Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I came.
As the the wind swept me off my feet,
revealing to me a beauty.
I took one step towards you
absorbing all of your scent
as we locked lips.
Your hands clamped onto my every curve,
concealing me with your lust.
I saw.
A few years had passed,
and the mask is finally peeled away from your face.
So this is your true image?
A ghastly beast standing before me.
Your very lips that I claimed as my own,
sucked another,
scorching with a sensual heat that I once knew.
Tears bite against my eyes, clawing down to my cheeks,
as I watched you unfold my heart and break it.
I conquered,
yet it seems that I am punishing myself, trying to save us.
Nevermore!
You don’t deserve me.
You don’t realize what you’ve done.
You think you’re safe, and hidden away from your sins?
You believe you had destroyed my very existence from your head?
Fuck those lies!
You played with this toy, soiling it with your filth.
This toy became tattered and weak,
so you whispered “rid of her”.
You believed you had killed the devilish toy yourself,
and replaced her with an angelic marionette.
But one thing you haven’t realized--
you can’t kill no demon.
You’ve killed no demon my sweet.
You have merely awoken one.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
That was a great poem! It was a brilliant use of language and I admire your use of writing. I also really like your avatar picture. I happen to be a Black Butler fan myself. Grell is usually my favorite character, but unfortunately I'm on Season Two and he hasn't come up much. For Season Two I guess I like good old Sebastian the best, but who doesn't?? I mean, he's indestructible! In Season One I liked how they portrayed the angels as bad guys. (They are, aren't they?) Those idiots were jerks. I also loved the way the sort of did the crucification thing to Angela. It CAN'T have been a coincidence!
Thanks! I adore Grell and Bassy equally, it's just too hard to pick
. And I agree with the angels being the bad guys, it's always great to see something new, and go against the "law" of angels always being good. The angels always irritated me, every time I see one I want to fling my computer out the window XD. Anyways I am insanely in love with the anime and the manga, literally obsessed. You should join our club (Sherry and I 
) It's for kuroshitsuji fans. Were trying to get as much in as possible since were new at hosting a club. 
Join if you want to and thanks again! Rock on!
I think I will join right now!! See you/read you there!!!
Dang!!! Which one is it?!?!?!
Yay!
OK in the search bar type in: Black Butler club and the club should be at the top, or it should say Heavymetal247/Sherri. Hopefully this will help 
Can't wait to see you/read you too XD
I wish He would read this. You revealed my thoughts better than I could >...<
Stupid heartache, leave me alone -.-
Great poem; you have no idea how much I nodded and screamed "Yeeeeeessss! Tell hiiiiimmmm!"
That ending line though...
"You've killed no demon my sweet.
You have merely awoken one."
SHOTS FIRED!!!! {chk. chk. BOOM}
Ahaha! I swear I almost jumped out of my chair with a stoic look and a revolutionary fist in the air. Priceless :')
haha XD Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. (By the way great review it made my day, I actually laughed
) Rock One Betrayle!
I mean rock *on* (one? wtf?? XD)
*DIES* xD
o____o *falls to knees* NOOOOO! (HA so dramatic XD)
I know right :L
Helloooo. Here again with a review
So I loved the way you divided the poem into the " I came, I saw, I conquered" way.
It was different. And I loved different.
If I could make a suggestion, it would be to replace the "concealing" in " concealing me with your lust" with "cloaking". It has a better effect. Though this is just my opinion. Concealing might be better for somebody else.
In the second " I saw" part, try to change the wording of the first line. I don't know why, but it doesn't sound right.
In the last part, the tense changes every now and then. Keeping the tense consistent would help make the flow better.
For example :
" You've killed no demon my sweet.
You had merely awoken one."
Would sound better if it was "you have" in the last line.
Overall this was a good piece of work, but it needs a leeeetle bit of more work on it.
Rating 7.5/10
Hassan
Wow thanks for the advice! I really do appreciate it.
I'm glad you thought it was different and enjoyed it, that's always a great thing to hear. Anyways I'll correct anything you suggested.
I. Love. This. No suggestions. It's simply perfection.
Wow thanks!
I'm glad you loved it. Rock on! 