Saving George

by creeperfeverdreams

Published November 17, 2023

12+ Violence Mature Content

In Binky Slinky the clown and other stories

*This story takes place after my story “Estella’s escape” and “Cathleen’s creepy clown doll”. You can read those two stories under my folder “Binky Slinky the clown and other stories”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

Introduction

Estella lay in the field of wildflowers, looking up at the blue sky.

Heaven was nice, but…

George was still trapped in the clown doll. She kept thinking about saving him, about going back to Earth and bringing him to Heaven. Would it even be possible?

It was worth a try.

Chapter One

Estella closed her eyes, thinking of Binky Slinky, the clown doll. She pictured herself back in Earth, with the doll, helping George escape…

The very ground beneath her melted…there were noises…people talking…

Estella opened her eyes. She was in an antique shop, but it was different from the other antique shop, where she originally found Binky Slinky.

Her eyes scanned the shop, looking for the clown doll. There were people looking for items to take home, old things that no one appreciated.

“That one! I want that clown doll!” A little girl said enthusiastically, pointing to…

Estella groaned. She should have known that would happen.

The little girl was pointing to Binky Slinky.

She wasn’t the first little girl who wanted that godforsaken button-eyed clown doll. Estella’s little sister, Cathleen, was drawn to it, and after her, a little girl named Anahi.

Why, why, why did little girls love creepy clown dolls?

No time to waste. George was trapped in the doll, Estella needed it.

She ran past the people and melted through the shelves, the only thing in mind was the clown doll. Estella was an angel, she could pass through objects just like a ghost could, she was invisible to the mortal eye, just like a ghost.

But unlike a ghost, she could touch solid things.

Estella snatched the doll, paying no mind to the little girl’s whining and the whispers of perplexed individuals watching a flying clown doll.

She had a mission in mind.

Chapter Two

AT ESTELLA’S OLD HOUSE

Estella ran down the sidewalk, holding the doll. She remembered the way back to her home, even after years of being dead.

She stopped in front of her house. It stood as it did in life, except that it was unoccupied. It made her smile inside that it didn’t look like a shell of what it once was, like most houses lost to time.

With the doll in hand, she ran inside.

Estella had to save George.

Chapter Three

Estella ran up the stairs and into her room. She placed the doll on her bed and held its soft body with both hands.

Something in her was telling her that it was the way to free George. Something in Estella was guiding her, helping him out.

From Estella’s lips, she said:

“Bring this boy with me

Bring us to Heaven, where we will find glee

Help him escape this prison

Help him be rid of this position”

For a brief moment, Estella thought that she felt hands reaching out to her through the cloth, yearning to get out, but then, they were pulled back into the clown’s seams.

Estella frowned, looking at her backyard.

There was a woman in a 1920s pink dress standing there, with curly short black hair and blue eyes. She seemed transparent, to flicker in and out of life.

Estella had seen her in a flashback that George had taken to her years ago, the night he and his brother were murdered. They were both killed by Talia, a jealous witch.

Estella hadn’t seen her again until that moment in the backyard.

Talia came back. Talia was trapping George.

She had to deal with Talia.

Chapter Four

Estella floated through her walls and faced Talia, who was smiling down at her.

“What more do you want? You already killed him, why are you here?” Estella asked. It prickled her skin that Talia was smiling at her, as if it were all a game.

“I didn’t know that spirits could linger in objects. When I saw you with him, I realized that souls could be put in the doll.” Talia said.

“I need that doll. I need it for my love. Won’t you be a nice kid and give it to me?”

Her “love” was George’s father, whom she killed his children over. She only wanted it for her own gain, nothing else.

Estella tried flying away, but the world around her was spinning…changing…

“You can’t run from me.” Talia hissed through serpentine lips.

Chapter Five

Estella blinked her eyes. It appeared that she was in a small cafe, decorated with pink and white roses. The scent of tea was sweet and pleasant. Next to Estella, Talia stood.

In a little booth was a woman who looked just like Talia, except she was wearing a green satin long-sleeved dress with a skirt that seemed to billow underneath her.

Estella sighed. She knew what it was. It was wasting her time, stopping her from helping George.

It was a flashback.

Chapter Six

A young man with George’s black hair and Gavin’s green eyes, wearing a suit, walked into the cafe and joined Talia at the table.

“Remind me why this has significance?” Estella asked.

