My car broke down.
Just on the outskirts of town.
But I didn't turn around.
I wanted to put my past behind me.
I wanted to forget the hurt.
But no matter how far I walk.
No matter how many people talk.
You where always on my mind.
I thought you where kind.
But you left my heart in pieces.
I continue to walk.
Down this lonely road.
I continue to talk.
About my plans.
But this lonely road.
Is a bumpy ride.
As I sit in the passenger side.
I watched the objects fly by.
And I started to cry.
About what could have been.
Trying to find out who I am.
Crying over my broken heart.
I continue to walk.
Down this lonely road.
I continue to talk.
About you.
This lonely road.;
Is a bumpy ride.
As I sit in the passenger side.
I watched the objects fly by.
And I started to cry again.
As I left the miles behind me.
On this Lonely road.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hi, Harry576
If you want me to be sincere I didn't like your poem. It is very "cliche". I think you could still make it better by making the word choice more interesting."I continue to talk.
About my plans." I think you could use commas (obviously you would have to change the poems structure)
Hello harry576,
So I will begin on the good of this poem. It's very relatable, the starting image and the narrative you create is amazing to me. The overall themes of this poem are very well made, the frequent references to the road. It makes me think of the "The road less taken".
Now to the things you can improve, rhyming is a great element in poetry but it loses value when it seems forced which it did seem to be on the 6th and 7th line. Also stanzas could really help make the poem look better visually to the reader, it would make it an easier ride.
Well that's all I have to say and I beg you never stop writing. You really are a good poet and I want to see more of your works.
Bye Harry.
This is really good! One or two grammatical errors but other than it's amazing!
Hey,
Overall your poem was pretty good. Your rhymes scheme usually flowed well, but there are a few lines I would take a look at. The lines "But no matter how far I walk. No matter how many people talk." seem forced. Especially, the second line because it doesn't quite function with the rest of the poem. It seems a bit like you added that line in just for the sake of rhyming "walk" and "talk." The line "as I sit in the passenger side" was also a bit confusing because earlier you say that you've gotten out of your car and that you are walking.
Moving on, if I were you I would give more characterization to the person who broke your heart. You only give your readers a couple lines to figure out who this 'heart breaker' is and they tell us very little about them. Since this person is the focus of the poem and the cause of your demise, it's important that readers know a little more about them. Maybe try a addressing some questions about them such as who are they? How'd they break your heart? How do they feel? What do you remember when you think of them?
Now, let's talk about your use of repetition. For the most part repeating lines helped to reinforce the loneliness and helplessness you're feeling, but be careful. Sometimes you were too repetitive, to the point of redundancy. I would take a look at that.
Otherwise, awesome work! Keep writing.
- Summer