*This story is underneath my folder titled “Binky Slinky the clown and other stories”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33 [2]”. Enjoy!*
Oh Talia, you magical witch
You fell only for a mere human
He was so kind, he was so sweet
To you, he was your life’s treat
Why, you thought that he’d be there till the end
But Damon fell for another girl
And so you were just “his friend”
Talia, you’re a witch
You’re not some girl to be left to rot
Though he and his wife have two boys of their own
That doesn’t mean you can’t let your presence be known
Creep out of the shadows
Take what you deserve
For what you deserve is everything
And all that is in between
………………………………………………………
Talia had to watch as Damon married another woman at his wedding. It wasn’t like she asked to be a witch, but she thought that he would appreciate her more. She knew that she deserved better!
Love can be beautiful thing that brings people together, that intertwines them forevermore.
It can also create deep, burning hatred that spirals down longer than the Nine Circles of Hell, that can leave impressions that go past bone marrow.
She watched, and she changed.
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139,207 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hi creepy. I suppose it is officially spooky booky season isnt it? Let's get into the festivities.
Im a little confused by the meter and rhyming scheme of the poem. You rhyme sweet and treat in back to back lines, and then friend and end in alternating lines, and later own and known, but its kinda chaotic as far as reading it with sjy sort of rhythm. I would suggest trying to use just one or two meters (you can even change it halfway through) so its easier to process.
I do love love the last two lines of the poem. It sounds so much more cool and, in this case menacing, than saying you deserve the world or something more cliche. Speaking of last lines, I love how the last line of the prose could be taken positively, but you spin it on its head. You do it a few times throughout to the point where the reader could also be forgiven for thinking she is a woman scorned and not a crazy witch.
~Messy
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this and thank you for your suggestions.
Honestly, this was amazing. I could visualize the characters emotions very well. You went into depth on Talia's emotions. You pointed out that even if you are in love with someone, they won't always be in love with you. That makes the story very relatable to the reader! You talked about how Damon was Talia's true love, while she wasn't his. But you also pointed out that she can still make herself be known to him more than friendship wise. You described Talia going to Damon's wedding, not as the bride, but as a guest, simply watching from the crowd. You described how love can bring people together, but it can also be torn apart, making the reader remember the harsh reality of life. This was very alluring, the title instantly made me drawn to it. The last sentence leaves the reader sitting there, trying to process what they just read. I found it very relatable to the point I was wondering if you were stalking me...
While this was greatly structured, here is some suggestions and questions I have! Try to describe what Damon, Talia, and the girl he married looked like. How did Damon and Talia meet? What is the concept of witches in this world?
I really didn't have anything bad to say, this is a beautiful piece of work! Keep doing amazing!
I%u2019m very glad you enjoyed this! Damon and Talia met at school and Talia was born with witch powers. She comes from a family of witches but people do not believe in witches. Damon knows that she%u2019s a witch, but he doesn%u2019t think that she will do anything drastic%u2026
I have character designs of them and other stories with them! Would you like me to link them to you in another comment?
Again, glad you liked this!
I would love that!
Here are the stories that connect to this:
Cathleen’s creepy clown doll
Estella’s escape
Saving George
They just don’t know
In Heaven, they are free, in Hell, she will bleed
Talia, Damon, and Trista’s thoughts as it all unfolded
The six Halloween tale in this story is the first story I wrote with some of these characters (not Talia, Damon, or Trista. Other characters that connect to the story you just read):
31 horrific Halloween Tales
This is Talia. Her in the pink dress is her regular look and her in the blue/green attire is what she wore when she attended the wedding (I use Gacha Club to make my characters):
This is Damon. The first is him regular and the second is him getting married:
(Ignore how I made his eyes a different color in the wedding picture lol)
This is Trista, Damon%u2019s wife. The first is her regular and the second is her as a bride:
OMGGGG I LOVE THEMM
Thank you!!!