“For you to understand!” Talia complained.

Estella rolled her eyes. Was Talia so weak as to try and make Estella change her mind? Or did Talia have a different motive?

It didn’t matter, because Talia was in control. Estella couldn’t get out of a flashback unless Talia ended it.

So she watched as the father of George joined Talia at the cafe table, speaking in sweet tones of love, Talia giggling behind a white gloves hand all the while.

Huh. Why did he speak to Talia in such a way? Wasn’t he married?

“He already had a wife, yet we met up, here.” Talia said, seeming to read her mind.

“So there was…an affair?” Estella asked. She hadn’t thought of it like that.

Talia nodded.

“Yes, there was an affair.”

Could the woman twirling her pearls and giggling once in a while behind gloved hands really murder an entire family?

Estella didn’t want to think so, but she herself killed Nico, and Nico was just an innocent boy, thirteen years old, just like Estella.

So, in reality, anyone was capable of evil. Even the “innocent” ones were. Especially the “innocent” ones.

Chapter Seven

The cafe around them changed, as though Estella was in a movie that was being sped up. Most of the people that came and went were blurred, except for Talia and George’s father, meeting in the same spot, the same smiles on their faces.

“Damon was my best friend, but then, he became more. He kept meeting me here, promising me love.”

The world around them ceased to speed, went at a desired pace.

Talia and Damon weren’t sitting down anymore. Talia was bringing Damon in for a kiss. Damon tried to pull away, but she brought him close and forced her lips upon his.

No one did a thing.

“Why he didn’t want to kiss me will continue to baffle me. He was taking the time away from his family to see me, I deserved a kiss.”

“Perhaps you were just a friend to him?” Estella asked. She did not know much about falling in love, but she assumed that maybe Damon didn’t love Talia the same way she loved him.

“A friend? A friend?! No, this was more. Our moments were more. I know it.” Talia said.

But did she? Did she understand? Did she see how Damon tried to break away, but her hands gripped his?

Didn’t she ever learn?

No, Talia did not. Why else would they be in a flashback? If she learned, she would have never killed anyone in the first place.

The world around them faded away, melted back into the present.

Chapter Eight

They were back in Estella’s overgrown backyard, the dilapidated house behind them.

“So you see, Estella? I was wronged. Damon lied to me. But it’s alright, because I’m going to make him understand.”

“You have to give me the doll. You have to let me put Damon in it. I need that doll.”

How could Talia ask her that, after what she just showed Estella? Why would Estella change her mind? Talia was insane to believe that Estella would do anything for her.

“No.”

“No?”

“I said no, you hag.” Estella said, bile in her voice.

Talia stood still, registering what was said to her. Estella didn’t waste a second.

She floated right back to her house.

Chapter Nine

Estella’s room was the same sad shack of despair, except that the doll was gone.

She looked back outside.

Talia too, was gone.

“You’re too late, young one.” Talia said from downstairs.

But Estella knew it in her heart that she wasn’t too late, that Talia was playing a game of cat and mouse with her. She didn’t know how to explain it, but it was true.

That was why Estella was completely calm when she floated through her bedroom door.

She would find the doll. She would save George.

Chapter Ten

The doll had to be around somewhere…anywhere…there had to be more than just hallways and peeling wallpaper…

Wait…why was everything changing? All was disappearing, being replaced with…

Estella had a sensation inside her which was similar to that of riding a rollercoaster, being taken up…spun around…

Chapter Eleven

She was in a backyard, during the spring. Green leaves softly flew from the large tree with snaking branches.

A little girl who reminded Estella of Talia was running in the grass, with a young boy who slightly resembled Damon.

“Damon, come on! You have to keep up!” Talia said.

Of course it wasn’t coincidence that they looked similar. They were Talia and Damon.

Talia knew that Estella was looking for her, so she would keep shoving memories in her face.

Again, Estella felt that same awful, queasy, high-drop feeling that she felt before.

The world around her was fading away.

Chapter Twelve

Estella was in a gazebo, a perfect white one, just like the ones she saw in movies.

In front of her was Damon and Talia, Talia wrapping her arms around him, Damon pulling away.

“What’s wrong?” Talia asked with furrowed brows.

“This is wrong! I just wanted to be nice to you, I didn’t want this.” Damon said.

“But you kissed me.” Talia said.

