Young Writers Society

Hi there. I'm Change. Let's get rockin!

The truth about love is crying your ass out

The truth about love
is pretending you don’t feel a thing.

teared

nothing ever ended.

The truth about love in when you’re broken
into a million pieces but you still hide.

But did their life turn into a nightmare
from a miracle?

Hey! Cailey here for a review on this fine reviewing day. Reviewing night. Whatever it is.
(Actually, it is definitely night. I can tell by the way my eyes keep closing against my will.)

You said you wanted people to be lenient, and this is two years old, so I don't know how much of a review you really want. I know I would never go back to a poem I wrote so long ago and fix it up, but I will review anyway. Probably you won't go back to this one, but hopefully the advice I give will be something that can help you out next time you write a poem.

I like your title, and I like the repetition of it throughout the piece. I also really like the way you formatted this, with the shorter stanza that started with the title, and then a longer one and so on. It ties the poem together very nicely.

On a less positive note, I have to admit that I don't necessarily like the theme. I should have known better when I clicked on this, since of course it would be something like this.
I just, I feel like the "love" you describe in this poem is not love at all, but a middle school crush. There's a lot more to love than being dumped before you even get out of high school. In fact, in my opinion that kind of "love" is not love at all.

(Oh goodness, I hope that doesn't sound mean. I mean, I know the feeling and I see that this is a theme that a lot of girls deal with and want to hear about and read about and write about. It's just, it's almost been overdone throughout the years, and it doesn't seem as meaningful as some topics of poetry.)

I guess what I am trying to say, is that at the very least you should add some redeeming something about love. Let the reader know that there is more to it than a guy breaking up, because there totally is.

Moving away from the love topic... I would love to see some more detail in this poem. Try and add some more concrete ideas, like a love note rather than just love. Or a specific person rather than just girls. Or instead of just him, turn this guy into a specific person. That would make this a lot easier to identify with, and if you're describing a specific situation then I can more easily see where it becomes love and it can become the truth about that ended relationship.

My favorite section was this:
"He says that we can still be friends and,
He acts like there was no ‘The End’
And yes, I’m foolish enough to talk to him."

Because I feel like just about every girl has been in that situation. And it's so true that often the guy is totally oblivious and it's the girl who's stuck with a broken heart while the guy just goes on talking like there isn't any problem, while every time he talks to the girl she's secretely beating herself up about it. I really like those lines. Very truthful.

I hope some of this helped and it didn't all come out as half-asleep ramblings. Let me know if you have any questions or comments. And keep writing!

The truth about love is crying your ass out

The truth about love
is pretending you don’t feel a thing.

Saying, their heart has been teared.

And he pretends that nothing ever ended.

He says that we can still be friends and,
He acts like there was no ‘The End’
And yes, I’m foolish enough to talk to him.

All promises are nothing but edit a bluff.

The truth about love is that love hurts. -- I like it, I have my own conflicts about love since everyone falls into it but know one seems to notice the truth. Plus does age really matter we can start our artistic careers at any time I started writing poetry at eleven yours is well written.

Leo here!!!!! love draws me completely into its arms whenever it is around..so i am here..

I see you have made a nice attempt in understanding the frailties and travails of love....good job ( because you were just 12 when you wrote this...Seriously, is it just a general opinion of yours or you had an experience of "The End" )

Just a suggestion....when you are writing poetry, try not use words like "wanna" or other colloquial words...try to avoid them...specially when you are writing in modern english...if you write in old english as i do (you can check out my work) then i guess colloquialism doesn't matter....it adds an essence to it...

The opening line is a direct offensive line (i feel so)...it seems as if you had been badly hurt by this feeling, Love...."The truth about love is crying your ass out"...But since you wrote it when you were 12, I will overlook all these flaws...

Specially love these stanzas...

"The truth about love is trying to be fine
When you’re dying inside.
The truth about love is when you’re broken
into a million pieces but you still hide."

And

"The truth about love is that
Love is never enough.
The truth about love is that
All promises are nothing but bluff."

Innocently, you touch upon some of the very painful and poignant facets of love...."Love is pain" as the general phrase goes....good job..

Who says children can't write about "love"....anyone can do, but children can imbibe their innocence into it (I don't mean to praise you!!!! The grown up guy now...Just praising your lost but still inherent childhood in you....) hehe:-)

keep writing..would love to read some of your latest poems on love...or on emotions and feelings...