Chapter 23
As soon as I stepped through, I did not fall into the pool as I’d expected. Instead my foot landed on a rough stone floor. As I pulled myself further through the waterfall, hair dripping wet all over my face, I realized that I had entered another cave. It looked a little similar to the one I had just come from. The dimensions were the same. But the hole was missing in the roof. And there was no pool.
I turned to look back from where I’d come from. There, like an open door, stood the mouth of a crevice between two walls. The walls were made of marble, which contrasted strongly against the rough stone around the rest of the cave. But this wasn’t what drew my attention. There was writing inscribed on the marble. The same writing as the one outside the mountain in the Emperor’s garden; the same writing as the one on the cover of the old book laying beneath my bed at home.
A curtain of water was falling in sheets on the other side of the hole, the steady sound rushing into my ears. But from where I stood, everything else was perfectly dry. There even lay the remains of a dead fire in the middle of the cave.
Curious, I walked towards it. Picking up a nearby stick, I stirred the ashes. Fiery little embers lazily stirred to life. Which meant one thing.
Someone had been here recently.
I should have felt frightened. Or at least possessed a sense of urgency. However, I only felt a stronger pull to this mysterious place. It felt – familiar. A longing to know where I was exactly guided me towards the opening of the cave. My steps resonated throughout the cave, bouncing off the walls in loud echoes as I walked.
I stepped outside. A strong wind tugged at my hair as I stepped onto the edge of a cliff at the cave’s mouth. Inching forward, I peeked over and down. A large, deep forest lay in hues of deep greens and blues like a mossy blanket at its bottom. at the bottom of a cliff lay a forest. I gazed forward and caught the glimmer of starlight. Far ahead, untouched by the sun’s setting rays, lay the darkness of night. It was fast approaching. Like a thing living, it stretched out it’s hands lovingly, caressing more and more of the forest’s folds.
Turning around, I looked up. And froze.
I was staring at a mirror image of the same precipice where I had nearly broken my neck before Iyagi had come to my rescue. Except much taller. Then I realized that it was not taller, but higher. It wasn’t in the ground at all, but floating in the air right above the cave’s head. And above my own head, suspended in the middle of the deep blue sky, rippled the waters of the pool that I nearly fell into. Mesmerized, I watched a fish dip and dive through the water, gulping down bubbles of air as it paused to stare at me with its alien eyes. I looked away from the fish and further past the pool.
I noticed blankly that everything from my world was resting on another pane, mirroring the world from an obscure perspective, like when one looks into a broken looking glass. I squinted and could barely make out the towers of the palace, way off in the distance, but not by much. The gnarly roots of the forest twisted and curled so thickly in the air that I could see little else.
The sun set. Darkness wrapped her arms about me and a shiver coursed itself down my spine. The moon appeared from behind a cloud, beaming to reign over the world once again now that the sun was gone. She shone very brightly, more so than back home. The wind grew stronger and I stepped back into the cave.
The moon light filled the room. In one corner, I noticed a little bundle. On closer inspection it turned out to be a pile of daggers wrapped up in a cloak of fur. I picked one up and brushed a finger along its blade. A hiss blew from my lips when it bit me. I sucked on my offended finger and examined the rest of the pile. The daggers were all sharp. And they had been frequently used. The hilts were all well-worn and some of the blades were chipped, as if they had struck too many hard surfaces.
I looked about the cave in a new light. Instead of gazing up like before, I let my eyes fall to the floor. The sand and dirt had been disturbed repeatedly, cast up and flung about by the feet of one person. But in a regular pattern. Like that of a person who had been fighting an invisible enemy, for there was only one set of prints, or had been practicing drills.
Slowly, I rested my foot over the imprint of the sole that lay in the dust in front of me. It fit perfectly.
My breathing grew shallow. Sweat beaded at my forehead as I slowly backed up against the wall, watching eerily as my shadow crept across the floor and over the cluster of footprints.
“Kkachi?”
Someone called out … they sounded so far away.
“Kkachi?!”
Who was calling?
“Kkachi – there you are.”
