Empousa

This was a unique poem, interesting genre that we don't get to read much on YWS. Well here's my review:

Wording/Grammar

Eclectic language (bronze, Hecate, lures etc) that really fits well with the content of the piece.

Your grammar, spelling, and capitalization seemed spot-on and really consistent, so no issues there. The only suggestion I might have would be to break up the last stanza into two sentences to further highlight the meeting and hammer down the conclusion.

Formatting
I liked that you did a consistent 4 line stanza for all of the stanzas, this made the poem look clean to the eye and you let one clear thought develop in each stanza. I'm not sure that breaking up the last stanza into 5 lines really did anything for you.
Ask yourself how breaking the last line into two lines gives the poem any additional meaning. I feel like since the line is so short anyways it doesn't add any new meaning but makes the last stanza a little clunky and looks out of place.

Although I love the word intoxicated in the 2nd stanza, it also looks a bit short on it's own. Consider moving it up so the line is " So they come intoxicated" and then adding another line in the second stanza.

Your 4th stanza while giving some good imagery doesn't do a lot for me as far as progressing the story. I may just be missing the symbolism of what a bronze leg and a goat are, but I don't think this adds a lot for you, and isn't all that great imagery-wise either. Rather than straight out saying "red eyes, pale skin, bronze leg" which reads a little boring, you could incorporate that into actions. For instance incorporating action with description could be something like:
"She gazes on victims with red eyes,/ wraps her bronze leg over mortal thighs,/ and wipes a blood drop away/ from her cherry lips with a thin pale finger"
This moves the story along without being an information/description dump.

Also in 4th stanza "pale skin with no color" is redundant.

I like the 5th stanza the best, somewhat mysterious in how she draws the men in.

Content
I like that you decided to combine Greek mythology with this love/vampire story. I wish that the story had gotten a little bit more developed. Although short poems are nice, I felt like this poem could have used a few more stanzas to really flesh out the story you were trying to tell.

I feel like this poem is so short that I almost don't understand what is happening. There is a temptress vampire girl, and then you describe her physical appearance, and say that the men "are already/there". I'm a little bit lost as to whether this poem has a "moral" or "point" but I guess the point is maybe just to paint a quick picture of a scenario. Generally I like a poem that has a more absolute "point", but that is just a personal preference. If your intent was just to paint a picture adding a few more lines and varied descriptions like maybe how she bites, the men's physical descriptions, or why/how she is became a vampire would be good. Right now it feels like I'm just reading the bare bones.

Overall good piece! Good luck in future editing and writing!

I hope my review was helpful, please let me know if you have any questions of clarification about what I wrote.

~alliyah~

Hey Artemis28! CHRISSY321 here on a quick review so I don't completely bring shame upon myself for review day! XD

*Happy review day!!!!* (extra happy because it is also my B day! )

Okay, just wanted to start off saying that your poem here is awesome! It is really cool, and I have not seen anything like this before (at least to the best of my knowledge) , which makes this really cool and unique! I love seeing that in different works!

I know it can be hard to write poetry, so I give you a big round of applause on writing something like this! I love the original idea, and the description! It is awesome!

One question- is she some kind or vampire creature? I don't know, I tried to imagine it, and it seemed like it until the description of the two very different legs.... interesting!

Okay, now that I am done raving on about how awesome you poem is, I have to try and help it be better! Hmmm, there is a challenge!

Okay so if there was something I would fix, it would be in the last stanza:

"But it doesn't matter

what she looks like in the end,"

I would not have the 'but' there. I think that having just 'it doesn't matter' makes if flow a little better in my opinion!

Okay, so other than that I really enjoyed this! I again love the unique idea and imagery used in this, and I greatly encourage you to keep writing! Thanks so much for sharing!


~Chrissy <3

Wow beautifully written love!
Love it! I don't know what the creature is of but when I read
your poem it gave it all away. Powerfully structured. Your imagery
was good. Your chose of vocabulary was satisfying like 'lures', 'Wickedly beautiful'
'flaming' and 'intoxicated'. They just blended right through giving a astonishing flow of the poem itself.

But there is one thing that you should consider to make this poem 'pop'.
You should just remove the last verse/stanza and let the 5th verse/stanza end the poem.
Because it feels satisfying when you end it off with 'because the men are already there'. It leaves a satisfying atmosphere when it is ended with that stanza. You don't have to repeat the first stanza again. It just disrupts the flow.

But anyway, it was pretty good! I loved it. Keep up the good work darling,
Cheers!