Estella tried to fly away, but her wings weren’t picking up any wind. Moving them was like swimming in a pool of sludge.

But still, Estella persisted. Every second that she was in a memory was another second being wasted that could have been used to save George.

“I didn’t kiss you. You kissed me. I tried to move away, but you kept kissing me. I tried to tell you how I felt, but you always kissed me. You always kissed me.” Damon said.

If Estella had to listen to another conversation between two adults acting like they were her age one more time, she was going to puke.

“I love you, Talia. But not in the romantic way. In a friendly way.”

“Damon, wait!” Talia called out.

From what Estella could hear, Damon was running away, leaving Talia on the gazebo, alone with her feelings.

Suddenly, Estella was squeezed by the outside. The outside had become walls that were squeezing her into a blot.

If Estella had the ability to, she would scream out of frustration.

Talia wanted to keep her in pointless memories.

Chapter Thirteen

Estella was in a wedding, watching Damon and another woman walk down the aisle.

Since they were all Talia’s memories, Estella was able to recognize Talia easily in the pews. She was wearing a light pink dress with thin spaghetti straps, which touched the ground. It wasn’t like her usual short, frilled hot-pink dress. It was slightly softer, slightly kinder.

Estella could sense Talia’s feelings as well. Underneath the overall spell of calm Talia had forced herself to be for the good of the wedding, Estella felt an anguished anger burning beneath the surface.

Talia blinked back tears as she watched the only man she ever loved kiss another woman.

Estella backed away from the wedding, feeling just like she did the day she got run over by a car. Crushed and confused.

She never knew what a broken heart felt like until that very moment.

Estella never wanted to know again.

Chapter Fourteen

Estella was back in her house, standing in front of the living room. Talia was holding the rag doll in her clawlike hands, staring at it with eyes wide open, teeth gritted in frustration.

“Why, why, why won’t you leave?!” Talia screamed at the doll, shaking it in her hands.

Estella wouldn’t have it any longer. She spread her weakened wings and flew towards Talia, snatching the doll in her hands.

“Give it back! Please? I don’t want to be alone.” Talia said. Her voice had a tint of sadness in it, a sliver of lost hiding within.

Estella only looked at the doll, with its unemotional, button-up eyes. She hovered in the air, flapping her winds gently behind her. Though they were weak, they could still fly.

Estella ripped off the doll’s head, stuffing spilling out like entrails, ending it once and for all.

Chapter Fifteen

From the body of the doll, a soft yellow light shone through, enveloping the room in a sweet glow.

The light morphed and materialized into a young boy, about Estella’s age, with bright blue eyes and black hair that curled and swam underneath his chimney sweep hat. He wore a tie over his long-sleeved gray shirt. His pants were of a murky green, his boots were a dirt brown. Rusted, maroon colored blood seemed to drown the boy’s face down to his clothes. White, feathery angel wings flapped rapidly and weirdly on his back, as if he hadn’t used them in a while.

Estella remembered the flashback the boy took to her years ago, the one that showed his death. Talia had dressed him in a clown costume and covered him in clown makeup.

But perhaps, the clown essence faded away after he was freed. It was a beautiful thought, to think that he returned to his true self after so long of being trapped.

Talia’s eyes widened in surprise. She didn’t think that it would ever happen, that it would ever be possible.

Estella had freed George.

Chapter Sixteen

Talia’s eyes hardened at the sight of George. Her lips trembled as she looked up at him, her hands balled up in fists.

“How…how are you here? I killed you! I…you…you clown! You…you made him hate me…you…”

“I didn’t make him hate you, Talia. I didn’t even know about you. You took my life and for what? Because you were upset? Because you hated my father, so you took it on us? Is that why?”

Talia didn’t respond. She just stared at George with contempt and disgust boiling within.

“It doesn’t matter. You ruined me and my family’s life. I’ve waited for this moment for so long and now, now I will make you pay.” George said.

Estella watched wordlessly, hand in her mouth, eyes wide. If she had a functioning heart, it would be racing. Never had she seen George with such calm hatred.

Perhaps that was what was hiding in him all along?

Chapter Seventeen

George put his hand into his chest and dug deep, the sounds of organs and bones squelching and screaming within. Estella swallowed down her cry of fright as she watched George dig for…something.

Finally, after long, agonizing hours, George took out a rusted, bloodied knife.

