i hate you, hermes
i want to tear your throne down
and break olympus into pieces.
if only i could--
i have to be patient--
luke castellan, wait a little longer
said kronos
i waited
perhaps too long
i fell longer than i thought i could
i didn't even know that i had climbed that high
but luke castellan, at what cost?
do i regret it?
no--
maybe--
yes--
i miss you, hermes
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139,307 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
OMG percy jackson!!
Hi. This is kman134. i'm here to review.
First of all, i am not a fan of the Riordan book series. However, this was a pretty good fanfic poem.
the emotional imagery of the poem was good and so was the symbolism. luke's hatred of hermes was well expressed and kronos's demand for luke to be patient shows the parental authority he has on his demigod grandson. the lining of the stanza's was also well written.
anyways, it's pretty good and hope to read more. Again, not a huge fan of percy jackson.
I saw the name of this poem and was like "OH HELL YEAH!!!!"
Luke is like one of my favorite characters!!!
Okay, so a review time! I love how it starts with Luke's hate for Hermes and how willing he was to follow Kronos, but as time went by he realized something was wrong, very very wrong. He didn't calculate the cost until it was too late and he ended up giving the ultimate price!
Thanks for tagging me! Here are all my random thoughts as I read this...
The lack of capitalisation, in my opinion, represents how broken Luke was.
The whole pace of the poem is very fast, as if Luke is in some desperate situation and wants to quickly get this message across before everything falls to pieces. The way you've used dashes... if only i could-- i have to be patient-- really helps quicken the pace.
Kronos' words are mixed into Luke's really well, it's a smooth transition.
The only thing I would edit is the final yes. I think it should stand out more than the 'no' and 'maybe' but it doesn't. So perhaps add some more formatting; put it in italics or bold or something like that.
I love how he goes from hating Hermes to saying he misses him. I think this is similar to Luke's character development throughout PJ. He goes from being this fake, full-of-hatred camper to a poor lost soul who wants his family back.
This is another great poem! You should make a separate folder for these in your portfolio.