Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
November the 5th 2036 a day when time had ceased its existence; when life was only inches away from death’s blade. Only 3,000 of us people survived, struggling our way towards the underground bomb shelters, while many other people began to perish one by one as an asteroid pierced its way through space, plunging into Earth’s succulent flesh. Months had passed since that day, and we finally unlocked the steel doors that had hidden us few people, to begin a new chapter of our life. Cloaked in fear, we all stood waiting. A faint light transcended through the door’s opening, caressing the walls with its golden tongue, yet the beauty of it all had faded into a black dystopian reality that was painted with chaos and destruction. The scent was revolting like blood had oozed its way over a metallic substance. All that was left was desolate, naked land stripped from its skin, obscured by the dead. Everything seemed lost, as if hell had splayed apart its lips, engulfing our world in its fiery abyss. But life is worth every inch of sacrifice; we mustn’t lose it, we mustn’t give it away, we mustn’t abandon it. We believe that mankind are the most reasonable than many, but we are not. We are not stronger than the forces of nature, we are not wiser than the animals, we are merely like them, fighting to survive this unchained utopia.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...that was quite a big apocalypse there despite this being such a tiny story. Its definitely something that can leave a pretty powerful impact despite its small size and well...that's quite something. Anyway...a bit more detail down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's an awesome little piece despite it being as short as it is. Its definitely presenting some really interesting questions here to say the least. The imagery there right form the start is quite powerful and you're doing a very good job of conveying the death and destruction that was caused here. The way that you capture just how much damage that one single asteroid does is really powerful and of course nothing quite sums up any of that better than the fact that only a measly 3,000 people survive out of literal billions on Earth.
Despite this being such a short little story you've definitely managed to capture quite a powerful set of emotions within it. We can definitely feel just how terrifying the situation must be for those last few survivors and the way that you end this story talking about the inevitability of it all and accepting the lack of control that mankind has even in the determination of its own survival...its just a really powerful message being sent there at the end.
This really is very well done little story here....conveying a message more powerful than you'd expect from something this small.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall...this was a really fun little story to read. Its definitely quite something...well...anyway...it was pretty short and honestly that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I feel like the first opening sentences are a little too over-the-top for the actual situation going on here...
You have some really good descriptions, such as "Earth's succulent flesh", "with its golden tongue", "as if hell and splayed apart its lips"
I have to say it didn't really interest me or excite me- I've read a lot of science fiction end-of-the-world stuff, and when you DO write that, you really need to make it unlike any other story about the same topic.
Sorry... I feel that's mean to say, but I want to be honest with you- honesty helps make stories better, I believe.
Keep writing!
-rissy
Thanks I'm glad you're being honest
, this was my first Science fiction short story... and I just wanted to see if I could pull it off. Thanks again and rock on! 
cool! I didn't know it was your first one- you did a really good job for that.
Thanks, and I will definitely try my best to differ my syfy writing from other writers.... this will be difficult *starts jotting down ideas* XD
haha ok. you're cool
XD Thanks for the review, it made me smile! *falls off chair laughing* I hope the story wasn't too confusing though (that would suck!
) But thanks again your review was so energetic something I'm not used to in my world of darkness X), anyways yeah thanks, stay awesome and rock on!
Let me say that I really like the way this story is going! You paint in interesting picture with what has happened in this universe, and I look forward to seeing where it goes next! Your sense of atmosphere and build-up is pretty good, and your imagery is definitely unique, making me stop and think of what you meant.
If there was any critique I would have to say that you had a few punctuational errors, and a lot of needless words in there, see my edit below, if you would like. Remember: 2nd draft = 1st draft - 10%. Works every time.
I really like this story, and I look forward to seeing future works from you.
Good job!
November the 5th, 2036. A day when time had ceased its existence; when life was only inches away from death’s blade. Only 3,000 of us survived, struggling towards the bomb shelters, while many others began to perish one by one as an asteroid pierced its way through space, plunging into Earth’s succulent flesh. Months had passed since that day, and we finally unlocked the steel doors that had hidden us few people, to begin a new chapter of our life. Cloaked in fear, we all stood waiting when a faint light transcended through the door’s opening, caressing the walls with its golden tongue, yet the beauty of it all had faded into a black dystopia that was painted with chaos and destruction, the scent revolting like blood had oozed its way over a metallic substance. All that was left was desolate, a naked land of stripped skin, obscured by the dead. Everything seemed lost, as if hell had splayed apart its lips, engulfing our world in its fiery abyss. But life is worth every inch of sacrifice; we mustn't lose it, we mustn't give it away, and we mustn't abandon it. We believe that mankind more reasonable than many, but we are not. We are not stronger than the forces of nature, we are not wiser than the animals, we are merely like them, fighting to survive this unchained utopia.
Wow thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this short story, and it was very helpful of you for editing. I always had this habit of having too many punctuations, or less. I'm trying my best to use them in the correct places, but I always feel uneasy Haha
anyways thank you so much. Stay awesome and rock on!
This was awesome. The way you used the words to describe your story was really good. Right from the beginning I was pulled in and just wanted to read more. You could just imagine being there with all the imagery you provided for the reader which was great again. I think there should be a comma in the first sentence after it says the 5th, but I might be wrong. Overall, I think this is a great story so far. You should definitely continue with this story.
I was thinking the same with adding a comma after the 5th, but I wasn't so sure XD. I'm glad you enjoyed and I'll jump into my edits, and continue with the story Rock on!