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Emperor's Heir - Chapter 32

by shieldmaiden


Chapter 32

We reached the coast just as the sun dove back down, to once more hide his glorious face behind the horizon. As Agar continued to swim at increasing speed, I tried to peek above the waves to a better glimpse at the land. Then I blinked my eyes hard, my vision being blurred from the burning saltwater, and stared hard at the shoreline. For there, pacing up and down on the sand walked a familiar figure.

The person was male and tall in stature. He carried himself with confidence, but his head was bent as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. His hair was long and shone a glossy black in the moonlight. His face was covered by shadows.

Fear gripped my heart in a vice. It couldn’t be!

Iyagi?

As if he heard my voice crying out, the figure lifted his head and his face became immediately bathed in moonlight. It was the prince. But he hadn’t seen me yet. I became hyper aware of the magical rope wrapped tightly around my wrists.

Agar had noticed Iyagi too. His speed slowed just a notch and he dove beneath the waves, pulling me after him. Subconsciously, I took a deep breath before being plunged back into the sea. But I let my breath out in a heap of bubbles as soon as Agar halted.

He turned to me. “That human,” he snarled, “He waitsss for sssomeone.” He tugged me harshly to him till we were a breath apart. Snatching my face in his clawed hand, the kelpie lifted my chin and began running his nose down my neck. I flinched and clenched my hands so tightly that droplets of blood began to mingle with the foam of the sea.

My mind went numb with panic as all other thoughts fell silent. Only one continued to pulse, it’s echo growing ever stronger with each repeat.

Not him!

I closed my eyes to hide my fear from Agar. This entire time with the kelpies, I’ve never been truly afraid. Excited, even at times a little curious, but never scared, though I didn’t know why. But now… now a friend, a companion, maybe something even more … he was in close to Agar’s clutches. I couldn’t let the kelpie take him.

I snapped.

Squeezing my eyes tightly, I focused hard, taking a calming breath and listened. A small voice, tiny and nestled deep within the core of my soul like a little mouse, stirred. Then it awoke.

And it spoke.

It was more of a whisper and didn’t speak any words or dialect. Yet, I understood its meaning, because it was me. It was something that had always been there, but I had never known. A familiar feeling, like the way I knew that I loved kwama, a sweet pastry delicacy, though I never had any before I had come to the palace. I’d forgotten again.

The voice got stronger. It stretched its arms and I could feel my blood begin to tingle. It felt like fire was coursing through my veins the way a river of blood-red lava pours along the side of an exploding volcano. Not only fire, but electricity pooled its static all along my head and down to my fingertips.

A strange sense of peace overwhelmed my senses. My ears opened and suddenly I could really hear. The ocean was breathing. Not soft sighs. But, heavy and labored, like it was stirred and troubled. Agar was speaking to it. Coaxing it to do his dirty work. I could almost hear his hissing voice in my mind. He was throwing out his traps to lure Iyagi closer to the water. And I could hear the prince take a step on the soft sand. He was stepping closer to the edge of the shore.

Immediately I reached out my mind. The fire in my veins pulsed and the electric statics buzzed as I stretched out my hands, begging the ocean to hold back. The sea of water paused, startled.

I pleaded again, asking it to take back its waves from the shore. With very little extra prodding the ocean seemed happy to oblige. She tightened and squeezed and I felt the ocean grow smaller as the waves, that had lapped happily at the sandy shore moments before, were suddenly snatched away.

Iyagi’s steps halted.

I opened my eyes. Agar was floating a few paces away, turned away with his back facing me. He spun around, an aggressive sneer pasted on his face and his fingers clawed out like a bear’s, looking for the intruder who had interfered with his work. He saw no one except for his prisoner who was gazing back down at her tied hands.

Spinning back around with a slight hiss, Agar closed his own luminescent eyes to focus, his fingernails slowly growing longer like a cat’s. I could feel his power. It was stronger this time.

