Nowadays it feels empty when you say you love me,
Maybe that’s what happens to people who are meant to be.
They grow together then they fall apart,
Now you just need a reason to break my heart.
Sometimes all that is left behind are scars,
You are so near yet so far.
Love and lust is impossible to tell apart,
I’ll be so ready when you break my heart.
Dark days and endless nights,
I gave up because it is not worth the fight.
Nothing is left of us to fall apart,
So come and break my heart.
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Third time this will be echoed. The rhythm is really off in this poem. I liked how you explored the emotion and motion of a romantic relationship, and one person's acceptance that heartbreak will come, especially since "that’s what happens to people who are meant to be." Very nicely done on the content, but could you please rework the cadence a little?
Squire Malachi here to review for Knights of the Green Room.
This poem has a lot of emotions in it. But I agree with Bard that this could be a lot better. Poems are the perfect thing to use strange and unfamiliar, or unique words. They really add to the poem's worth. Also, try to use some metaphors.
I have to say that I didn't really like the rhythm that much, but the rhyming was good. Overall it was a good poem.
Keep it up!
Hey there! Nice rhyming! This poem could be even better if you manage to make it flow a bit rhythmic, but that's only my suggestion. Anyway, I love the heart/apart repetitions in every stanza. This is not a bad piece of poetry, but I'd like to see more from you if you expand your vocabulary. Play with more interesting and rare words and metaphors (which are good in this poem). Pay more attention to the rhythm next time... I don't think it's nessecary in this poem but anyway, play with it, it's fun, right? Keep writing, I hope I'll read more from you!
~Bard