“Do you remember this, Talia?” George asked, smiling as he held the knife up to his face.

“You killed me with it. You could have used your powers, but no, you had to make me suffer.”

“Good thing I’m using them now.” Talia said. She raised her hands up at George, attempting to do a certain kind of spell to him, but not a thing happened. It looked as though he were flapping through an invisible, thick sludge that wanted to drown him.

Talia kept trying in vain to hinder him. Her hands got weak, she gritted her teeth.

By the time she had given up, George already made it to her, knife in hand, a sparkle in his eyes.

“This is for all that you’ve done.” He whispered. Estella heard it, but only because she was paying attention.

Talia only gargled out her screech as the knife plunged into her body, blood rushing from her chest to her throat, desperate to find a flow and a pattern, but could only fall from her lips.

She dropped to the ground, as lifeless as the clown doll.

Chapter Eighteen

There was silence in the house. Estella stared at Talia’s wrecked form, transfixed. Death came for everyone. Death came for the innocent, death came for the horrid.

“Why did you leave me?!” George asked, tears in his eyes, a crack in his voice.

“I forgot. I’m sorry.” Estella replied.

“You forgot? For years? Why did it take you this long to come back for me? Do you know how long I was trapped in that doll, hoping to be free? Do you-“

“Yes, I knew! That’s why I came back for you!” Estella snapped, turning around to face George. She was tired of looking at the body of a woman who didn’t care.

“After I went to Heaven, my memory was all jumbled. Only the good things that happened in my life were clear to me. I couldn’t even remember exactly how I died. But when I spent more time thinking about the past, I remembered you. I came back here for you.”

Estella extended her hand for George to take. His tears had faded away, replaced with a soft smile. Without a single moment of hesitation, his bloodied hand grasped her burned one.

Together, they ascended to Heaven.

Chapter Nineteen

FLASHBACK

George and Gavin sat on the couch, skimming through the family photo album. It was interesting, to see their parents’ faces stare back at them from grainy black and white screens, faces sealed in youth.

They stopped at a photo of a girl with short, curled hair. She was hugging their father in front of his childhood home. The both of them were smiling, eyes squeezed shut in pure joy.

“Who is that?” Gavin asked, pointing to the woman.

George shrugged. How was he to know?

“That’s my old friend, Talia.” Dad said.

The boys looked up. Dad was standing in front of them, looking at the photo album.

He sat next to the boys and pointed to Talia.

“Witches are real. Did you know that? Talia was a witch, she could cast spells. Isn’t that cool?” Dad asked.

George and Gavin exchanged a look. Witches were real? Magic was possible?

“Can we meet her?” Gavin asked eagerly.

“No. We do not speak anymore.” Dad said with a thin, sad smile.

“Why?” Gavin asked. George pinched his arm. If Dad didn’t want to say anything, then Gavin shouldn’t ask.

“It’s complicated.” Dad said.

With that, he got up and left the children to look through memories encased in the pages of a book.

Chapter Twenty

George and Estella found themselves in a field of wildflowers. George didn’t need to know where they were, because he already knew, deep in his soul.

They were in Heaven.

“George!” Gavin cried out, running towards him.

Estella watched as George embraced the smaller boy, his wings enveloping Gavin in warmth. After so many years, they were together at last.

“Mom and Dad are waiting for you.” A voice said behind her.

Estella turned around. A young woman was standing behind her, her eyes still shining with sweetness.

It was Cathleen, her little sister. Unlike Estella, Cathleen had lived a full, healthy life and died of old age. After death, she retained her twenty-year old state. Their parents were in their middle aged state, in an effort to look older, but still slightly youthful.

Estella smiled and walked towards Cathleen. She loved her family dearly, but it always broke her heart to see that they went on in life without her.

Why did Estella have to die?

Epilogue

They spent their days peacefully in Heaven, for the most part. Sometimes, Estella and George’s minds would wander off to the brighter, happier past.

Though the past could not be changed, at least they were reunited with their family.

Wasn’t that what really mattered?

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Mint
Review
Mint wrote a review Review · Mar 21, 2024

Hello! I’ll be going chronologically and adding to my review as I read.


I don’t think it’s necessary to have an introduction for such a short chuck of story. I think that would be a fine way to start off chapter one, or it could even be reworked to have it be the same idea in a way you feel works well as the beginning of the chapter.