This time I didn’t need to focus. The fire flooded my blood, its electric energy pounding through my veins to every part of my body. I could feel the ocean shift back towards the shore, being pushed and scratched by Agar like a cat would to the sheer curtains of a window. I grasped at the ocean’s other end and pulled. She immediately halted, but Agar still had a good grip.

I felt the invisible rope tighten around my wrists. Red welts began to appear where the magical bounds twisted and squeezed. They continued to tighten till cuts broke into my skin and blood drifted into the sea. The pain distracted me for an instant and Agar jerked the ocean back to him. He immediately flooded the shore, drenching Iyagi in water and causing the prince to drift closer into the sea.

Now another feeling filled my body. It overwhelmed me and was so strong that it completely numbed the pain of the invisible twines cutting ever deeper through my wrists towards the bone. It was as hot as the electric fire.

Anger.

Grinding my teeth together, I sucked in a deep breath, clenched my fists and pulled. The magical twine snapped. Sparks of white light burst in circles around my hands and a pulse rippled through the water, pushing Agar so far that he spun in fast, little twirls. I could immediately feel the ocean slip from the kelpie’s hold.

Yanking with my mind, I forced the waves to fall back, leaving Iyagi gasping for breath back on the shore. However, I didn’t have time to feel any sort of satisfaction, for Agar had stopped spinning. The kelpie was seething with rage. He snarled with mouth wide open, pointy teeth glinting in the light, and hands clawed out to strike.

Tossing his head like a wild, mangy creature, the kelpie yowled before rushing forward with furious intensity. Frightened, I threw up my hands and braced for the blow. But the impact never came.

A strange force pulsed from my heart, flowing up to my shoulders, down to my hands and through my open palms, before shooting straight out. Like a stream of water, the force struck against Agar like a shield, pushing him back so hark that he flipped head over heels.

The kelpie righted himself quickly, black hair swishing around his head like a bunch of snakes. A range of expressions crossed his face. He looked shocked and slightly mortified, then confused, before morphing into anger. With a swish of his mighty tail, he was upon me again.

This time I had no time to react. His claws were around my neck before I even had the chance to lift my arms.

What are you!?” the kelpie hissed in my face. “You posssesss the powersss that ssshould only belong to creaturesss of the water!” His nails dug into my skin and I started to choke.

I opened my mouth several times like a codfish, but was unable to let out any sound. Frantically, I began hitting his hands, arms, shoulders … anything to try free myself. Agar’s hands only tightened around my throat, and for a brief moment I truly believed that he was about to snap my neck.

Then, the kelpie released me. “Explain yourssself,” he snarled.

I clutched at my neck and coughed, gasping for air. Thinking of the previous times Agar’s hands had been at my throat, I was dearly looking forward to when we would finally part.

I don’t know,” I managed to rasp out, “Something must have happened to me when I was little. But I can’t remember. Getting the ‘kelpie’s fin of truth’ is one of the keys I need that will help restore my memory. Then, and it’s really only a faint hope,” I paused to glare at the kelpie, “Then I may know pieces of my past and puzzle it all together.”

Agar sneered down at me. “You are a creature of land,” he spat, “And no such creature has ever beheld powersss of the sssea. You ssshould be eliminated.” He made to move towards me.

Instead of backing up, I swam closer towards the kelpie. “You think this doesn’t scare me,” I shouted, “I don’t know who I am, or how this is happening! You want answers? So do I, and I intend to risk my own life to get them.”

Agar calmed down and his eyes took on a neutral, blank expression. “You are ssstill willing to take on our misssion? What if we dessside to kill you after you come back?” His eyes narrowed. “If you come back.”

I lifted my chin. “We both have something the other needs. I will be coming back.”

The kelpie pondered for a bit. Though all caring emotions had left with his heart, the creature was incredibly logical. He knew that I spoke the truth.

Very well,” he spoke grudgingly, “Follow me.”

He turned and began swimming hard for the shore. However, I noticed that it was away from where Iyagi lay, who was still gasping from his unexpected toss in the sea.

