*This story is underneath my folder titled “Binky Slinky the clown and other stories”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Talia was burning in the deepest pit of Hell, but that didn’t bother her at all. Every pit of Hell felt deep, and the flames didn’t hurt her that much. They just felt lightly scarring. It was no fault of Hell, the place that was designed to make everyone suffer forevermore, but by the simple fact that she was Talia.
No, what bothered her the most was that Damon didn’t want to be married to her. He married Trista, a boring woman who could do no magic.
Her Mom and Dad were both gifted to be witches, but they told her to hide it. To keep her magic under wraps, so she would “protect” the humans.
But why should she care about what the humans thought? