His eyes burned like deep, smoky cinders, dimmed for but a moment when Iyagi waved weakly, conceding. Only then did Prince Bada sheath his sword in a single fluid motion, before turning on his heel and left.

Pleasant fellow,” Iyagi muttered as the guard helped him to stand, “How were you even playmates?”

We weren’t … exactly,” replied the guard seriously, “I trained with him – but that never made us comrades.”

Right,” Iyagi agreed, brushing the dust off his sleeves, “You were busy getting rather close with someone else. Have you talked to her yet?” Iyagi’s teasing tone caused the guard’s face to flush red.

I don’t think she even remembers me,” he mumbled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Feeling as if I was eavesdropping, I started to tiptoe away.

Princess?”

I halted and turned slowly back around.

It is you,” Iyagi cried as he ran up and took my hand, “I didn’t recognize you at first. What are you doing going around dressed like that? You almost look like a maid-servant.” He glanced down at my clothes, before bowing solemnly over my hand. “But your regal air and delicate beauty throw off your disguise,” he murmured, grazing his lips across my fingertips, “Who are you trying to hide from, sweet lady?”

Laughing, I pulled my hand away. “No one,” I replied, “I just … I wanted to wear something comfortable for a change.” Iyagi nodded, accepting my excuse. “I was sorry to see you lose,” I said, changing the subject.

Ah, that.” He shook his head cheerfully. “Happens all the time. But never to Nakai here.” Iyagi grabbed his guard by the arm and pulled him forward. “He’s the best swordsman I’d ever seen.”

I bowed slightly. “Pleased to meet you, Nakai.”

The guard bowed respectfully, but said nothing. His eyes looked disappointed, as if a hope had just died in them.

It’s a wonderful coincidence that our paths should cross, Your Highness,” Iyagi said, “It was my intention today to call upon you and invite you to a birthday celebration.”

Whose?” I asked.

My own.”

Then I accept your invitation,” I said with a jolly smile, “When’s it to be?”

Tomorrow.”

Oh,” I gasped, “That doesn’t leave me much time to find a present.”

That’s the point,” Iyagi calmly stated, “I enjoy having a good time – and as soon as possible. I do not need gifts but only the pleasure of your company.”

Blushing, I stammered, “Well, I will try to find something anyway.”

In that case, I shall look forward to it.” The Prince bowed graciously.

I then realized how late it had gotten for my meeting with the General. Hastily, I bid both the Prince and Nakai good-bye and ran the rest of the way to the palace gate.

The General was already there waiting.

You’re late,” he said gruffly, as soon as I came panting over to his side.

I’m sorry, Sir,” I apologized, “I met some friends and …”

I don’t want to hear excuses or explanations,” interrupted the General forcefully, “When you work with me you are to arrive on time. Do I make myself clear?”

I hung my head. “Yes, Sir.”

Good. Follow me.”

Meekly, I followed the General as he past the gate and began walking down a path that led into the forest. The path was very well-paved with bushes and flowers planted carefully along its sides. Thickets of trees had been trimmed down to allow sunlight to shine down upon the delicate blossoms. Up ahead, in the middle of a crossways, was a beautiful marble fountain with water pouring out of a nymph maiden’s mouth. Stepping closer, I tilted my head to study her. Her face was carved to look sorrowful and her hands were stretched out imploringly. I found myself feeling sorry for her, till a bug crawled out of her hollow eye, causing me to grimace with disgust.

This way.” The General left the path, jumping over the bushes and ran into the woods.

Quickly, I chased after the General. However, the General was a trained veteran, and I was unconditioned from spending weeks as a pampered princess in the palace. I started to pant heavily and a stitch began to prick in my side. The General did not slow down, and to my dismay, I watched as his back grew smaller and smaller, till it faded completely out of sight.

Giving up, I hunched over and gulped in big breaths of sweet air. “Da*n,” I cursed breathlessly, “First day of training and I’ve lost my trainer.” I raised my head and looked around. “And apparently I’ve lost myself too.”

I was standing in a very pretty part piece of unfamiliar wood. Beams of light shone through the trees, casting a warm glow down upon the mossy forest floor. A couple of flowers sprouted under a wandering ray of sunlight and they stretched their petals eagerly towards its warmth. Dragonflies flitted and zoomed across. The thick leaves shaded me from the sun’s oppressing heat.

A tranquil peace had settled in this place. It was so calm and peaceful that is eased my anxious heart. I closed my eyes for a moment to listen to the whispering of the wind.

Come … come … come

I opened my eyes and spun sharply. There was no one there. Nevertheless, I was sure that I had heard a voice. It was soft and airy, like the wind. Perhaps the wind had really spoken?

I shook my head and chuckled at myself. “I’m spending so much time with Nalda, I’ve become superstitious.”

Nevertheless, for a moment I stood very still. The wind grew stronger, causing long strands of hair to escape from my braid and streak across into my face. I had just convinced myself that I had imagined it, when the breeze called out again.

Come … please

I took a step forward.

Yes … child … this way

Slowly, I followed the drifting voice. It always sounded afar off and echoed, as if bouncing off cold, stone walls. With every tentative step I took, the voice encouraged me as it continued to guide me through the forest.

Slowly I walked over a lush green glen. Then I was guided through an eerie grove of trees with spindly branches that were stripped bare and tore at my hair. Finally, I was led along a cold, sparkling brook till I reached the summit of a cliff.

Looking carefully over, I watched the water rush over the cliff’s edge and pour into a pond far below at its bottom. The pool looked so clear and pure that I wanted to jump right in off the shelf of rock I was standing on. However, it was too far down and the pond was surrounded by sharp jagged pieces of rock.

Under … waterfall

What is?” I asked. The voice didn’t reply.

Curious, I started to climb down the slope. Slowly, I inched my way down. I was close to approaching more level ground when a loose rock suddenly skidded out from beneath my foot.

Immediately, I tumbled head over heels and rolling about wildly, till I found myself plummeting over the cliff’s edge. Screaming in terror, I flailed my arms out. My fingers snagged and caught a piece of twine which I clutched at fearfully. The vine swung out, tearing my body through the air till I collided with the cliff’s face.

Bruised, I slowly peeked to look. Something wet was sliding across my forehead and into my eyes, so that my vision was blurred. Slowly, I glanced down. There, looking back up at me were the toothy smiles of heavy cut boulders, their greedy mouths open and waiting. Gasping, I quickly looked back up.

Bearing my full weight, the twine slid through my fingers, burning them as I continued to hold on with all my strength. Staring up I found that I was hanging far from the top of the ledge.

With great care, I slowly shifted my weight and clawed my fingers against the stones, trying to find a crevice or some kind of hold against the rock. The twine groaned in protest as it strained dangerously in my grasp. Carefully, I stretched my legs out and pried my feet slowly against the rock.

At last they managed to find some crevices in the cliff, creating footholds. Letting go with one hand, I place my fingers in a crack of stone above my head.

At that moment the twine snapped!

Flung off balance, my free hand threw itself desperately against the wall, slashing itself against a sharp, pointed stone. Gritting my teeth against the cut, I found another crevice for my hand ignoring the pain as loose pebbles dug their way into my open skin. My plan had been to try to climb my way up.

But now I was too scared to move. Angry, frightened tears coursed their way down my cheeks as I hugged the rock’s surface with my entire shaking body. Terrified, I screamed out a loud, frustrated shriek for help.

Hello?” A voice called back. “Is someone there?”

Here! Down here,” I cried back desperately.

A head came into view as a young man looked over the cliff’s edge. It was Nakai.

Are you hurt?” he asked anxiously.

No. Please help me!” I pleaded.

Hang on! I have some rope. Just stay very still while I tie it around something secure.”

The man disappeared, and a minute later, I heard him give a grunt. Then I heard his footsteps as he came back. A second later a rope was cast down and hit my head.

