A blemished life, running from my own paranoid mind.
Scorching blades pierce along the trail of my wrist,
Blood stained sins, my innocence ready to spill,
Yet misery will always seek out my silent screams.
Blistering blades penetrate along the path of my veins.
Tears begin oozing down along my insipid face,
Yet misery will always seek out my silent shrieks.
Will someone save me from the fiend I’ve become?
Tears graze their way along my face.
It’s the beginning of my end,
Will someone save me from the beast I’ve become?
Release my soul forever.
It’s the beginning of my end.
Bitter to the bone, lying paralyzed on my soon to be death bed,
Release my soul forever.
From here, I’ll grasp death’s abandoned hand.
Wow. That was great! I've read three of your other pieces, and none of them exceed this one. This was a brilliantly written poem. I. Loved. This. Poem. I really did. If you like things about death, you should check out my poem Death and my short story Afterlife. Death is in Horror and Afterlife is in Supernatural. They are both almost as dark as this poem, but not quite as much. Just thought you'd like to check 'em out!
thanks again. Rock on!
Hey Bassy 
The imagery in this poem. Was so amazing! I got caught up in it instantly, and couldn't tear my eyes away. It's dark, but fittingly so; this is one of those maximum 'greats' you run in to. I completely agree with TurquoiseLion that so many people write basic, emotionless poetry and try to squeeze something out of it. That may sound harsh, but sometimes that;s what it seems like!
You, on the other hand, did a really good job. I would definitely consider the repetition of 'face' as an ending word, especially so close together, but other than that this is beautiful!
Also... how did your teacher react? Just curious
Anyways... awesome Let me know when you write something else if you have the time!
Simply splendid!
I hope your teacher wasn't to worried about you after this... You know how petty adults can be when someone "young" speaks of insanity. It's quite funny to watch really. What with the "Are you okay?" bits and all.
Anyways, I love this poem, it agrees with my darkness.
Especially "I'll grasp death's abandoned hand." Perfectly sums up the emotion that you were displaying in this piece.
Good Luck To You!
I’m really impressed by this. So rare to find a poem both sad and well-written among the thousands of “I am sad. Sad is me. There is nothing but sadness in me. I cry. I die.” poems that people try to pass off as good.
I hope your teacher was impressed.
“Tears begin oozing down along my insipid face” and “Tears graze their way along my face” are a little too similar though. You might want to change or delete one.
Overall, though, I loved it.
Good poem! It definitely gives a lot of astute imagery for "excruciating pain!" You wrote this for English? Your English teacher's probably glad to find a good poem among the other, terrible writing that will be turned in. (Unless I'm guessing wrong.)
All right, prepare for the critique! (I don't have much to critique!)
Your grammar and punctuation are pretty much flawless. However, there is one spelling typo in the title. The first word should be "Excruciating" not "Excrutiating."
Scorching blades pierce along the trail of my wrist,
Yet misery will always seek out my silent screams.
Tears begin oozing down along my insipid face,
Tears graze their way along my face.
From here, I’ll grasp death’s abandoned hand.
Wow.
This was a very interesting poem to read.
You can just feel the emotion conveyed through this. It's relatable and very beautiful.
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