On these blank pages.
I let inspiration flow.
Of tales and stories as yet untold.
Of hopes and sorrow.
And dreams so bold.
I let my ideas flow.
And I dream big.
About what could be.
About love and heartbreak.
And having tea.
I seize the moment.
And I never fear.
With pen and heart.
My voice they'll hear.
And as I sing this song.
My dreams come true.
As I look at the moon.
I think about how i am blue.
Because I dream big.
About what could be.
About memories and wants.
And having tea.
I seize the moment.
And I never fear.
About what others think.
Because my voice they'll hear.
My dreams will come true.
Because I am never blue.
I have always and will always.
Dream big.
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140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey, Dogs here for a review.
Let me start off by saying I love your poem. It's so cute!
*I'm going to start off with nitpicks/errors/mistakes and suggestions whatever you want to call them. Please don't take my review personally, if I do sound mean or harsh, I'm not trying to be, I'm only trying to help. Thanks. <3*
Suggestions:
1: YWS format is weird when writing poems, I know. Something you could do though, is divide your poem up into stanzas. I know it's hard with the way YWS formats things, and how it's so weird, and that's why I'm suggesting it, so you don't have to do this. Sometimes I just think it's easier for the reader to read the poem when it's in stanzas, but I guess that's just mean. You have something great here, so don't change it if you don't want to.
2: You could use different words and syllables for certain places with the rhythm of you poem falls off balance. Sometimes this happens. Your poem is filled with great rhythms of all sorts, but sometimes you find a place or two, where it gets off balance, but it's okay. I do it all the time as well. No worries. Don't go back and change it, I'm not telling you to, that's just an idea to look out for next time you write a poem.
3: Since all you did was end with periods, but I do have a suggestion for this. At the last line/sentence where you say...
My suggestion to you use to end this poem with a bang, and put an exclamation point. Like so...
"Dream big!"
I feel like it just makes it more exciting at the end, but I guess that's just me.
Now to the good part of the review.
Since the suggestions were mostly just small errors or in other words... Nitpicks, so we are going to start talking about good stuff in the review.
Grammar: You did a great job on grammar, and really didn't have any grammatical issues with your poem. Great job with that. I tend to always mess up grammar.
Punctuation: I like how each line is a sentence. I like knowing you can pause and take a quick breather before moving on. xD. You did great on this! Fantastic job one everything.
We don't really have to talk about anything else so that's about it for my review.
I hope I helped with my suggestions, and I hope you use them someday, as you continue to grow and write in our writing community.
I really loved your poem, and I hope you write more!
Keep up the fantastic writing,
Love,
Dogs <3
Hey, Happy! I am so glad to review your work.
WOW! It's a beautiful poem. You know, I didn't plan to do any review today. I was just looking for an inspiration. And there it was! Right at the green room. Thank you so much for writing this poem.
The poem is simply gorgeous. It has a sweet flow in it. It's using simple words but they mean a lot of things. Most importantly, those are the words of a writer's soul, his heart. And, I think, I couldn't get anything better to get inspiration from!
However, I have some nitpickings to do...
First, your punctuation. You have used full stops at the end of every line. This wasn't to be done. Cus full stops mean the end of the idea. There are lines which are related to one another, coming after each other. They need commas. You must edit them. Otherwise, the whole beautiful poem sounds confusing. I am not going to mention where you have to use comma, you can get it after reading the poem a few times. Just focus on which line is connected to which line. Still, if you need help with those, you can PM me.
Also, make stanzas for different ideas of the poem. Without a stanza, they look like- they all have the same idea but, they are not, after a few lines, you are writing about something new. This new thing should be separated from the previous idea.
Tale and story mean the same thing. Don't use both of them. You can try another word, like "poem" or "poetry". And, I think, "as" isn't needed there. It can be just- "...stories yet untold" And, maybe, the word "yet" isn't needed either. Still, it adds something. It's your choice to keep it or not. But, I think, you should give it another thought.
At first, I thought, the problem was with the 2nd line. It didn't sound good coming right after the 1st line and then the later ones. But, then, in the end of the poem, I got the idea and it became clear. So, I think, the real uncomfortable thing here is the 1st line. It's a complete separate idea. It doesn't go with the previous lines, not even with the later ones. So, I think, you should do something about it.
But the term "And having tea" sounds awesome to me!
It's the same thing here. The 2nd line doesn't work so well here. It's good to read the other lines without it. But, the 2nd line is like the bone in your kabab.
Feeling the theme, I think, it shouldn't be "think". It's just my suggestion. I think it can be better in this way-
You just mentioned you are blue. Then how come you are never blue?? This thing is not clear here.
It's about tense. And I myself am not so sure. So, I wanna bring it to your attention so that we both can learn some grammar. "Have" is supposed to have a Past Participle. And "Will" is supposed to have Base form. Now, can you use only the base form for both of them?? I don't know but I think you should ask an older and if you find out, pls, inform me.
And, you have used a lot of "and"s. I know, while writing some pieces it's hard to avoid the repetition of some words. Still, it's better to avoid the repetition without hurting the poem itself.
Like I have already said, the poem is good. Very good. But, I think, it could have used some more images. Some more thoughts, feelings. It felt a bit incomplete to me. And I wanted to read more. You could have used some more metaphors like the blue one which I really liked.
And, the title was a successful one.