Quickly, I grabbed a hold of the cord gratefully. Together, with the man pulling and me climbing, we managed to get me to the top safely. Panting, I crawled away from the ledge.

Thankyou!” I gasped in relief.

Your Highness,” Nakai said looking surprised to see me, “What are you doing out in the woods? So far from the palace?”

I needed a break,” I said, choosing not to tell the guard that I had been following voices to my doom.

And you got lost?” Nakai asked, as he untied the rope from around a tree trunk and began to wind it back up.

It’s a big forest,” I quipped back, getting to my feet.

He smirked. “Yes, it is.”

Do you know the way back?” I asked.

I do and if Her Highness would honor me, it would be a pleasure to escort her back,” he said with a bow.

It would be my pleasure,” I replied with a weak laugh.

Nakai turned and started down a path of long, harvest grass he had cut through prior to finding me. I followed directly behind, and for a time we walked in companionable silence.

Then a grass blade slid its slender body across my cut. I hissed in pain.

Nakai spun around. “You’re hurt!” he cried, approaching me and grabbing my hand before I could hide it.

It’s just a scratch,” I said trying to pull away.

The guard’s grip was strong and he wouldn’t let me go. He examined the cut before taking out a knife and cut the bottom of his shirt. Tearing off a long strip, Nakai carefully wrapped the band round and round my hand. Embarrassed, I stood very still as the guard bound my wound.

Thank you,” I murmured when he’d finished.

He gave me a quiet nod and then continued ahead. Once we reached a clearing in the woods, I began to walk alongside him.

So, Nakai,” I began awkwardly, “What’s it like to be Prince Iyagi’s guard?”

The man chuckled. “Difficult.”

I nodded, not sure what else to say.

What’s it like being a princess?”

I pursed my lips. “Not sure – but I don’t think I’m getting it right.”

How so?”

I just can’t shake this feeling that I’m doing everything wrong.” I shrugged. “Perhaps it’s only my own self-doubt.”

Perhaps that’s a good thing,” Nakai suggested.

What do you mean?” I asked, slightly affronted.

It’s only that,” he began, “I’ve observed you don’t follow the rules like most other princesses, because you are not like the others. You are openhearted and kind, yet strong in spirit. You have not let the palace life stifle your joy which you gladly share with others.”

You observed all that?” I asked. “We just met.”

The guard looked away and stared deep into the forest. “True,” he agreed quietly.

For a moment we continued on, neither saying a word. After a while I couldn’t take the silence any longer.

So,” I started, “How did you and Iyagi meet?”

A grin appeared on the guard’s face. “Our fathers were close friends. I lived in the palace of Yosae since a young boy. When the prince came back from his ten-year stay with the Emperor, we were always getting into scrapes together.” Nakai stroked his chin. “I think that the first time we actually met was when we both snuck into the larder for some food and got caught. Naturally we were punished together. Since then I’ve never left his side.”

You seem very fond of him,” I said.

He’s my best friend. I would trust him with my life.”

I thought of Boja back in the Capitol and heaved a sigh.

Is something wrong, Your Highness?” Nakai asked.

No, I just miss my friends.”

You don’t have any friends here?”

Yes, I do.” I remembered Nalda and Usan. “But I can’t help but long for those I’ve left behind.”

Oh.” Nakai paused for a moment. “What was your life like in the Capitol?” he asked curiously.

I smiled and twirled. “I was as free as bird.”

What did you do?”

Nakai sounded genuinely interested, so I told him of how I assisted Grandma when she needed extra help on her late-night visits to cure an ill neighbor, and of how Grandpa would make me laugh with his emphatically elaborate stories. The guard listened so intently that I found myself relax.

I told him how happy I was when Grandma would allow me to go into the woods alone to gather herbs for her.

Her back was starting to ache and her eyesight was poor,” I said, “I was glad to help and the job was very important. And I learned a lot. Besides figuring out which herb cured what ailment, I also discovered much about the plants’ habitats, what times to harvest to ensure maximum potency, and whether to gather the roots or the leaves.”

