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feathers on the water

by erilea


here is the story the feathers on the water have to tell:

icarus was laughing as he plummeted.

his wings spiraled apart, feather by feather,

and those who looked up might say he resembled a fallen angel.

he welcomed the burning wax that dripped on his feet

and sizzled into the ocean below, embraced the alien

sensation of open air and filled lungs.

he looked to the sun and enjoyed being blind to the world around him.

everything was bright, sharp, beautiful,

and in that instant, he knew what it felt like to live.

as he fell and the wind shrieked by his ears like a long-forgotten tune,

he closed his eyes and said his goodbyes

to the world that never loved him, to the people he would never know,

to his father.

yes, his father did not catch him

because he heard his son’s laughter

and knew that icarus wanted to die smiling.


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Points: 15
Reviews: 4

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Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:25 am
Fibarrel wrote a review...



I'm not as professional as the rest of the reviewers but I'll give you my honest opinion. It was a very touching poem. It conveyed such a powerful emotion. I think you shouldn't change anything honestly enjoyed it as a fanatic of greek mythology. Keep on writing because you have amazing talent. I hope to see more of your work. I know I'm late to the party but I'll be waiting!




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Points: 15
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Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:23 am
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Fibarrel says...



I'm not as professional as the rest of the reviewers but I'll give you my honest opinion. It was a very touching poem. It conveyed such a powerful emotion. I think you shouldn't change anything honestly enjoyed it as a fanatic of greek mythology. Keep on writing because you have amazing talent.




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Mon Jan 14, 2019 1:26 am
Horisun says...



Wow, that was a beautiful poem. Change nothing, this was amazing, yet sad. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done! As long as you enjoy it, keep writing! I look forward to seeing more works from you, erilea!

-Horisun




erilea says...


Thank you so much! :D



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Sun Jan 13, 2019 10:06 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi, Shikora here with a review.

So let's jump right into it.

I really like your poem it has a great flow to it, and it was really easy to read. It was like the words just mixed together and made this painting. I think the name was a really good idea it drew me in right away, and that's something you want to have when writing. You want to have that type of power over your readers so to speak.
But there was one thing I saw, and it's not a big problem, it just makes your poem look a little strange that's all, I saw you don't have any capitol letters.Now I know you might have your reasons, so I just wanted to point it out.
But other then that your poem was really good, and I really enjoyed reading it. So that's all from me for now, and I hope to see more of your work on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




erilea says...


Thanks for the review! :D





Your welcome. :D



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Sun Jan 13, 2019 3:13 am
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Vulcanite wrote a review...



Hi @erilea I am here to review your poem, First thing that I can say about this is nice work on the length.
What I like Most about this

here’s what they don’t tell you:
I love this for it sounds so true, for people don't really tell you everything.

and knew that Icarus wanted to die smiling.

now I like this for it feels like a lot of people want to die smiling, I would.


What Needs Some Work

icarus was laughing as he fell.

Okay I don't really get this part, I feel like this represents a story in stead of a poem, I am going to put this in Suggestions for you, what I need to do is quite small.

and some who looked up might say he looked like a fallen angel.

Okay I am not really following along with this bit, I am not really shore what to think a bird or some thing falling out of the sky, and some think it is angel okay then, not shore what to think about that.

he welcomed the wax that dripped on his feet


Wax dripping on his feet in the sky, okay I really feel like I am missing something big here, also I am not shore if you talking about a bird or a person anymore can you explain a bit more here pleas.

he looked into the sun and enjoyed being blind to the world around him.

okay I feel like this does not go very well with the next line I feel.

everything was bright, sharp, beautiful,

okay this is the next line after the one that I was just talking about, now see the lines don't really fit to gather as it should, I just think that it is a bit weird to say, that he is blind to the world when he looked at the sun, and then you say this line, I hope that you understand what I'm saying.

Suggestions
1: Icarus was laughing as he fell from the sky.
So that is all that I can say, so keep up the grate work here, and if I came across as being a bit to harsh I apologies.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill.




erilea says...


Thanks for the review! I hope you do know what Icarus is about, 'cause that would clear up a lot of things about this poem. :P I appreciate your suggestions!



Vulcanite says...


your welcome,




Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
— Mark Twain