Her sister Charybdis
churns below
bringing sailors in.
But whenever ships try to escape
the whirlpool
she invades,
coming down with her six heads
and grabbing men
to feast on in her cave.
.
They think they've escaped danger,
but not yet.
Scylla's waiting.
.
She grabs whatever she can.
She's not a picky eater.
But sailors are her favorite meal,
and they're the ones that arrive
the most.
If they try to escape her,
she'll pick up the entire boat.
She's determined to eat her fill.
.
They think they've escaped danger,
but not yet.
Scylla's waiting.
.
Once she's eaten her six men
the sailors are relieved of her.
She watches them with green-eyed hatred
as they chug on past
but she patiently holds on
until the next boat comes.
.
They know they've escaped danger,
but Scylla isn't satisfied.
She's waiting.
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139,307 Literary Works • 672,528 Reviews
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
I know zero about Greek Mythology, however, I do poetry and whatnot. That being said, I must admit, I enjoyed the tone and fast paced of this poem. Even though there is little imagery, I can simply think of the churning, raging waters of this poem and the creature that eats the sailor that cross the path of it. You create a lovely image of Scylla (as I can pull together, she was a sea witch who feasted on young sailors. Lovely.) For someone who knows nothing about Greek stuff, this caught my attention as suspenseful and enjoyable.
Few things I like to point out in this poem: most poems, I've read have the classic, standard pattern of stanzas (which is easily made with ctrl + shift) since it can be viewed as neat and readable. Another thing, there is little to none punctuation throughout this poem, however, that is fine. Just some advice: when writing a poem, think about where commas, hyphens, and periods go. They can create the theme and tone of the poem-- also can make the reader stop and get where they are getting to (almost like a stop sign).
You repeat this as a threat or warning. It gives the feeling of foreshadowing for those who might travel down the same path, other sailors have gone.
For this stanza, I like to suggest some ideas that can help you re-write this:
For one, I don't think you need "exactly six" or the line before that. If you want to be put six men, that is perfectly fine. As it continues on, the sailors aren't scared as much as they were before. However, when the next boat comes, Scylla will attack and at all cost eat the poor humans.
If you don't mind me asking, what is she holding onto? Her pain? Her thoughts of attack? Her plan of attacking? Try explaining more of the battles (maybe do something from a sailor's POV?) The way you used "wisely" seems to be an adverb. It doesn't exactly lead onto the next point and confuses me a little. What I suggest, is just remove it.
This was a lovely poem that educated me on one part of Greek Mythology. I hope to read more of your works dealing with mythology.
If you like me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Hey Artemis28. I saw the title of your poem and thought this sounds like an interesting poem. I have read it through a few times and it just gets better and better.
-The poem is a good length. If you wanted it could be a bit longer but do not make it any shorter. On Charybdis. I think there may be a sequel to this poem. Perhaps focusing more on her, just my opinion. I loved the somewhat vivid word choice throughout.
-On your word choice. It seemed to die down a but towards the end. You might want to revise that. It gave the reader a feeling of this intense action movie and then everything just stopped.
-The ending was great. Just when you think the horror is over, it has really just started again. "She's waiting." Very scary ending to a very spooky poem.
Great Job!
-lizzybookclubqueen1