Long ago he was blinded
by Nobody.
Come back here!
Avenge me, father Poseidon!
And Poseidon did.
But so far his eye remains sightless,
something no vengeance can ever bring back.
.
He sat in his cave,
tending his sheep
and living his life.
What do you want, pesky mortal?
Even before he was blinded,
he couldn't see the crafty plan
that Odysseus had woven.
.
So he ate some of Odysseus' men,
thinking that they tasted good
enough to eat.
You will be eaten next, Odysseus!
But all his might and power
had no effect on the tricky deception
of Hypnos, god of sleep.
.
He woke up
to searing pain,
not knowing what had happened.
I am blinded by--Nobody!
A steaming hot stick,
sharpened by Odysseus' own sword
stabbed into his one eye.
.
And now he rests,
tending his sheep
and living his life.
Why can I not see?
It's a long story--
Starting at a hero named Odysseus.
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139,305 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
Haha, sorry. Darn repeats.
Hell Artemis28, Elysium here with a review.
So I'm just gonna dive straight into the review, and I will say this is rather tasteless. Yes it tells a story but it hardly has details. Although, everything is historically correct and I applaud you for that.
So, your poem just dives right in, it's straightforward, it's kind of a bad start. Also, who is 'he?' Yes, his name is in the title, but repeating the name would be nice.
How else did he live his life? Yes, he did tend to his sheep and sat in his cave, but what else did he do?
These lines are very weak, especially when starting a stanza. Your first line reminds me of a sentence in this middle of a story, "So blah blah blah did that." That word 'so' shouldn't even belong there. Now we go to the second line in the stanza, 'thinking that they tasted good.' I personally don't like how this is worded, particularly because of the word 'thinking.' The third line in that stanza irritates me. Instead of tagging it along as a third line, why not add it to the second line? It looks a lot better placed there.
Yes, you did use 'searing' to describe it, but could you possibly delve into the situation? Describe more of how to pain felt. Also, I would make that one line instead of two.
This last line is weak. Historically correct, but weak. In the preceding lines, you built it up to the ending, and then the last line was just a crash and burn.
Overall, I do see you do have somewhat of a series here with Greek mythology, and that's a great idea. I haven't read your other ones, but this does need work. Don't let this review discourage you. Don't give up and always write!
-Elysium
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
I've been meaning to review this lovely poem but never got around to it, until now. Now you know me already: I know nothing about Greek Mythology but your poems seem to hold an insight on it better than I knew.
The spacing for this poem seems to bother me a little (it can be fixed with ctrl + enter). However, you can choose to leave it as itself. One thing, I've noticed is the imagery is good as always since I can imagine the stabbing of the giant's eye and making him blind-- I can feel through the thoughts of the giant. Another thing is the italics seem to be the thoughts of the giant when he is being stabbed, or another story going off of it.
In the beginning of this poem, you seem to drag the reader in with the sense of feeling sorry for the giant/Polyphemus. Then as the poem seems to continue on, we see the POV of someone who felt sorry for Polyphemus.
As the rest of the poem was good and told a story, you lost me here. As I am re-reading it, I can sense the different feelings for this stanza.
I felt this little part of the stanza seemed to fall apart and confuse me. First, I would remove "so" from the beginning since it just seems to fall out of the place with the beat. Then it continues on, and I feel, "enough to eat" should be combined with "good enough to eat", since I was reading this and "enough to eat" seemed to be floating on its own.
Overall, this was a lovely poem. There seems to be two stories blending together-- one in normal font and in italics. It also gave me an insight on Greek mythology that I never knew.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hi Artemis28, Felistia here with a short review on you poem.
Firstly I love how you wrote a poem about a Greek story. I love the Greeks and all their myths and legends and now you wove it into a poem. Well done, I love it. I was a little confused at first, but as you get into the poem you start to pick up speed and story gets more interesting. I can't find anything that I would change with this poem and I can't find any spelling mistakes, so well done.
You are really good at writing poems and almost every single time I review you there it practically nothing to change in your writing. Never stop writing and I hope to see more of your awesome work soon. Have a great day\night.
Thank you!