Without the invisible line that had had me tethered to the kelpie, it was a struggle to keep up. Yet, Agar would wait for me catch up long enough so that he always remained within sight. It didn’t take long before we finally reached our destination.

It was a cove.


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Sat Jun 27, 2020 5:52 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hey! Its FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your chapter! Hope your ready? I would also like to say sorry for taking so long to getting to review this, I've been rather busy.
Anyway lets get started!

Ahead of time I'm going to go all out on this review!

May I say this was a really great chapter and I'll get to why very soon!

I'll start with the little things I saw!

The person was male and tall in stature.

I don't think you need to add those two words, the sentence is fine with out them.


I became hyper aware of the magical rope wrapped tightly around my wrists.

A hyphen is needed between those two.

maybe something even more … he was in close to Agar’s clutches.

Over here you don't need that word, this sentence will do fine with out it.

My ears opened and suddenly I could really hear.

That really don't feel needed here, it almost makes it sound a little off.

Grinding my teeth together, I sucked in a deep breath, clenched my fists, and pulled.

I think there is a comma needed between fists and, and. When I added it in if felt a little better.

Then, and it’s really only a faint hope,”

The really isn't needed here either.

Agar would wait for me to catch up long enough so that he always remained within sight.

The to is needed between me and catch.

Anyway that's all the little things I saw.

I would also like to say this was a really well written chapter and I loved every little thing about it, there was so much action, and you know how much I love action! I haven't had a chapter like this in a while! The fighting and emotions there were there was also really detailed!

I'm glad Iyagi is okay, I got really worried when he was being called to the sea. Though how did he get there? I don't remember him knowing anything about this world, or Kkatchi telling him anything about it! Ooooo could he be from this world? Better keep that in mind.

Poor Kkatchi she really has to fight hard and she's not out the dark yet. Hopefully Agar doesn't do anything else to her, and she finds what she's looking for.

I would also like to put out there that your description is just amazing! I wish I could show you all of them but that would be most of your chapter! XD But I'll just show you one.
The voice got stronger. It stretched its arms and I could feel my blood begin to tingle. It felt like fire was coursing through my veins the way a river of blood-red lava pours along the side of an exploding volcano. Not only fire, but electricity pooled its static all along my head and down to my fingertips.

I just love this one, its so detailed and I could just feel and see this it was so cool! And you entire chapter was like this!

Kkatchi's character is really starting to shine through and I'm getting rather excited what she will do next now with Iyagi looking for her and Agar wanting to kill her most of the time. So many questions!

This was a really fun chapter to read and I enjoyed everything about it, I'll try to get to the next chapter as soon as I can! I hope you will post again soon and have a great day or night!

Your friend and faithful reviewer
FlamingPhoenix!

Reviewing with a fiery passion.




shieldmaiden says...


Wow! This is a spectacular review! Thanks for catching all those errors. They are a big help and will aid the process of editing. I'm glad you enjoyed the action! It was fun to write but I haven't attempted it often and was afraid it would come across all wrong! I'm hugely relieved that you liked it. Very reassuring. You the best!





I'm glad it helped!
I always like action! And yours was really good! It was very intense!
Aww thanks!



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Sat May 02, 2020 3:12 pm
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Honora says...



Hey Cecy! Here for a quick review! ;)

So, to start off, the only thing to watch for are just a few spelling errors that can be caught with a second read so no big deal.

Another amazing chapter. It was definitely worth the wait but I wish I didn’t have to wait so long! You’re a pain! (Said with much love of course ;))

Although I barely got to see Iyagi, I was very excited to see him! I miss their witty bantering. It makes me feel normal :-P I really really hope that I can actually see him in the chapters to come cuz if not, I may have to pay you a visit.

I’m quite intrigued with Agar. He seems quite interesting and leaves me wondering whether he will attempt to kill her when she returns. I want to say yes but I’m not sure.