Your grandmother must miss you terribly,” Nakai said quietly, “Your other friends also.”

I smiled sadly. “Yes. They’re probably getting into terrible scrapes now that I’m gone.”

Your friends often get in trouble?”

Yes, but as long as we worked together, we always found a way out.”

Nakai’s brow furrowed. “What are they like?”

Rough and coarse – no manners whatsoever,” I laughed, “But underneath their tough exterior beat hearts that are true and loyal to a fault.”

I enthusiastically went on to talk about each of the boys and their characters. I explained how Boja was a natural leader and how Ja was always being underestimated because of his height and skinny build, though many paid for it afterwards. Nakai laughed when I described Koulow’s senseless antics, his sensitivity over his beard and his eagerness to rush headlong into trouble.

But I grew quiet when I began to describe Yahi.

He is special,” I pondered aloud, “Yahi is very clever. He always plans ahead and is gifted with keen eyesight to see into the future. But he isn’t shrewd like others would expect.” I looked up to see if Nakai understood what I meant. The guard was listening attentively to every word. “Yahi is quiet and sweet,” I continued, “Yet, despite being kind and gentle, he is a fierce fighter when it comes to defending those he loves.”

Your friends sound very brave,” Nakai commented, “Are they soldiers?”

No … but they want to be.” I realized I had been talking for hours without discretion. I hoped I hadn’t said too much about our efforts as a justice league.

Your life sounds very exciting. Did you happen to ever meet ‘The Protector’?”

Who?” I asked tremulously. I focused hard on the moss-covered log I was trying to climb over.

You don’t know who that is?” Nakai seemed very surprised.

No … I do,” I confessed, “But how did you ever hear about him? Isn’t he just a rumour?”

The Emperor doesn’t think so.” The guard gave a grunt as he jumped over the fallen tree after me. “His Majesty has commended ‘The Protector’ and his great, courageous works. He even called him ‘the lifeblood of the Capitol’.”

I turned in surprise. “When did you hear that?”

Nakai coughed and turned red. “I escorted Prince Iyagi on many of his visits to the Palace when he visited His Majesty. I was present for most of their conversations.”

At that moment a twig snapped in front of us and there was a movement in the bushes. Nakai grabbed me by the arm, pushing me behind him as he drew his sword quickly. The leaves rustled as the big, dark figure of a man approached us slowly.

Kkachi – I knew that a woman’s perception of direction has often been judged as futile, but you have proven it nearly hopeless.” It was General Dal. And he did not look too pleased. I stepped out from behind Nakai’s back and gestured helplessly, palms upright.

I apologize, Sir. These woods are unfamiliar to me,” I said as Nakai sheathed his sword cautiously, his head turning to glance curiously between the two of us.

General Dal eyed me severely. “You’re a mess,” he stated, gazing at the dirt smudged across my face, the scrapes on my hands, and my torn clothes. “What happened?”

I fell off a cliff, but Nakai here-” I gestured to the guard beside me. “He saved me.”

The general turned and bowed graciously to Nakai. “You have my gratitude,” he said, “Thank you for rescuing my pupil.”

Pupil?” Nakai turned and looked at me with surprise.

As of this morning,” General Dal replied, giving a curt nod, “Our session did not last long.”

You mean … you are still willing to teach me?” I asked, my brows raised.

The general scowled before nodding. “I saw your talent yesterday, when you were playing with the boy. I was under the impression that you were a local and should have some knowledge of the woods around the palace.” He looked about at the greenery around us. “Though it appears I judged wrongly.”

I’m sorry, Sir, for the misunderstanding,” I apologized again hastily, “I lived in the Capitol most of my life and have only arrived here some months ago.”

Nakai twitched beside me, and though I did not look his way, I could feel his heated stare on the back of my head.

Well, we shall begin afresh tomorrow,” grunted General Dal, “Meet me where the paths cross in the park at noon.” Without another word, he left.

