So Cold

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite an intense story here....so many things happen and everything just seems so bleak at helpless at the start and then you just know the ending is going to be horrible but then...a pretty nicely done bittersweet ending there...she finally gets her peace after fighting through all of that pain.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Tears crawl from beneath her eyes down to her cheeks,

seeing the reflection of the enemy.

Skin so chalky pale, she had mistaken herself to be a corpse, walking amongst the living.

A monster deep inside, crawled beneath the darkest craters of her bones,

devouring away her heart, pulling at her heartstrings, like a virus that had no name.

She watched her life just run away, knowing that she could never mend the chain that has been undone.

So she hides, and drifts into that world of nothing.

Locked in behind closed doors, remembering those who had harmed her.

She faces those beast, those inner demons she held in all this time.

Finally releasing them from their captivity.

Wispy demons scream against the walls, bursting out of her wounds,

those sad, unspoken lips that would not heal, releasing her enemies.

"You'll be the death of me."

Pulling out her only friend, that dagger hugging her palm,

she trailed it against her canvas, spilling her own crimson river.

Nowhere to run or hide, she dug herself another deep hole.

"So then bury me 6 feet under." And that is exactly what she intended to do.

Holding the dagger; tightened by both hands, was breath-taking,

as she impaled the peak into her left breast, grasping away her life.

Her eyes dimmed, falling into a shade of grey, blinded.

The ghostly beasts returned to their victim, whispering screams of pain, as they flew within her body crushing into her bones, shattering her limbs, snapping her nape, gouging away her last beating heart.

With widened eyes she falls onto her death bed, smiling with relief.

Death knelled beside her, his scythe lying on the floor.

He leaned down, grazing his skeletal lips against her cold cheek. As if to kiss the lifeless girl.

Disintegrating sluggishly into ash, she vanished serenely into the blissful shadows.

Despite this being a horror story I still find it somewhat sweet. That last part with the kiss. It's good, I feel it can be turned into something more. You have good descriptions of what's happening inside her, gives us a guess of the emotions in her heart. The one mistake I see is the word "knelled" which should be "knelt", that's the proper plural. My one question is, why is this called So Cold? I just didn't catch it.

Hey, Metal! Great job, as usual. I like to split up poetry/short story in this case
(But it looks like a poem to me) by "verses" when I review so the first verse from "tears crawl" to "Had no name is simply shivering. I love the dark details that you give. "Mistaken herself to be a corpse" was beautiful and reminds me of the poetry I write on occasions. The line about the monster inside of her bones and a virus that had no name reminds me of the way that love and pain can sometimes be unmanageable and you can't pinpoint the feeling but it's there, like a monster.

And when you continue on, to say that she hides and drifts into a word of nothing it reminds me that people shut themselves into their own emotions and eventually, it will be the death of them. To be honest, to me this poem screams about someone being suicidal and eventually killing themselves. It's dark, it's deep and it's wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing, it's great!