“The very ground beneath her melted…there were noises…people talking…
Estella opened her eyes.”

The explanation of her finding herself in the antique shop is underwhelming. I wonder if the magic system/rules are explained more later. That’s definitely something I would want to see in the story. An explanation of the system is something I would hinge a star on if I were reviewing a book.
I see you do go on to explain a bit more, personally I would like the explanation to be more alluded to rather than told to the reader outright. You could mention how she is phasing through shelves and ripping the doll out of her hand without immediately explaining that it’s because she’s an angel. I know it sounds contradictory, I’m telling you I want more explanation and then less explanation haha, but I would say it’s more about how the information is given.



“With the doll in hand, she ran inside.”


Not a critique or anything I just think it’s interesting that the doll can also go through the door when she’s holding it.


I had the same comment on the first work of yours I reviewed, the plethora of very short chapters is just too many. This one is older than the first one I reviewed so I won’t focus too much on things I’ve already said since you have a heavy body of work since this.


“Estella ran up the stairs and into her room. She placed the doll on her bed and held its soft body with both hands.”


If the house is occupied by someone else does it look different now after all these years? It doesn’t have to feel strange that she still feels a sense of ownership over the room and the bed but I would expect some kind of comment or acknowledgement that things aren’t the same, or if they are that’s even more peculiar.


“For a brief moment, Estella thought that she felt hands reaching out to her through the cloth, yearning to get out, but then, they were pulled back into the clown’s seams.”


If it was this easy for her to drop down from heaven and find his vessel and start trying to free him I wonder why she didn’t do it years ago. The story lacks an inciting incident, instead randomly years later she just decides she wants to help. If I were George, personally, I would be pissed that she just decided to try to help me get freed one day. This is the kind of decision I would expect to have consequences for her later in the story. Otherwise there should be a reason she decided in that moment to save him, maybe just got promoted as an angel, maybe there was someone she couldn’t interfere with who finally died so now she’s allowed back.


“There was a woman in a 1920s pink dress standing there”


I would say a 1920s style dress, also there were many dresses in the 1920s, I get the sense it’s more of a household day dress that a mother would be wearing, but it’s quite possible someone could read this and the only thing they know about the 20s is flappers. Or maybe that’s what was intended! In which case one of the readers is getting an incorrect idea about the introduction to this character.

Also super random comment but this describes the first “ghost” I ever saw as a child sldkfjksl, down to the haircut and color, though my ghost was in a 1940s style ball gown.


“Estella had seen her in a flashback that George had taken to her years ago, the night he and his brother were murdered. They were both killed by Talia, a jealous witch.”


There is so much information she already has that we aren’t privy to. Before this I would like to know who George is to her, why can he send her visions? But I would also much prefer this information be shown to us in a way that makes sense, or at least explains to us how she knows she’s a witch. Did George put that idea in her head? Is George a child? If both those assumptions are correct this would be a great opportunity to have her doubt her thoughts or the validity of the assumptions George made. “George seemed to think she was a witch, evil and jealous. If that were true, perhaps she was keeping him trapped. Talia would need to be dealt with.” Something like that. I just desperately want more information and more worldbuilding.

“I didn’t know that spirits could linger in objects. When I saw you with him, I realized that souls could be put in the doll.” Talia said.
“I need that doll. I need it for my love. Won’t you be a nice kid and give it to me?”

This paragraph break makes it sound like Estella is saying the second dialogue.



“Her “love” was George’s father, whom she killed his children over.”

It hinders a lot of the intrigue that could be built when information is given this way. I want to find out who her love is, who Georges father is, why and how he was killed. Being told this outright removes so many questions that could keep a reading turning pages to find out more.


“Estella sighed. She knew what it was. It was wasting her time, stopping her from helping George.
It was a flashback.
Chapter Six”

I have a few thoughts about this chunk of text. First there is no reason for a chapter break. They are in the same place and it’s only been a couple of sentences.
Saying this was a waste of time makes me the reader feel like it’s going to be a waste of my time to read. I do think it’s a good piece of action, to have Talia trap her in another place and time to hinder her, however there are more ways you could show her being exasperated. Personally as a reviewer I hate an unnecessary flashback so having a character tell me it’s a waste of time and then being outright told it’s a flashback put me a little on edge lol. I think those couple of likes could be a really solid introduction into the type of power Talia has so it would be worth it to rework the wording.

“Or did Talia have a different motive?”

This is the kind of thought I want to have for myself as a reader. Leaving some questions unanswered is what keeps people invested, they want to satiate their curiosity. I might have Estella think instead “Was she really trying to change my mind?” and leave it at that, it’s clear from the question there is an implied “or not.”

“It didn’t matter, because Talia was in control. Estella couldn’t get out of a flashback unless Talia ended it.”

Talia seems wildly OP. What are the limits to this power? She could keep her in a flashback forever, make her watch her entire life until she’s psychologically drained. Does it take real time or is it like a time stop situation. The fact that Estella isn’t immediately concerned about this being used as a weapon is wild.

Huh. Why did he speak to Talia in such a way? Wasn’t he married?
“He already had a wife, yet we met up, here.” Talia said, seeming to read her mind.
“So there was…an affair?” Estella asked. She hadn’t thought of it like that.

I was very confused why she didn’t already know this until I realized it wasn’t explicitly stated that she knew they were together, just that Talia called him her lover. I would make it clear when she says it the first time that Estella knows he was married to another woman, or at least that she’s perplexed by her saying he was her lover. Or I would remove this confusion because it seems like Estella already has all this information, there are better ways to tell the reader rather than have characters do things that are convenient instead of realistic.

“Estella didn’t want to think so, but she herself killed Nico, and Nico was just an innocent boy, thirteen years old, just like Estella.”

I like this piece of plot, the fact that Estella and Talia maybe aren’t so different, that Estella has some big flaws and demons. If it weren’t for the other points where I thought there was too many things being told to us instead of shown I would think this wasn’t a bad way to reveal this. Showing us that she made this mistake in comparison to what Talia did is good, but it also reminds me of the blunt sentences of exposition that don’t have the same set up.

“Why he didn’t want to kiss me will continue to baffle me. He was taking the time away from his family to see me, I deserved a kiss.”

This is a really good piece of dialogue, it implies things about her character and past. Of course Estella does go on to say the things outloud which perhaps takes some of the wind out of it. I think it would have more impact if it were something like
“Perhaps you were just a friend to him?” Estella asked. She didn’t know much about love, but she saw how Damon tried to pull his hands from Talia’s grip, how his eyebrows furrowed while hers softened.
Talia only smiled sweetly at the memory. She would never learn.
Or something to that effect.

“You have to give me the doll. You have to let me put Damon in it. I need that doll.”

Why is that doll special? We don’t know anything about it or George or how he ended up there. I would definitely want that information before the story of Talia’s lovelife. Also what year is it? The dad is still alive? Is it close to the 20s or does she just like vintage? If it is close to the 20s I wouldn’t use her dress as a way of describing the era because it implies that the dress is unique when it would be standard for the time. If it’s say the 30s the dress would be slightly outdated and that would be an interesting way to track the date.
“Estella’s room was the same sad shack of despair, except that the doll was gone.”

Bro I thought she had it with her the whole time. Why would she leave the doll that is embedded with a child’s soul just chilling in someone else’s bedroom while she’s talking to an evil murderous witch?

“Talia wanted to keep her in pointless memories.”

This is a good use of psychological horror, I like the lean into this. Of course it still makes Talia seem absurdly overpowered.

“Finally, after long, agonizing hours”

I assume this is hyperbole but it creates a very unclear picture. I would definitely edit this part. I do love the graphic description of him reaching into his own body.

“Estella heard it, but only because she was paying attention.”

That line sounds a bit silly. I know the intention is that he was very quiet and she wouldn’t have heard it if she weren’t paying attention but like yeah you’re not gonna hear anything really if you’re not paying attention.

“From the body of the doll, a soft yellow light shone through, enveloping the room in a sweet glow.”

Forgot to comment on this earlier but why did she know that would work?? And if she did why didn’t she do it earlier? Like years earlier??

“Estella extended her hand for George to take. His tears had faded away, replaced with a soft smile. Without a single moment of hesitation, his bloodied hand grasped her burned one.”

Personally if I were trapped in a clown doll that would not be enough explanation for me. Also how did they know each other and how was she involved with these people at all? Her memories were jumbled but she seemed to have all this misc. Knowledge about these people.
I really wish we had some explanation of her memories in the beginning because without it, it seems like there was no inciting incident she just decided one day to save him.

“Mom and Dad are waiting for you.” A voice said behind her.


