When a broken heart beats
Yes, it bleeds yes it bleeds,
And you wish you could feel nothing.
So when your heart goes numb,
Yes it pleads yes, it pleads
To go back to where it all started.
A naive age of 13
You wish you could stop it,
But your heart said something else.
And in this tug of war
Your heart lost it all,
And you decided on giving up yourself.
When you fall in love,
It's a bluff, it's a bluff;
Shouts your head but you don't listen.
Now as your tears fall down,
He's out of town, not to be found
Celebrating his new found freedom.
It all seemed so colorful,
You ended up losing yourself,
Although your grip was firm.
Now as your broken heart beats
And it bleeds and it bleeds,
He has found a new victim.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
I am a teenager and I am just now finally healing from my first heartbreak so I totally relate. I really like the repetition like the "It bleeds, and it bleeds" I feel like that just emphasizes it. Please keep writing. It's amazing
As a teenager myself, I can relate and agree that this is definitely how teenage love goes. Your use of repetition on the lines, such as "it bleeds and it bleeds" and "it's a bluff, it's a bluff" really help make the poem more meaningful. The ending is perfect, and it fits the poem altogether. I love it. Keep up the good work!
Hey fallen here writing for reviewlution team.
his dose clearly takes teenage love to the exact steps that we all love and you related it flawlessly. I didn't know why you repeated the first line with the yes's but I liked how it seems to emphasize it a bit. I enjoyed how you placed it all like the speaker was telling their story and the pain it left them. I liked how in your last stanza you say " He has found his next victim" I found that quite enjoyable and the feeling of anger and fear a little as he moves to his next it was quite fun to read. I also enjoyed how you repeated the " How it bleeds and it bleeds." becase it made it hit home as if to say it hurts and it hurts a lot. I see nothing bad after reading it and over all well done hope you continue writing
Hey I read this before review day but I wanted to write one for the amazing team Reviewloution!
This does, if nothing else, describe teen love. I should know it keeps happening to me!
"When you fall in love,
It's a bluff, it's a bluff;
Shouts your head but you don't listen.
Now as your tears fall down,"
Best part right there. If only we listened. On to the rest of the review. I didn't see much of a problem here except I wish it flowed just a little smoother in some parts. Try experimenting with rhythm without loosing to much of your meaning.Also the second line in the first stanza, correct me if I'm wrong, should be : "Yes it bleeds, yes it bleeds," or "Yes, it bleeds, yes it bleeds," or "Yes, it bleeds, yes, it bleeds," or just something other than how you have it there because that just seems really unnatural or more like lyrics to me. The fifth line is written well, maybe you'd consider writing it like that? It would seem more natural. Looking it over again everything else looks wonderful! Nice job and keep it up. I look forward to more passionate writing like this
~Kat