With the general gone, an unsettling silence fell among the glade and I shuffled my feet uncomfortably.

He doesn’t know,” Nakai stated.

Know what?” I asked, still staring at my toes.

That you are a Princess.”

Oh. That.”

I looked up and found the guard staring steadily back at me with a puzzled frown.

Promise you won’t say a word?” I asked fiercely. Surprisingly, an expression of hurt crossed over Nakai’s face. But it passed quickly and was replaced with a kind smile.

I’m your loyal servant, Your Highness.”

The general approached me yesterday and offered to train me after witnessing me instruct a … friend,” I explained, “He left before I could introduce myself properly and has no knowledge that I am the Princess due to having been out of province.”

But surely he will find out soon,” Nakai said.

I know,” I groaned, and collapsed on the fallen tree trunk.

Nakai took a seat beside me and put his bundle down. “You don’t want him to discover your true identity,” he observed, “Why?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure. Perhaps, I’m afraid that he will no longer accept me as a pupil. Or his manner will change and I will be treated with delicacy.”

Hmm.” Nakai nodded, understanding. He didn’t offer a word of advice, but remained by my side, keeping me company. After a few moments, he spoke up. “I didn’t know you could fight?” He sounded curious and interested.

I smiled sheepishly. “Yes,” I admitted, “But not very well.”

How about we have a match?” Nakai rose to his feet and drew his sword.

I scoffed. “Sure, that will be a fair fight,” I laughed as I raised my bare hands.

The guard cocked his head at me and smirked. “Have a little faith,” he said before tossing the blade far into the bushes.

Why did you do that?” I asked. Nakai didn’t answer, but went among a thicket of trees and bent down as if searching for something. Then he gave a cry of satisfaction and came back with two even branches. He handed one to me. Taking it, I rose and twirled it in my hand.

The weight good?” Nakai asked as I tested the branch’s balance.

It will suffice,” I replied before observing, “You realize this is a rather peculiar way for us to become friends.”

The guard shrugged. “I feel as if I’ve always known you,” he said.

You know … so do I,” I remarked.

You do?” A hint of hope could be heard in Nakai’s voice.

Yes.” I said as I smiled brightly. Then I attacked. Though the guard was taken by surprise, he quickly and deftly blocked my blows.

We sparred playfully for a time. The guard was clearly the most skilled of us two and gave me many helpful tips. He was so fast and graceful, that if I wasn’t so preoccupied in keeping up with him, I would have stepped back just to watch. His style of fighting was unlike any I’d ever seen. It felt like the flow of water itself. At times I would think I’d finally have the advantage when Nakai would pull a stunt that would catch me off guard.

Breathless, we tossed aside our sticks and began to walk towards the palace.

Can we have another sparring session sometime soon?” I asked eagerly.

Nakai chuckled. “Of course, Your Highness.”

Oh, and one more thing?”

Anything, Your Highness.”

Call me Kkachi.”


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461 Reviews


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Fri Aug 09, 2019 4:30 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



I have a theory...
It is probably wrong, but I'd thought I'd mention it anyway...
I thing Kkachi and Nakai are related.
I mean, at the banquet, did she not say, "My chocolate brown eyes." I mean, maybe I read it wrong, but I'm almost certain she said that.
I might not be able to review the next chapter for awhile, FYI. So, have a great weekend!




Awru says...


Hori!!!!! They r not. Just no. I am dying to give you spoilers but noooooooioooooooooooooooooo. I need to restrain myself *deep breaths*



Horisun says...


Oooohhh, are they in love?

Kkachi and Nakai, sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
First comes love, then marriage,
then comes officially adopting Usan!



Awru says...


OMGggg!!! U really can seee the future. I should never have doubted your skillsssssss <333333333333333. I dont know why i am ecstatic to hear those words from you *pulls hair in craziness*
But just you waiiittt!!



Awru says...


I feel bad for saying that now. Shield is gonna kill me. She despises spoilers



Horisun says...


XD



Awru says...


