The young kid,
Feels like a forbid.
Parent’s fighting,
The bickering uninviting.
The poor kid living,
But parents are unforgiving.
The broken home,
Gives the kid a syndrome.
Mom living alone,
Some things being thrown.
Dad is remarried,
With a lot of things varied.
The kid has a hard time,
The parents fighting at mealtime.
Causing trouble,
As he fights with his knuckle.
Put in jail for a crime,
The judge looks at his pastime.
The parents always fighting,
The kid always highlighting.
Trying to stop them,
They called him scum.
The young kid in a broken home,
Would rather live in Styrofoam.
How we stop this I don’t know,
But try not to marry for dough.
And we may have less broken families,
And kids would love the hospitality.
Understand that families fight,
But the day ahead is bright.
When the family is still standing.
Hi @Kayley01 here for review, I think this is an alright poem but you should probably try to use the correct terms for people. For example you said kid instead of child or Dad and Mom instead of Father or Mother. Also, if your going to make it a rhyming poem, try to make it rhyme. You said 'Dad is remarried, with a lot of things varied'. The only thing rhyming in varied and married is 'ied'. Anyway overall it is a good poem.
This is Yams here for a review!
First off, there isn't really much structure in this poem. There are no stanzas in it, which would be helpful. Where is the line variation? All the lines are practically the same length and it would've been nice to seen short and long lines in the poem to switch it up a bit.
It doesn't really stay on one subject for too long, in my opinion? There were a lot of two liners that lacked description, for example:
Dad is remarried,
With a lot of things varied.
The kid has a hard time,
The parents fighting at mealtime.
Causing trouble,
As he fights with his knuckle.
Put in jail for a crime,
The judge looks at his pastime.
The parents always fighting,
The kid always highlighting.
Hello there! Saw this kinda lonely wonderful work and decided to check it!
In line 3 I am not sure if you mean one parent or two. This apostrophe is on the right place, I suppose. But I think it is better to say parents as plural and that they are fighting not only one parent.
parents' fighting
I find this work really heartbreaking because of the realistic features in it. It is the whole reality for some children in this cruel world, unfortunately. That is so sad and unfortune to admit but this is how it is. Anyways, the rhyme is just amazing and stunning. It really sjows your passion and the patience you had while writing it.
I think you had done a very good job.
I am glad there are still happy families out there.
Keep on working!
Hello. Coming from a home where my parents are always fighting, this was near to my heart. The worst bit is that my parents are staying together for their kids, but it isn't helping. The photo you added at the beginning summed it up really nicely, and as I was reading I was seeing the people in that picture. Super helpful. The beat is pretty off, but honestly I don't mind that here.
You didn't end it very well, so try to work on that.
Other than that, good job! Keep writing and keep on keeping on.
Waffle~
Wow, just wow. I'd rate this poem 4.9/5 by far! I loved it and you probably spent a few hours, if not days on this poem. It breaks my heart to think some families are like this...
No offense intended. I now realize how lucky I am. Thanks for publishing this!
120,210 Literary Works • 649,098 Reviews
Points: 43
Reviews: 14
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