I couldn’t see anyone. Frightened, I pushed myself away from the wall and ran over to the crack within the cave’s wall. But my foot caught on a piece of fabric and I fell to the floor. Anxiously and in a hurry, I reached behind me and clasped at the mysterious article before jumping to my feet and rushing for the opening that would lead me back home.
Reaching the marble slabs, I laid my hands carefully on each of the rough, slabs of rock that framed the dark opening and leaned in, drops of water splashing the tip of my nose.
“Wait!”
For a moment I hesitated. Something about that voice … it tugged at the corner of my heart. I glanced back over my shoulder. There was no one there. Immediately turning back, I gulped in a deep breath of air, before plunging through my watery exit.
With a giant splash, I fell into the pool of lilies.
My body sank deeply into the water and everything grew still. I opened my eyes and turned my head slowly about to look around. My arms waved sluggishly in front, trying to keep me from sinking further. I wasn’t used to swimming. Some corners of the pool were dark and forbidding, like the deeper waters below my feet. But some rays of the mid-day sun were dancing on the ripples above my head, sending streaks of bright blue in front of me.
The water was cool and clear. I watched silently as bubbles burst through my lips and floated calmly to the surface. Suspended, with water wrapped all around my limbs, I could have easily imagined that I was caught in the middle of the sky. But I could no longer breath. I kicked and came back to the pool’s surface spluttering and gasping for air.
“Kkachi!”
Father, Iyagi and Usan all came running up to the edge of the pond, hands outstretched to help me as I lay in the middle of the pool, thrashing about and blinking the water out of my eyes. Unable to reach me, I watched Iyagi tear off his robe before diving into the pool. With a few deft strokes he swam right to me.
“Are you alright?” He asked as he reached and grabbed my arm, pulling me close to him. “What happened?”
I clung to the Prince’s neck exhausted and shook my head, causing beads of water to fly from my soaked hair. “I fell in,” I remarked dryly, teeth chattering.
“Come on.” Iyagi tucked me under his arm and swam us both back to the edge.
“The pool’s deeper than it looks,” I said to Father with a weak smile, as he laid his own cloak about my shoulders.
He smiled and tugged the cloak about me tighter. “Yes, that’s because it’s bottomless; has never overflowed once since the mountain grew.”
Usan cocked his head. “That’s a long time,” he mused, taking my hand.
“Yes. Yes, it is.” The Emperor chuckled and patted the boy’s head. Then he turned once more to me. “Now, my daughter, what happened?”
“It was an accident – I didn’t mean to fall in,” I said, casting my eyes at the ground.
“But how did you fall in?”
“I … I thought I saw something,” I explained slowly, unsure about how much I should reveal. For some odd reason, I wanted to keep the other cave … the other world … a secret. I shrugged. “The sun was only playing tricks. I was reaching through the waterfall when I slipped.”
At that moment, all the candles that lit the cavern path flickered. I shivered.
“Let’s get you into some dry clothes,” Iyagi said, wrapping an arm around me and began walking us back.
“You should too,” Usan pointed at the prince’s one wet figure.
“Thanks for rescuing me,” I mumbled into Iyagi’s shoulder.
“Anytime,” He replied, giving me a squeeze. Blushing, I shrank back into Father’s cloak till I was only peeking out of it.
End of chapter
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...guess who!?



Which meant one thing.
There's nothing actually wrong with this sentence but I thought it might sound better if you said: Which could mean only one thing... But it's toatlly up to you
I should have felt frightened. Or at least possessed a sense of urgency. However, I only felt a stronger pull to this mysterious place.
Once again, there's nothing wrong with this but I felt like the flow was a bit off.
Example: I should have felt frightened or at least possessed a sense of urgency but somehow, I only felt a stronger pull to this mysterious place.
I know it's a bit on the long side for a sentence but with the rest usually being shorter, one every once in a while is ok.
A large, deep forest lay in hues of deep greens and blues like a mossy blanket at its bottom. at the bottom of a cliff lay a forest.
Probably just a typo but here you just repeated yourself about the forest.
The moon light filled the room. In one corner, I noticed a little bundle.