So her parents died before her but now they’re waiting for her? How long did her journey to earth take? Did they die in that time?
Overall this is an interesting concept, her leaving heaven to finish her business - oh wait another thing, she said it was always little girls that wanted the clown doll, how many little girls had him? If she saw him passed down many years/generations that contradicts her telling him that her thoughts were jumbled when she got to heaven.
Ok that it.

It’s an interesting concept, a classic really, with some unique details. I would really like a lot more information about the world that this takes place in and the magic that exists. I’d like to see more trust in your reader in future writing. You like to tell us what’s happening but often it’s things we can figure out or questions that when left open could build intrigue.
As always take what is helpful and leave the rest! I look forward to reading more from you! You will probably see another review from me very shortly because I’m trying to move the older works from the green room!

Keep writing!

There are two other stories that come before this:

1. %u201CCathleen%u2019s creepy clown doll%u201D
2. %u201CEstella%u2019s escape%u201D

They are under my folder %u201CBinky Slinky and other stories%u201D.

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PKMichelle
Review
PKMichelle wrote a review Review · Dec 30, 2023

Hello friend!
Happy Review Day! I saw your work had been waiting in the Green Room for a while and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was awesome! You did a great job with this whole thing, and the plot was thick and wonderful!

Estella is trying to save George, but she has to get through Talia and her unreciprocated love for Damon. There is a great struggle that takes her through flashbacks to feel Talia's pain, but when it comes down to it, Estella comes up with the clown doll and saves George. This isn't the end, however, for George has some hatred toward Talia for killing him and has decided to kill her as well.

A lot happened in this short story, and it was all a blast to read!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be a small thing related to your use of quotation marks. In Chapter Eight, Talia was giving a speech to Estella, in which she says,

“So you see, Estella? I was wronged. Damon lied to me. But it’s alright, because I’m going to make him understand.

“You have to give me the doll. You have to let me put Damon in it. I need that doll.”


But since both lines are spoken by Talia, there is no need for the quotation mark at the end of the first quote. You would just leave it out and do everything else as usual, so it would look something like this:

“So you see, Estella? I was wronged. Damon lied to me. But it’s alright, because I’m going to make him understand.

“You have to give me the doll. You have to let me put Damon in it. I need that doll.”


But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, there would be, as always, quite a few. You did a lot of wonderful things in this!

The first thing I really liked was in Chapter Seven, when Estella is trying to make sense of Talia's story. You said,

She did not know much about falling in love, but she assumed that maybe Damon didn’t love Talia the same way she loved him.


This quick little quote did a lot in regards to showing Estella's character and what she knows. It provides a little insight into how young and naive Estella truly is, and it does it in a very creative way!

Another thing I enjoyed was in Chapter Thirteen when Talia was at the wedding. You said,

Talia blinked back tears as she watched the only man she ever loved kiss another woman.


This does a great job of truly showing how Talia never took a hint and why the story played out like it did. It also shows how traumatic everything that happened was for Talia and (sort of) explains why she lashed out the way she did. It painted an amazing picture of Talia's motives and showed a lot of emotion as well, so good job with that!

The next thing that caught my eye was in Chapter Fifteen, when you set up the story to make the reader think it's over, but the story just keeps on giving. You said,

Estella had freed George.


This was the main goal of the story! She did it! It's over! But not really, because George had some unfinished business to attend to. I just thought it was really cool the way it seemed like everything was done and okay, but there was still so much to the story, so kudos to you for writing such a complex plot!

The final thing in the story that I found quite enjoyable was the way you slightly played with the reader's emotions. In Chapter Eighteen, there was a seemingly happy ending after a very tense moment.

Together, they ascended to Heaven.


But then you get to Chapter Twenty, and there's a somewhat sad ending.

Estella smiled and walked towards Cathleen. She loved her family dearly, but it always broke her heart to see that they went on in life without her.


There were a lot of twists in this short little story, and a lot of emotions as well! And there were so many endings that I kind of expected it to just keep on going, and I don't think I'd be upset if it did! I was really getting into the never-ending story you had going on!

There were so many great things in this, but this was just a few of the ones that stood out to me!


Overall, you did a phenomenal job with this! I had a lot of fun reading it and taking in everything that was happening!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!



Noelle, you can lead a writer to their computer and give them coffee, but you can't make them write.
— CowLogic