When you said-
It never mattered to you,
I never mattered to you;
That I was good as dead.
When you went
My heart wasn't for sale,
No, it wasn't for sale;
But I lent
It to you.
Love,
Maybe those scarlet gloves
In the morning snow;
Were not enough.
It kept me warm,
But it did not warn-
Me, that it would be
A beautiful but sad memory.
And in the summer time,
I hope you fine
I know you will find;
All the happiness you deserved.
And like the winter snow
Your memories of me,
Your memories with me,
Shall go away like the cold
As the future unfolds.
Burns,
My heart as it learns
Love is a game of give and take,
I didn't take but only gave.
With all the fire you ignited,
I shall always burn the brightest.
It's nothing over which I will fret,
I'm the greatest masochist I have met.
And in the rebirth at spring-
May your life change into something new,
Something devoid of me and you.
And while the fall's sun sets-
You will haunt my memories
You will haunt then till the end.
I sometimes wish we'd never met,
Maybe I would've never bled,
The snow would not be scarlet.
Then again,
When I take your name,
I feel your presence in my existence
Maybe you're not the one to blame.
You're just heartless
Why so heartless?
Now as my blood flows
I just want you to know,
It was was scarlet on the snow.
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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hi there! Happy Review Day!
Let's start!
Nitpicks
I think you meant "them" and till should have a "'" before it, like so: 'till.
The only other nitpicks I have were of punctuation. It really needs to be fixed. The semicolons and dashes are unnessacary.
Ryhming
I liked it in this piece, they seemed almost "hidden" and hard to spot, but you know something rhymed. The scheme is kind of off, though. In the first stanza it's at the beginning, and it changes through-out the piece, until at the last stanza, the ryhming is at the end.
Overall, the ryhming was pretty good.
Criticism Comments
I found the flow choppy and the lines just seemed too broken up. This one especially bothered me:
The "warn" to "me" just didn't work. It sounded soo slow, since it was on a separated line.
I suggest you fix up on the flow.
Positive Comments
Okay, so despite all my criticism (sorry if I sounded harsh, by the way) I have nice comments for you!
I think my favorite stanza is the last one, mainly because it really relates to the title the most. When I read the title, "Scarlet", I didn't know what I was going to read, and I didn't expect it to be this(which is good)!
I liked it, though. It could be improved, but the sentences (or lines, whatever) seemed pretty poetic and built up pretty well.
Well, I hope this helps!
WillowPaw1~
Hey, here for a review! I liked your piece! I liked the short lines and the imagery you created, but a lot of it was really confusing. It's kind of hard to follow, and in places I don't really know what's going on.
I don't really understand the first half of your first stanza. It seems like an incomplete thought. The person said that the narrator never mattered and then... I don't know! What happened after that? What happened because of that? I may be interpreting it wrong, but nonetheless it confused me as a reader.
I like this stanza a lot more! I like the rhyming and sound repetition, especially with warm and warn. However, I'm really confused about your punctuation. There shouldn't be a semi-colon (or any punctuation) after the third line, and I don't understand the dash after the sixth line. I'm all for stylistic grammar choices, but this is difficult to read.
You have the semi-colon problem again after the third line in the third stanza, and again a few more places.
I think this is my favorite stanza! Again, some odd punctuation choices, but I really like your use of the word "devoid" (it's such a good sounding word!) The last three lines are very powerful, and I especially like the very end of it.
I look forward to seeing more of your stuff in the future! Keep writing
Fallen the awesome here to review tonight.
First off I love your word choice and the flow of your poem I enjoyed it a lot. Amazing imagery and describing everything. You really did a nice job of making it relatable towards your reader. May I suggest, " But I lent
It to you." Be combined into one sentence overall Really good :3
Awsomesauseness here for a review
First off wonderful. Great detail and excellent use of imagery to the poem. I think that at the beginning:
But I lent
It to you
You should put them together. To me it would read a lot better then the way it is put.
Overall it drags me in to read on. I love the title to that's what made me want to read it.
I look forward to reading more from you.