Here, I know you have said that she is in a cave before but in my mind, it seems like a huge cave! To have a forest and stuff it must be big enough so here, you said "in one corner". In one corner of what? A smaller cave? You may have said it and I just didn't catch it but I'm gonna point it out anyways!
Like that of a person who had been fighting an invisible enemy, for there was only one set of prints, or had been practicing drills.
Good but the last part seems like it should be its own sentence and slightly tweaked.
Example: ...for there was only one set of prints. Or they had simply been practicing drills.
But as always, it's up to you!
Well, that was a fun read! Wow...you never fail to throw us, your poor, faithful readers, for a loop. For every question answered, you throw a thousand more into the equation! You're evil, you truly are.
I really liked this chapter. I feel like there are some "good" shadows even though it's probably her mom. In all of this, I never once thought that she would meet her mom again. And knowing you, she probably won't! You'll throw us back into a circle of questions as it somehow, mysteriously turns out not to be her mom! UGGGHHHHH!
Anyway, I have mor chapters to review so you'll hear from me soon!
Your friend,
Honora <3
Thanks for all the great tips and catching all those errors!!! The cave is big but the forest is outside.
So is the other side of the waterfall some sort of other dimension? That could be very interesting. And the pool is bottomless? Is he exaggerating, or is that really true? EEKK, I DUNNO WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE! XD
I didn't see much to point out, it's all looking good, I like how Kkachi shrank into her Fathers cloak like she was a little girl. It really showed that their connection has come a long way!
Keep on writing, and have a good day or night!
Thanks for your loyal reading and reviewing!!! I look forward to your comments every day! No pressure though.
Hello my dear friend FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you like always, and to help get your work out the green room, it being one of my jobs now! XD
Anyway let's get to it.
So I did see one of two things that were really small mistakes, and are easily fixed. So here is the first one.
So with this I feel like the full-stop between night and it should be a comma, it will help the flow a little better, but that's just how I feel.
Okay onto the next.
So Moonlight is one word, unless here you meant to say the moons light, then you just forgot the S.
Other than that this was a great chapter, the way it all played out was just to good, I have a feeling Kkachis Mom could still be alive, but I don't no yet, but I have a feeling. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
I like how Kkachi is bonding with the people around her, and most close to her, it's very sweet, and makes the story even more enjoyable.
Now I know you have had trouble with description in the past, well worry NO MORE my friend because the description you put in here was just astounding, it blew me away it was so good, I just love how you described how she saw the kingdom from the ledge, it was just amazing, I could see everything, and that is just what I like, it helped me come more into the story, and make me feel like i am there.
Now I really can see this plot coming into play, it's small and stuff, but I have a feeling a few big things are going to happen in these caves, and I'm just getting all pumped up about it just thinking about it!!
So as you know I love your writing and I don't want you to ever stop because it's just amazing, and everything I come to read your work it just gets better and better, it really is astounding, so keep writing so I can keep being blown away. Have a great day or night.
Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion!!
Thanks so much Phoenix! Really helpful and encouraging as always. Thanks for guiding me all this time! It certainly keeps me from getting discouraged.
I'm glad! You shouldn't get discouraged your writing is amazing!
So I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but I was still able to follow along with this story. When I first started reading my impression was that your main character (MC) was a teenager or young adult. After all, she's off exploring on her own. But once her father showed up I reevaluated my opinion. Now I don't actually know how old your MC is, but once she began to interact with her father she started to read as very young. I don't know if that is your intention, if so good job, but if she is indeed older unless you want to her to read as a bit emotionally stunted when interacting with her father (which is also a valid choice) then I would rework her lines and make her sound more independent.
While most of this chapter was very compelling to read as I reread it for a second time I realized I wasn't quite sure why she went in the water, which lead me to the lines where someone is calling her name. Originally when I read it I had assumed it was her father and his friends who called her name, but now I'm wondering if something in the water was calling for her, and that's why she went in. Anyway, those couple of lines need to be a lot clearer.
It was a really interesting chapter though that made me so, so curious about that water, lol. Good job!