Wait a sec!! You didn't read the next chap Did you?? *narrows eyes*



Awru says...


I am going to review your chap now since i reviewed Shields *evil laughter*



shieldmaiden says...


Ha ha!!! Awru ... I see you and I'm going to get ya!!! (just kidding) Don't worry, you didn't give much away and Horisun will see when she will see. I'm glad that her comment grossed you out. Eww! Boy do I have to go check out that line that prodded her question.



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Fri Jun 14, 2019 3:13 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



I’m back again for another review! I hope you don’t get bored with them! ;)

Before I get on to the nitty gritty of this review, I just want to point out that almost every chapter starts the same. ‘The next morning,” or “A week later,”. Try to change it up a bit. Remember that the first sentence is usually what draws your reader in. After a while, it could get old to start with the same thing more often than not.

‘The guard bowed respectfully, but said nothing. His eyes looked disappointed, as if a hope had just died in them.’
This is a great sentence so don’t change it. I was hoping you would elaborate on it. Wouldn’t Kkachi think that it was strange? Especially after overhearing what she did. Maybe have her have one of those weird feelings where she feels like she should know him but doesn’t. I would really love it if you continued on with that. I know that you have plans but until those beautifully thought out plans are revealed, keep your readers in suspense. Keep reminding them that there is something strange about the guard but that Kkachi just can’t figure it out. Maybe make it annoy her a bit. Make it play with her mind.
This could just be me though. You know how much I love to make my characters struggle personally. ;)

‘Meekly, I followed the General as he past the gate and began walking down a path that led into the forest.’
This is just a small mistake but ‘past’ should be spelt like ‘passed’ or else you would be talking about history. ;)

‘Come … come … come’
AMAZING! What a way to hook your reader! I feel chills, I honestly do.

‘ “I’m spending so much time with Nalda, I’ve become superstitious.” ‘
This is good but I think it might sound better if you say ‘too much time’ instead of ‘so much time’. It flows better and sounds more realistic.

‘Slowly I walked over a lush green glen.’
This is the second paragraph in a row that you start with the same word. With either of them, you could use ‘cautiously’ (or your choice of word) instead. That way you wouldn’t be repeating yourself.

When she is falling from the cliff, have some more description in there. Is her heart in her throat from fear? Did the rocks scrape her hands as she desperately tried to gain control again? Colliding with the cliff would have left her feeling a little dizzy, wouldn’t it?
Something other users have told me is to put yourself in your characters position and think, “What would I do?” Also, write with the five senses. Hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting and smelling. Don’t forget them. It makes your writing more authentic. ;)

Ok, I know you’re probably getting sick of me but too bad. ;) I’m here!

So, one thing that I find a bit odd is how Kkachi just jumps into telling Nikai about her self-doubt. Would that be something you share with a stranger? I know she has a feeling about him but maybe have some small talk leading up to that. Or have a sentence or two about how she feels completely comfortable with him. Or that he has an appealing nature that made her want to tell him that for some reason.
It’s just a thought but it’s totally up to you! :D

PM me about Nikai and Iyagi. I don’t want to ruin anything for your other readers so I will tell you it there! ;)

I hope you keep Nikai as a very strong, independent man. Don’t make him to lovey about her. I don’t know if that’s what you plan but I have a small inkling that is EXACTLY what you are going to do. ;) Just keep him firm or else he won’t have his own character. Make him stand out!

Anyway, that’s all I found in this chapter. Other than those few things, it was very well done. It made me curious with the voices and laugh at her clumsiness. It made me roll my eyes at Iyagi’s endless flirting and smile at Nikai’s cuteness! You did a really good job keeping me interested. :) I’m also quite curious about the General. I don’t know if you have some crazy plan for him but I can’t help but feel you do. Maybe you don’t but I guess I’ll have to keep reading to find out!

Also, does Kkachi have a bit of a soft spot for Yahi? She sounded like she was a bit sweet on him…

Wonderful job! :D :D :D

My parting words…WRITE WITH THE FIVE SENSES! ;)

Your friend,
Honora




shieldmaiden says...


