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Annabeth

by erilea


Don't say what you want. Say what you know.

Child, why do you bring these monsters to our home?

You're threatening your family, Annabeth.

I don't know who to call my family anymore.

Is it Luke?

Dad?

Thalia?

Athena?

...

I thought you were supposed to be smart.

Toughen up, Annabeth. You're already eight.

You're in the real world now. It bites.

If only I could see the world and know--

Who can I trust?

What am I capable of?

I want to go and test my abilities.

But at camp--

Fight and train. You're not ready.

...

I definitely have strong feelings for you.

I just don't know whether they're positive or negative yet.

I'm a daughter of Athena, and I never lose.

I can save the world.

I can do what I want.

I am seventeen, and--

I choose where I belong.


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45 Reviews


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Reviews: 45

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Wed Jun 20, 2018 2:43 pm
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Lives4Christ24 wrote a review...



Salutations @Lupa22, @Lives4Christ24 is here for yet another review.
I hope I don't offend anyone with my reviews,my only intent is to edify and encourage other writers through constructive criticism.
I loved the Percy Jackson and Olympians series. I found this poem because I thought, does anyone actually write fan fiction poems, and I found this amazing poem. I like how you show her thoughts from different ages. The flow is great in this poem, it doesn't break and you did a good job on the free verse. I like how you have

I can save the world.
I can do what I want.
I am seventeen, and--
I choose where I belong.

In bold it really shows how she is firm in her thoughts. I really like it and will read more of your work.




erilea says...


Thanks for the praise!



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Wed Dec 21, 2016 8:01 pm
sapphireluna wrote a review...



Knowing who's talking helps it make more sense.
I actually really appreciated this poem! I am a Percy Jackson Fan myself, though not a big one. However, I fully understood what was going on, how Annabeth felt, and how much pressure she is under, which is a wild feeling and is extremely important for writers.
On the down side- I wish you had made it jump from equal amounts of time. For example, starting at eight, and adding three years, three years, three years until she is 17. That way, the poem may have had less of a time gap in between, and would have let you add more people's perspectives. Does that make sense? I can't tell if I'm framing it well.
Anyways, I really appreciate this as a Percy Jackson fan, and I feel like its extremely well written. I can tell you have experience is the fan fiction poetry realm.
Thanks! This is a true, heart felt piece.




erilea says...


I've made other ones, if you want to go check them out.
Thanks! I understand the time lapse is a bit strange. Sorry about that?



sapphireluna says...


Don't be sorry!
Let me offer you some free advice. (Hamilton references. LOL)
Never apologize when your getting constructive criticism. Stand up for your work, for you choices, and stick with it. Its your piece. Your art. Not everyone may appreciate it, but don't apologize for it!
Best wishes, and I hope you take what I say into consideration.
XXX,
sapphireluna



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Wed Dec 21, 2016 12:00 pm
ZeldaIsSheik wrote a review...



This is ZeldaIsShiek here again to review a -partially plagiarized- poem! We'll get more on the plagiarism later, but until then, let's begin!

So I did like this poem a bit, but it doesn't really speak to me. It is sort of mediocre, just by the word choice and how you don't explain anything about the characters in the beginning. You also didn't mention that this was based off of 'Percy Jackson' at the beginning, which threw me off a bit.

Now let's finish off this shorter review with the plagiarism. I noticed that the last four lines were a complete copy-n-paste replica of lines from a play. But it's okay because there are a lot of things on the internet and it could have just been a coincidence. I am actually not surprised this is a mistake, as it happens to me a lot.

That's all for this review. See you next time!

-Harrison




erilea says...


Zelda, if you read the warning I posted in the description of the poem, I tell you that it's based off of Percy Jackson.
I had no idea about the last four lines. XD
Thanks for the review!



ZeldaIsSheik says...


Oh, sorry. I must have missed it. Thanks!



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Wed Dec 21, 2016 3:56 am
sapphireluna says...



Can you explain to me whos talking?




erilea says...


Ah. The italics in the first stanza is Annabeth's family. The non-italics are always Annabeth. The italics in the second stanza are the campers of Camp Half-Blood. Everything in the last stanza is also Annabeth.
Hope this helped!



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Wed Dec 21, 2016 1:06 am
DragonWriter22 wrote a review...



Hey Artemis28!

This is another excellent Percy Jackson Character Poem. Again I love how you managed to pick out the inner struggle and essence of a character and put it into poetic form. I liked the contrast you set up with the statements from others in italics and then Annabeth's in bold. I'm not sure if the bolding was necessary since her part could have been left to regular font and the contrast still would have held. The bolding does also add a sense of strength in the words that regular type wouldn't have. This effect might have also been stronger if the parts before Annabeth were sure of herself were put in regular type and then the last part were bolded to show her final determination. The bolding also makes it a little hard to notice the italics in Annabeth's speech. I didn't notice for example, that "Athena?" was in italics until I reread it thoroughly to write this review. Changing it to the above regular type till the end could help fix that. It's still a strong poem the way it is though, so the change isn't necessarily necessary.

I think you did a good job with voice in showing who was talking in the italics and bold. The only part I felt confusion in was the second italics part. The first is Annabeth's father I beleive, the last is herself, but I'm not sure who is speaking in the second part. This doesn't take away too much from the poem, but I am left feeling curious. I can think of a few people who it might be due to her age at the time, but I can't really be sure.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem and I love how it shows Annabeth's growing process from an unsure child to a determined teen. The last comment I have to make is to address something brought up in the last review. I believe that "fight and train" can be left as it is since they really are different things. It's true people in camp half-blood train to fight, but they also train in other things as well.

Keep up the good writing!




erilea says...


Thank you so much for the review, Dragon! :D In the second stanza, the italics are mostly the campers in Camp Half-Blood. I will fix the formatting like you said. Much appreciated!





Ah, that makes sense (: Thanks for the clarification



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Tue Dec 20, 2016 7:13 pm
MrMuddyPig wrote a review...



Hey! Mr. Muddy Pig trying to get a few points here.


I'm not sure but I think this is Percy Jackson fan fiction. So I will review it like that.


The biggest mistake I saw was how the bold and italics were used. I don't get if it's two characters speaking or if the italics is someone thinking.

Anyway, time to review the poem.

1.Fight and train

These words are practically synonyms. Either find another word or remove one of them.
Or write, -keep fighting-.

2.I am seventeen,

Wait. Didn't you mention earlier that Annabeth was eight?

Anyway, this poem is so good to the point that it was hard to review your mistakes.

Bye and keep writing.


--Mr.MuddyPig




erilea says...


Ah, to clear things up a bit...
The italics in the first two stanzas is other people talking. The bold is always Annabeth, and the italics in the last stanza is Annabeth as well.
Yes, I did say that Annabeth was eight, but this is a sort of time-lapse poem.
Thanks for the review!



MrMuddyPig says...


You welcome




The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
— Alvin Toffler