Demon in Disguise

I relate so much to this. You have a real talent.

Ah, I have found someone close to my age! Cool, but anyway, I am SecreteJournalist... but feel free to call me Brie! I am reviewing for The Green Lanterns... happy review day to you

I feel like I should review stanza by stanza.

You were the kind of guy I imagined to be with
Now I know as I watched you go that it was nothing;
But a mistake.
It took time but at the end I realized
That the one I thought to be my prince
Is actually a Demon in Disguise.

I liked this, but I almost wish there was a little bit more imagery, like what does he look like?

Yes, you are one in a million and you change colours like a chameleon.
My tears go down the drain; you do this again and again.
Your words are as sweet as honey but I’ve long known,
the reality of your soul.
You have torn my heart; now in its place is a hole.

I don't see the point of rhyming in this stanza, when the rest is rhyme less. And I know, I spell colors as colours too, but some people prefer colors.

You have done these things to people all around
your sick world, but I am not one of them-
I have never been your girl.
And you were never my prince.
It was harsh to realize;

I liked this, it was the truth that crashed into the sea of the poem. Nice work.

That you’ve always been a monster, a Demon in Disguise.


I liked the ending, it left you with a lot to think about.

Overall, great job! Keep writing, I will keep reading! With a little fixing up, this poem will be great :]

~Sincerely
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie

Review for you!

Now I know as I watched you go that it was nothing;

Is actually a Demon in Disguise.

Hmm.. I think I will pick this one for my next review?

What I liked?
-The form or the composure of the words. - It filled an aesthetically pleasing stanza by having something to say that filled a good impression of your work.
-relatable aspects of this piece and evoke emotion in the reader.

What can be improved?
-The amount of imagery. To put it into perspective, every time you say something it should also go with an image to represent it. Its one of the hardest things to do in a subtle way.
-details and refrain from cliche ideas. A demon in disguise is something un-captivating and anyone can think of something a little better. I would take your experience with this guy and put a face on him and a character controlling him that makes sense from a specific event so it is not so played out. Also, details details and more details. You are telling an idea we have all heard before, realizing your significant other is a demon face is something we all experienced and heard- but not heard all the relatable whys..
To get me to like your work it has to have imagry and tell a specific story in a vivid and unique way. Although, I do some-what like it I think there is a story within the story that is not being said, and it makes me angry!

Anyways, Thanks for writing.

Your Hero,
ImHero

To be honest, I don't review a lot of poems, but I'll do my best.
One thing that bothered me was the switching of tenses. You started the poem out in past tense, than immediately switched to present tense.
"It took time but at the end I realized
That the one I thought to be my prince
Is actually a Demon in Disguise." You either need to change "is" to "was" or make the entire stanza present tense.
"You have done these things to people all around
your sick world, but I am not one of them-
I have never been your girl.
And you were never my prince.
It was harsh to realize;" you did the same thing here too. It's distracting when you switch from past to present (or vice versa). Either choose one or the other. Also I don't think your punctuation is right....
As for the poem itself, I enjoyed it. The beginning caught my attention, and I absolutely adored the ending. I would have liked the poem to be longer where you could have told us how this "Demon in Disguise" hurt this character.
Just fix these little mistakes, and you'll be good!
Keep on writing!
Dragonrider

Hm, well I'm K here to review, hopefully this will be helpful to you!

First, I'll start with my first opinions- as a poetry person who enjoys the kind of poetry that rhymes, I'm not necessarily sure how I feel about this just yet. I really, really like the second stanza but mainly because of the rhymes. The only major problem I see here is your use of cliches... To me, this whole poem seems to be a cliche.

At first, I liked how you capitalized Demon in Disguise in the poem, but then I noticed it could also be distracting depending on the person. Another thing you should think about is having a set rhyme scheme, because you throw in rhymes just a little randomly. That is also a little distracting, as it makes the reader look back in the middle of it to see if they missed all the other rhymes- and then we notice that there are no other rhymes. Your best bet is to rhyme the entire thing or don't rhyme at all.

One last thing, I'm not too entirely confident in your punctuation. To me, it feels a teeny tiny bit off, but that might just be me!

This is just one review, so please take it with a grain of salt! in the end, you're the author and your opinion on what makes your work best is clearly the right opinion. Overall, I did love the story and the theme you conveyed here, and I hope you keep writing!