Telekhines

hey, this is the first poem ive read about any kind of greek mythology and ive got to say, as a mythology enthusiast i love it but i will have to agree with the person below me that you dont really manage to capture that sympathetic veiw you want to get over the telekhines. i would suggest you either write multiple poems, each leading into the next as if you make one massive poem it might turn a lot of readers away, or you could write a short story or somthing similar to that. as i personally feel like this could make for a really cool story, especially if you use some good emotional language in it. but thats just my little opinion, hope you keep writing cool mythology stuff

Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this.

So, overall, this is a pretty cool concept, writing from the telekhines' point of view and telling the story of how they turned against Mount Olympus. I'm assuming you want to make them seem sympethetic, like their anger is justified, but that's not really happening for me. The problem is, this poem is a bit bland. It tells the story straight-up, but we don't really get a chance to get into any of the telekhines' heads and feel what they feel, meaning that by the end, we know they want revenge, but since we haven't been given a reason to care about them or the Olympians, it doesn't have a lot of effect on us.

Instead, you could tell the story from the point of view of one telekhine, and take the reader through each part of the story and show us how they feel cheated and what drove them to revenge.

Also, right now it doesn't really read like poetry. If you were to remove the line breaks, you would basically have a paragraph of prose. There isn't really any of the imagery or similes or metaphors or the other poetic devices that make poetry beautiful, so you might want to consider finding a really powerful piece of imagery to use to spice this up.

Finally, I'd reconsider your use of italics. The problem is that they are inconsistent - for two of the stanzas, the italics are the dialogue of the Olympians, but for the other two they are the telekhine's dialoge. I'd recommend picking one or the other, to keep it consistant.

And that's all I've got for you! I hope this helped, and from one Percy Jackson fan to another, I think this is super cool. Good luck and keep writing!

Hello,
farah here to review. I really loved the the style you used in your poetry. It is pretty unique. The anonymity of these warriors who rebelled against gods made the the poetry even more intriguing. The use of italics was appropriate. But I'm not to sure about the last stanza.

"Day in,

day out,

we are still waiting. But do not worry.

We will have our revenge soon"

I understand your purpose for writing it. But I'm not sure if the abrupt change of narration was a wise thing to do.
In the end its your writing, and I might have not fully grasped the idea.

Overall, great job! I personally love mythology, so this was a fun read.