Dad

by harry576

Published June 2, 2016

E - Everyone

In Songs

Some dads are cool,

Others are cruel.

But my dad is different,

I will always be whispering.

About how he is brave,

He is not afraid to face the grave.

He is more than courageous,

He has a lot of greatness.

I love how he is honest,

Even when others are dishonest.

He is very loving,

And I am always blushing.

He is so strong and loyal,

It makes me feel royal.

I am more than lucky,

Others are unlucky.

My dad is protective,

And that is affective.

My dad is proud,

Even when the kids get loud.

He is soft-hearted,

Even when I am heard-headed.

In my eyes he is strong,

Makes me belong.

He is always teaching,

When I stop reaching.

He is unafraid,

Even when he is unpaid.

He has deep understanding,

When I feel like crash landing.

I am more than grateful,

And so fateful.

When he is encouraging,

And also nourishing.

I have a lot of appreciation,

Throughout the nation.

For my dad being there.

I love you dad.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Mahvash
Review
Mahvash wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2016

Whoa whoa whoa!! Seriously liked it a lot. That depicts your true feelings for your dad as ell as your love. It reflects how much you are proud of your dad and I hope your dad also liked this poem. When I was reading this poem I felt as if a little kid is singing this poem. Yeah, I had a really good feeling inside when I was having a go through. This is amazing. Keep on it. Good job. :)

Mahvash.

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SJCSball Comment
SJCSball commented Comment · Jun 3, 2016

Love that you were able to get it to rhythm. It's a good start. I would maybe add some details. Also, put more passion in it.

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Virgil
Review
Virgil wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2016

This is Yams here for a review!

There are no stanzas in this poem, which makes it difficult on the eyes to read and it could be fixed by breaking the poem up into smaller chunks.

The line length in this poem doesn't have much variety and are all generally the same length when it is nice to have short, medium, and long lines, to switch it up.

I felt like the lines and punctuation were kind of repetitive. Example:

My dad is proud,

Even when the kids get loud.

He is soft-hearted,

Even when I am heard-headed.

In my eyes he is strong,

Makes me belong.

He is always teaching,

When I stop reaching.

He is unafraid,

Even when he is unpaid.


Like here where all the lines have a comma in between them. I just thought there could've been more variety.

Out of the structure and onto the actual poem's content.

This poem seems filled with generalities and I find it harder to relate when you toss out words like "loyal", "great", and "brave". There isn't really any backup to your words in this poem. How is your dad loyal? Give examples. Give us imagery of actual stuff that's happened instead of just throwing around words without any backup. I think it's much more powerful when you bring real life examples into it instead of just saying those words. They feel hollow to me.

Have a great day!

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Leekeer
Review
Leekeer wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2016

Hi, Harry576 im here to do a review!. Feel free to tell me if this is wrong.
Ok lets get down to business

"Some dads are cool,

Others are cruel.

But my dad is different,

I will always be whispering.

About how he is brave,"

Ok these 5 lines are an defending mechanism to all dads that are out there, everyone says that their dad is different, everyone is saying about how their dad is brave but when i saw these lines it showed me a different person to all the other people it showed me how you care for your father and very much that you do if i must say but to me this was just different.

"He has a lot of greatness."
You could have send he carrys a lot of greatness to insure that immense level to it.

"He is soft-hearted,

Even when I am heard-headed."
There is a simple spelling error here and its heard-headed when it should have been hard headed, to the plot of the two lines i am hard-headed at times and my father just left me to it but i still love him to bits.

"I am more than grateful,

And so fateful.

When he is encouraging,

And also nourishing.

I have a lot of appreciation,

Throughout the nation.

For my dad being there.

I love you dad."
This just brought me to tears, and im not lying. I lost my dad a couple years ago but i still have him in my heart. The Entire poem was well layered and i hope that your dad loved the poem as much as i do. :) :D

Thank you for the wonderful review, and yes my dad did love it as well.



What holds you betwixt panic and serenity? That is, if it's not among the many querulous quagmires unfit for elaboration.
— soundofmind as Emiliano Achillinus