Also, SHE CAN CONTROL THE WATER!???!???!??? Whaaaaat!? That threw me for a loop. I’m not sure if you mentioned this before or not but I honestly can’t remember. But wow. Didn’t see that coming.

Anyways, awesome job!

Your friend,
Honora <3




Honora says...


I also have no idea why it posted so many times lol sorry! XD



shieldmaiden says...


Hee hee! Thanks my girl!!! Glad you liked it.



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Sat May 02, 2020 5:02 am
Honora says...



Hey Cecy! Here for a quick review! ;)

So, to start off, the only thing to watch for are just a few spelling errors that can be caught with a second read so no big deal.

Another amazing chapter. It was definitely worth the wait but I wish I didn’t have to wait so long! You’re a pain! (Said with much love of course ;))

Although I barely got to see Iyagi, I was very excited to see him! I miss their witty bantering. It makes me feel normal :-P I really really hope that I can actually see him in the chapters to come cuz if not, I may have to pay you a visit.

I’m quite intrigued with Agar. He seems quite interesting and leaves me wondering whether he will attempt to kill her when she returns. I want to say yes but I’m not sure.

Also, SHE CAN CONTROL THE WATER!???!???!??? Whaaaaat!? That threw me for a loop. I’m not sure if you mentioned this before or not but I honestly can’t remember. But wow. Didn’t see that coming.

Anyways, awesome job!

Your friend,
Honora <3




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Thu Apr 30, 2020 8:33 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Cecy! Here for a quick review! ;)

So, to start off, the only thing to watch for are just a few spelling errors that can be caught with a second read so no big deal.

Another amazing chapter. It was definitely worth the wait but I wish I didn’t have to wait so long! You’re a pain! (Said with much love of course ;))

Although I barely got to see Iyagi, I was very excited to see him! I miss their witty bantering. It makes me feel normal :-P I really really hope that I can actually see him in the chapters to come cuz if not, I may have to pay you a visit.

I’m quite intrigued with Agar. He seems quite interesting and leaves me wondering whether he will attempt to kill her when she returns. I want to say yes but I’m not sure.

Also, SHE CAN CONTROL THE WATER!???!???!??? Whaaaaat!? That threw me for a loop. I’m not sure if you mentioned this before or not but I honestly can’t remember. But wow. Didn’t see that coming.

Anyways, awesome job!

Your friend,
Honora <3




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Sun Apr 26, 2020 11:51 pm
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Mea wrote a review...



Hey there, shieldmaiden! I saw that this work is still in the Green Room, so I thought I'd drop by and review it on this fine Review Day.

First off, I wanted to say wow, this is an awesome, action-packed chapter. Even though I haven't read the rest of the story (sorry) I can tell that this is the culmination of a lot of what you've been building towards. Even though I don't know who Iyagi is, I can feel your main character's panic and concern for him. You do a great job of conveying her desperation, and that keeps me on the edge of my seat the whole chapter. Also, awesome magic ocean powers are awesome.

Mostly, I wanted to comment on your description of her awesome budding powers and how it affects the pacing here.

It was more of a whisper and didn’t speak any words or dialect. Yet, I understood its meaning, because it was me. It was something that had always been there, but I had never known. A familiar feeling, like the way I knew that I loved kwama, a sweet pastry delicacy, though I never had any before I had come to the palace. I’d forgotten again.

This is one of those times where I think less is more. Something really awesome is just about to happen, and I think you drag out the description just a little too long here and make it less poetic overall, slowing the scene down. In general, it's a good idea to go over these powerful scenes again and again, looking for every weak line to prune so that the pacing and intensity never lets up.

I would also encourage you to try to unify your imagery a little bit more. You have absolutely stunning imagery here - my favorite is the motif of lava running down a volcano - but it's kind of all over the place, because just a line earlier you used a metaphor about a mouse, so the switch to more elemental imagery felt like a complete tone shift. I would encourage you to pick one central motif, like electricity, or water, or fire, and try to make most of your description of how her powers feel match varying aspects of that imagery. Maybe at first, it feels like water lapping against the shore, but then later it feels like a tidal wave. Just to make your description of her powers feel more cohesive, so we always know what you're referring to.