Hey there. Thanks for pointing out how I start each chapter the same. I didn't catch that and now I'll be able to fix it in the future. About the five senses ... I keep forgetting! Thanks for the reminder and I'll try harder. There's a reason why I like dialogue so much. ;) About your concern with regard to Nakai's feelings for Kkachi - don't worry. I like things to get sweet but I never found clinging guys interesting in books. I've written a lot already and so far Nakai has remained a grounded young man and eventually becomes great friends with Kkachi. As far as love goes however, I won't spoil it for the other readers.



Honora says...


I keep forgetting the sense too but everyone keeps reminding me till I eventually remember. That%u2019s why I keep reminding you! ;)
And I%u2019m glad to hear that!



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Mon Jun 10, 2019 6:14 pm
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Awru wrote a review...



Just one word for the whole story so far AHH-MAZING.The whole story,the well knit plot,the perfect character description everything is amazing.I am enjoying this immensely so far.The chapters are becoming better and better.The story line is becoming more and more grasping.I just can not find any fault in this story.It has all elements of a super interesting story.Honestly I absolutely LOVEEEEE it.It is much better then some of the books I have read.I am really eagerly waiting for the rest of the parts.You have seriously got me hooked.Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz post the next part as soon as possible before I die of curiosity.I seriously read all the chapters in one go.I just could not let go.😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍




shieldmaiden says...


Oh wow! I'm so glad you like it and really flattered. Thanks for all the likes and the encouraging comment. It made my day! :)



Awru says...


And plzz do not forget to tag me when you post the next chap.



shieldmaiden says...


Did that. Would you like me to continue to tag you for each chapter? Thanks for asking to be tagged! I'm super duper flattered!



Awru says...


Yass!!Honestly it is really good no butterings%uD83D%uDE09%uD83D%uDE09



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Wed May 29, 2019 5:53 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, shield! As you know I'm here to do a review on your chapter like always. And to help get it out the green room.

Okay let's start
So in this chapter I didn't see anything wrong, I thought it was really well written, and nothing needed to be fixed. So I will be talking about all the really good things I saw.

So I want to talk about General Dal for a little while.
First now that I know his character a little more, he doesn't seem like the right guy to train Kkachi, he seems really grumpy. And he didn't even realize Kkachi couldn't keep up with him when they were running through the woods. So I'm not sure how their training is going to go.

So that brings me to a new topic. I really want to talk about Nakai.
He seems like a really nice guy, and from what I can tell he knows Kkachi from somewhere, and maybe they were friends, so I think what his trying to do at the moment is build that friendship again, and trying to get Kkachi to remember him.
I also think that maybe he will start teaching Kkachi after her training with General Dal, when she fails. So things seem to be going rather well between them, and from what I can tell at the moment Nakai seems rather young, a bit older then Kkachi, so maybe Kkachi starts falling from him. I have no idea. It's just that she talked to him about her friends, and pretty much her whole life, so maybe she had feeling for him. I'll just have to wait and see.

I'm really digging your description at the moment, it's coming along really well, and the waterfall part, felt really real with the way you described it. But I will add one little thing there, when Kkachi fell off the edge, she did get wet didn't see?

Anyway that's all from me, I think this is one of he best chapters I have seen you do so far. Its really fun seeing your writing come along so well like this. So keep up the great work. Never stop writing otherwise I will have to yell at you. :P Post more soon, and have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




shieldmaiden says...


Thanks Phoenix. No Kkachi did not get wet 'cause she was taking a route down the cliff away from the waterfall. So she fell close to it, but along its side.





Ahh, okay. Silly me.



shieldmaiden says...


No, you're not silly. I just didn't describe it clearly. I shall fix that in the future. :)





I think you did a fine job describing it.





I think you did a fine job describing it.



shieldmaiden says...


Aw, thanks! :)





Your welcome!




If a story is in you, it has to come out.
— William Faulkner