Young Writers Society

Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in a quick review. I will quickly apologize on two fronts here as I don't know much about the other stories in this series, which will be a short one. Despite this, I hope that my thoughts will be helpful. I should stop talking and start reviewing soon. Let's get into it, shall we?

Overall This was a short but well-done piece. You do a great job setting up the idea of this idyllic almost sitcom-like family in only a few lines. Then you slowly reveal that something is hidden under the surface in a way where the length aids it a lot. Since it leaves a lot up to the reader's imagination with how they fill in the blanks.

Now forgive me if that last part is only based on lack of overall context. I do enjoy how it gives the reader a lot of questions because great horror is often the stuff the reader comes up with on their own.

I think we should move onto the feedback, don't worry there isn't much. As always I am not professional nor do you have to use anything I say.

A part of me wishes that we go to see a lot bit more personality from the characters. It could be as simple as adding an extra word to give us some insight.

For example is Damon a doting husband or is he a distant one and what about the others? is Trista a stubborn wife, maybe a hard-working one then there are the kids perhaps they are playful or creative.

A small touch like that could do a lot to help to make them seem real to the reader.

Regardless this was a good read even if it was a very quick one. As always keep writing and drink water!

Hi Vampricone! I always love reading through your songs, so I thought I would leave a review for this quick one that you posted. Despite it being short, I feel like it really hints that a lot more than what you say. You go through these different people, and provide brief descriptions of who they are. We meet Trista the wife and Damon. And then we meet the children too. It seems to be a picture, perfect family, as if nothing could go wrong, and as if they get along really well. But it seems that they are unaware of this person who is lurking constantly, perhaps watching them, waiting to do something bad. I love how you left us off on the spooky note:

Such a pity they don’t know

That Talia the witch lurks all the time

In fact

She may be lurking behind…