Fire in my Eyes

Aye, Nova here :3

First, I was immediately interested by this because fire is amazing to me.
I'm in love with the way you described it as something that kills, and how it can take away everything in an instant.
I was a little confused on when you said fire didn't burn, but I still think this is amazing.
The wording of this is amazing.

I'd like to thank you for writing a great poem.

Keep writing.

-Nova

King Here
Hello there. I really liked the way you describe the fire not only as one element in the nature but something connected with a past event full of death. I am kind of sad to point out that I did not get the parts in which you say the fire does not burn because in the other rest of the work, you tell us that the fire indeed burns and kills in front of you. Maybe this is my only problem with the work connected with the topic. (liking the rhyme by the way
Other thing is the tenses.

I opened my eyes,

I saw everyone that dies.

But the Fire in my Eyes,

Hey It's Mahvash here. Hope you are doing fine. So let's get to this poem. As a matter of fact I really liked it. It truly reflects your feelings. The flow of emotions is excellent and also I got to love your rhyming scheme, that's awesome.
But I think there's a problem in the first two lines of the poem. You wrote:
"I opened my eyes
I saw everyone that dies"
As you are writing this in past tense so the second sentence should be like this:
"I saw everyone that died"

Otherwise, the overall poem is fantastic. You have done a really great job. Keep on it.

'Ay, review tiime
Well, to begin with, I did like how you portrayed fire. Destructive, beautiful, and dangerous. You used a common theme but still made it unique to you and your writing style. The poem itself has a tragic feeling to it, yet also a longing. I liked that, it contradicted itself, which I like to see in writing.

I would ,however, watch the grammar in a few places. I spot the accidental capitalization of "Fire" in the line "But the Fire in my eyes/Came as a surprise." Since it isn't capitalized anywhere else I assume it's a mistake. Just pointing it out so you can fix it quick, I do that a lot too c;

Watch your plurals and singulars too. You seemed to slip up with that in places, such as "Of the people that was killed/By the fire in my eyes."
Feel free to ignore this next one, since you're the author and you can write how you want of course, but changing "that" to "who" in the line "I opened my eyes/ I saw everyone that dies." might make it flow smoother. Of course, once again, this is up to you, since it's really fine either way c:

I did enjoy this poem, I love your style as well! Keep writing, and I look forward to more work of yours!!! cx

Hi there! Since I'm not a poet myself so I won't talk about tense usage or rhyming but I will talk about symbolism. While I enjoyed your poem quite a bit, I do feel like you underused the element of fire and ignored some of its meanings. Yes, fire represents destruction, but it also represents passion, creativity, energy and rebirth, among other things. I feel like this poam only focused on destruction without rebirth or passion, as some of the only emotions present in the poem are concern, fear and remorse. To me this just feels like a bit of a waste, as the element wasn't used to its full potential.

All in all, I still think the poam was quite good though, don't stop writing!

Hello, harry576! I'm Artemis28, here for a review. And fire is pretty cool element--but writing shall always be my favorite.
Yes, it is an element.
But anyway! Let's get on with the review.
The second line of your poem had two different tenses. "I saw everyone that dies" uses past tense in the first half and present tense in the second half. Instead, it should be "I see everyone that dies" or "I saw everyone that died."

I'm not exactly sure what you mean in these next few lines. Why is the fire in their eyes a surprise? I get the feeling that you were kind of searching for something to rhyme with. And also, their past life doesn't really need to take shape at that moment. I really don't even know if that's relevant or not, to be honest.

"But the Fire in my Eyes,

Came as a surprise.

I couldn't escape,

My past life started to take shape."

I kind of feel the same way for these next four lines. This narrator wants to overturn something... but what? You're being really vague here with the meaning--however much I wonder, I really don't understand. And if people die from the fire... how is this fire not burning again?

I'm also assuming that you want to free everyone from the wrath of your flames. But again, if it's so desperate that you want to free them, this fire should probably be burning. And I'm assuming by "house" you mean that this whole situation is kind of falling apart really quickly. I suppose fires do that.

"But the fire didn't burn,

I wanted to overturn.

Wanted to free everyone,

But the house before me came undone."

So here, you don't need a comma after "saw." If you read it like a sentence, you would think it sounded weird because you'd have to pause there. I'm not sure if that's what you intended, but the comma isn't necessary.

And earlier, you claimed that your past was just starting to take shape. Well, right here it's burning away. That's a real downer for the narrator, but I feel like you kind of forgot that the narrator's past was just beginning to build up.

"I closed my eyes but still saw,

The fire that refused to withdraw.

The flames started to burn higher,

The air around me got drier.

I watched as my past burned away,

For my future I started to pray."

So I'm kind of worried for the narrator. They're talking about how surprised they are about the fire and how they want to free them and how their past is burning... and then they drop this bomb: "I started to feel concerned." Were they feeling concerned at the beginning, when their past built up just to burn down? You say that you just start to get worried right there. Honestly, that's a bit late.

Another question: Why is she asking the fire to take down names? I still don't get what you mean by that. This whole poem is kind of a big question mark for me. And in the second-to-last sentence, you switch tenses again. It should be, "Of the people that WERE killed."

"As the flames burned,

I started to get concerned.

I still see the fire in my eyes,

But it is no longer a surprise.

My heart calls out to the flames,

To take down the names.

Of the people that was killed,

By the fire in my eyes."

Overall, there are a lot of things I don't really get. But the fire in the narrator's eyes is really interesting. (I'm sorry if I was a bit harsh on you. Just know that I don't try to put you down.) If you could clear things up a bit for the reader, this would be pretty good.

Keep writing!

XOX,
Artemis28