I think that's about it from me for this review! Let me know if you have any questions about what I said, and again, this was a pretty awesome scene! Good luck, and keep writing.




shieldmaiden says...


Thank you for your review and I appreciate all the great tips. I'll be trying to put them in practice straight away. Thank you for addressing the need for consistency in description.



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Sun Apr 26, 2020 11:43 pm
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Shady wrote a review...



Heya shieldmaiden,

Shady here with a review for you this fine Review Day, courtesy of the Slytherins! Let's get started...

Then I blinked my eyes hard, my vision being blurred from the burning saltwater, and stared hard at the shoreline.


I don't love the repetition of the word "hard" twice in this single sentence. I am a big advocate for varying your vocabulary as much as possible to keep things fresh and exciting to read. That's not to say that you need to look up obscure words. That just confuses your reader, rather than adding clarity.

However, for a common word like "hard" where there are tons of synonyms? Yeah, definitely try to swap that one out whenever you can. You could eliminate the first one entirely "I blinked my eyes, leaving them closed for a moment in hopes they would stop burning from the seawater before I opened them again and stared hard at the shoreline" or you could look up a replacement for one fo the "hard" instead if you'd prefer that. But I do think it would help to eliminate the repetition.

~ ~ ~

I really like this chapter!

Obviously there are a lot of things I don't fully understand from this chapter since I'm jumping into it so late. But! It's such an interesting concept! And it had me engaged in the action, even though I don't know any of the characters!

The tension between Agar and the MC. The power of the sea. It was fantastic. I was kind of getting mermaid/man vibes from the two of them, but again, I'm sure that's a clearer relationship as to who they are that they can control the sea like that and why the narrator cares about this random prince dude.

But I really like the biological details you added in! I am an ichthyologist (fish biologist) professionally, so it hit me in my happy nerdy feels. I loved the talk of his luminescent eyes and the gasping like a cod. It really enhanced the imagery for me and I really enjoyed it!

Hope this helps!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

P.S. Have a Schadenfruede and a Fahrvergnügen for the spirit of Review Day ;)

Image




shieldmaiden says...


Thanks for pointing out the repetition I had made. I totally agree with you and also strive to find different synonyms. This one must have escaped my attention. Thanks for catching it.



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Sun Apr 26, 2020 2:54 pm
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neptune wrote a review...



Hey there!

I want to apologize in advance because I haven’t been consistently following this novel, but hopefully this review can still be helpful! c:

The imagery you have throughout the entire chapter is really spot on. I think you captured Kkachi’s surroundings very well and all the descriptions were beautiful (I especially liked the opening sentence with the sun).

Also, the dynamic between these two characters is definitely interesting, and I think the way you have it set up allows you to create more interest between them. I like how you depict their emotions, too, and it’s cool to see how they both handle anger. Having this tension/seemingly mutual hate for each other is a creative way to set up their relationship; it’ll be exciting to see how it changes/grows!

One thought I have is about Iyagi. The emotion from Agar and Kkachi is pretty powerful, but I think I struggled a bit with connecting with Iyagi and getting a similar sense of emotion. While I don’t know what his character and personality is like, it would have been nice to see some more from him in this chapter (ie emotions or some sort of expression) because the only thing I got from him is what Agar and Kkachi were saying about him. I like how he’s utterly confused, so it would be cool to see more of that—especially towards the end. He’s busy being mysteriously splashed by the ocean, so what might his reaction be?

Overall, I am mesmerized by your descriptions! They’re very creative and original, and they paint a picture of the world clearly. I also like the way you describe how they control the water; I think that really highlights the character’s connections and emotions.

I like where this is going! Hopefully this was helpful & keep writing! <3




shieldmaiden says...


Your review was very helpful and encouraging! Thank you! :)




"And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?"
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland