Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Behind a mask a story lies
a story that hides behind the lips of the keeper.
And a keeper she was.
She layered this paper face,
stitched its lips,
and widened its black eyes
The plastic face kisses her’s,
gnawing away the truth inch by inch.
An inch.
A fragile life that is used,
yet always forgotten.
The mask sticks out its lies and forces it down her throat,
licking away the innocence
she once held
erasing the past.
A mask is beauty,
It is kind, and it is innocent,
but behind all mask hides a repulsive beast,
with secrets untold, and murders to be kept.
Beauty deceives all creatures that search for the true monster,
but you can never find a monster,
when it hides under the bed,
cutting out its eyes,
and painting a smile along it’s face
with it’s own blood.
A large vibrant smile.
Behind it lies a frown,
salted by tears.
Tears of a clown.
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140,196 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
A nice poem. Good punctuations, not so tooth-breaking words, beautiful one. And a good concept! ^_^
Thank you. Rock on!
Yay! Rock on! XD
A beautiful poem overall. The line breaks are great, the meter of the poem really adds a lot of power to it. I love your word choice and voice. It's also perfect grammar-wise and spelling-wise.
Here comes the however...
However, a mask has been used often for the exact metaphor and meaning you're going for here. I'm sure if you were to search 'mask' on this site you'd find a colossal stack of poems with similar tones and metaphor. And don't get me wrong, it's a brilliant metaphor, but has become a little cliche. I'd love to see a poem that uses another object for this metaphor. Maybe... a hood, or the like.
Keep writing, I'd love to see more poems from you!
Thank you so much... I'll make sure to find other metaphor's I just needed to get this feeling of a mask off my chest. Thank you once again and stay cool!
EPICnumber1 here for a review...
I don't think I have ever reviewed one of your works before but here goes nothing...
I love reviewing poetry. Wow I thought this was great it painted a picture in my head.
The first line was great it told me that there was going to be a flow to this
'Behind a mask a story lies' read that to your self and you can see the flow that can be created with one line but then the second line takes away the flow for it being too long. I do like how you have wrote it though. Listen to the syllables but other than that it's great.
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I like the topic for this poem but to improve it try splitting in to stanzas to help with the flow. Might I remind you that you don't have to read a word I write because this is just all suggestions, this is your poem you do what you want with it.
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I love this poem great ideas. Can I just show you these lines that I thought stood out to me.
'It is kind, and it is innocent,
but behind all mask hides a repulsive beast,' I like this because you say that it is kind and innocent but behind it says its a repulsive beast which I thought was amazing how you did that.
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I hope you write another like this very soon as I enjoyed this one.
Keep writing
EPICnumber1
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Trying to add more characters I see?
Thanks for the advice I will be a little more cautious on my flow, and thank you for the detailed review... it's so cool that people are intrigued by my writing I never thought it could happen... fascinating. Anyway thank you again stay awesome and rock on!
actually it's what I have always put after a review and never thought about it that way but that's a good idea.
Your welcome for the review
Yes, please stop doing that. Looks like review spam, even though I know you aren't doing it on purpose, so from now on, refrain from unnecessary page breaks? Just hit the enter key twice and there you go, a new paragraph. Thank you!
This poem contains so much imagery, and I love your vivid descriptions of the mask! The poem is a clear representation of how people hide who they truly are because they aren't what people believe they are. In some cases this can be a positive thing but in your case it is definitely negative. You discuss the effects that this can have on the people who surround this masked person and I love that.
Your use of gothic metaphors really give the piece a creepy feel, especially your clown references which are particularly scary!
One of the parts of the poem that I particularly loved is , 'A mask is beauty,
It is kind, and it is innocent,
But behind all mask lies a repulsive beast.'
Although I don't really understand how a mask can possibly be kind, I love the metaphors, it really illustrate the concept of having two personalities, one of which you have to hide lest people should happen to discover it.
The only thing I would comment on is your rhythm, which doesn't really match in a lot of places. In some parts of your poem this creates more tension, when you have a short line coming after a long line or something like that, but in other places the effect isn't really needed. Giving some of the lines the same rhythm would probably help it to flow better, but it would still retain the suspense that it naturally creates.
Apart from that small thing your piece was absolutely perfect and I couldn't possibly fault it in any way. Please keep writing - you are so talented and I look forward to reading your next piece of work which I am sure will be just as good if not better!
Keep writing and feel free to take a look at my work sometime - I really appreciate any reviews
Priceofwords
Thank you so much for the feed back... it truly helped, and also made me feel confident in my style of writing. I will continue to write, and I can't wait to look at your work... in fact I'll read right now! XD Rock on!
I loved it, don't ever say it wasn't a very good poem!
Jack
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
stay awesome