Negative Creep

Hey, Run. I'm Nonny! Happy Review Day I'm gonna divide the poem up into how many verses it had and review each of them separately, then the whole poem at the bottom.

One.

The third line in this stanza didn't really make sense. "Come to go but you know. I know that the last line is a continuance of this line but even together, it still doesn't make much sense. Maybe it's just me but I think a little rewording would do it a lot of good. There also isn't that much punctuation in this stanza. While punctuation isn't really needed and I'm the last one to be critical of it, I think that the first and second line sort of blur together but the use of the capital "A" for After in the second line seems to mean that the first line should have ended with a period...does that make sense? I don't think I wrote that very well.

Two.

I think that the punctuation is again an issue...I would have done it differently but if you have a reason for why it was done the way it is, I'd love to know.

I would write it like this:

"My left side is bleeding,
while my right side is pleading.
There is no difference
between wanting and needing."

Third.

The first line is written a little weird and I think rewording would make it flow a little better. I really liked the last two lines. "You are my darkness, while I am your sun."
To me, it seems as though you're trying to get across that this person you're speaking about is not good for you[or the character in the poem] and for whatever reason, the writer stays and she/he tries to make this person stand on a pedestal because they are a good
person.

Fourth.

I don't really have anything to say about this other then the punctuation again.

Fifth.

I wish that you didn't end the poem the way it was ended. While it makes sense, it was slightly sporadic. I do, however, enjoy how you called bipolar a germ. I thought that was funny because it definitely is a nuisance.

Poem as a whole:

Overall, I enjoyed reading it. I like relatable poems and I think that this was relatable. I think that you could work on the punctuation a little bit and the ending could definitely be much better then it was but all in all, these are only suggestions. Poetry is hard to write and sell because everyone views it a different way. Good job on this and thanks so much for sharing with us. I look forward to reading more from you.

Happy September Review Day!!

I'll cut myself to make you bleed
After all I'm his majesty's seed,
Come to go but you know
I am a sadist and a masochist indeed.

My left side is bleeding
While my right side is pleading,
There is no difference
Between wanting and needing.

I think you are ugly
Not that my opinion is affirmed.