That's all from me. Keep on writing inspirational poems like this.
Hey, Happy! I am so glad to review your work.
WOW! It's a beautiful poem. You know, I didn't plan to do any review today. I was just looking for an inspiration. And there it was! Right at the green room. Thank you so much for writing this poem.
The poem is simply gorgeous. It has a sweet flow in it. It's using simple words but they mean a lot of things. Most importantly, those are the words of a writer's soul, his heart. And, I think, I couldn't get anything better to get inspiration from!
However, I have some nitpickings to do...
First, your punctuation. You have used full stops at the end of every line. This wasn't to be done. Cus full stops mean the end of the idea. There are lines which are related to one another, coming after each other. They need commas. You must edit them. Otherwise, the whole beautiful poem sounds confusing. I am not going to mention where you have to use comma, you can get it after reading the poem a few times. Just focus on which line is connected to which line. Still, if you need help with those, you can PM me.
Also, make stanzas for different ideas of the poem. Without a stanza, they look like- they all have the same idea but, they are not, after a few lines, you are writing about something new. This new thing should be separated from the previous idea.
Tale and story mean the same thing. Don't use both of them. You can try another word, like "poem" or "poetry". And, I think, "as" isn't needed there. It can be just- "...stories yet untold" And, maybe, the word "yet" isn't needed either. Still, it adds something. It's your choice to keep it or not. But, I think, you should give it another thought.
At first, I thought, the problem was with the 2nd line. It didn't sound good coming right after the 1st line and then the later ones. But, then, in the end of the poem, I got the idea and it became clear. So, I think, the real uncomfortable thing here is the 1st line. It's a complete separate idea. It doesn't go with the previous lines, not even with the later ones. So, I think, you should do something about it.
But the term "And having tea" sounds awesome to me!
It's the same thing here. The 2nd line doesn't work so well here. It's good to read the other lines without it. But, the 2nd line is like the bone in your kabab.
Feeling the theme, I think, it shouldn't be "think". It's just my suggestion. I think it can be better in this way-
You just mentioned you are blue. Then how come you are never blue?? This thing is not clear here.
It's about tense. And I myself am not so sure. So, I wanna bring it to your attention so that we both can learn some grammar. "Have" is supposed to have a Past Participle. And "Will" is supposed to have Base form. Now, can you use only the base form for both of them?? I don't know but I think you should ask an older and if you find out, pls, inform me.
And, you have used a lot of "and"s. I know, while writing some pieces it's hard to avoid the repetition of some words. Still, it's better to avoid the repetition without hurting the poem itself.
Like I have already said, the poem is good. Very good. But, I think, it could have used some more images. Some more thoughts, feelings. It felt a bit incomplete to me. And I wanted to read more. You could have used some more metaphors like the blue one which I really liked.
And, the title was a successful one.
That's all from me. Keep on writing inspirational poems like this.
3060 characters..maybe the longest review done by me so far! glad that it's for you.
Hi there! I'm here for a review.
Disclaimer: I can get nitpicky, but you may choose to do as you please with my suggestions/opinions.
Overall, this is a good poem! I like the language you use and your diction is strong. I also really love the idea of using dreams as inspiration for writing! There's a few technical and also creative issues I would like to iron out though, if you don't mind.
One thing that bothers me is the periods. I think for a poem this length, you don't need to punctuate every line, because it's a bit distracting from the poem's purpose. Also, in some instances, you have include a period at the end of a line when the thought is not yet finished. In fact, I think you only need to include a single period at the poem's end. It'd help it flow better.
Also, I know YWS format makes it difficult to separate poems into stanzas sometimes, but if you could try to section this up a bit, it'd help. I think it'd be more concise in stanzas rather than one continuous poem.
I felt like this line was too forced: "And having tea." Don't write a line just to keep up with your rhyme scheme. Play around with a few lines first. I'd remove this line or revise it, and write a new one in its place.
Let's take a look at your first three lines. The first two lines are on point, but then the third line kind of sticks out- literally and figuratively. Be careful when you start out a lyrical flow with a few short lines then follow it up with a long line. Sometimes it flows, sometimes it doesn't. In this case, I think we can brush it up a bit. Perhaps something like "Of tales and stories that go untold," instead.
"I let my ideas flow.
And I dream big"
In this instance, these two lines break up your rhythm. Maybe try something different like
"Of fresh ideas
in dreams I know."
You see how this goes along better with the rhythm and rhyme scheme? I'm not trying to ridicule you- I hope it doesn't come off that way. It's just little things like this that are detract from your poem's purpose.
Another common mistake is free verse melding into ABAB rhymes, I notice on YWS. It's a mistake I make often myself that can muddle a poem's beauty. I think forced rhymes like "blue" and "moon" are great, as well as perfect rhymes like "hear' and "fear," but just make sure you use them consistently. Switching up rhymes randomly can be distracting. Personally, I like mixing the two. It's a clever and beautiful technique, and I think you do it well, but you just need to refine it a little more.
I hope this review didn't sound harsh, these are simply suggestions to keep in mind if you decide to revisit this poem.
I really enjoyed this piece! Your variety of vocabulary is nice, and the poem is mostly controlled and you put a lot of thought into this. Nice job!
Happy writing,
Kali L.
You're sentences flow beautifully! You have some real talent. I felt very emotional reading this poem. Please do continue writing.
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.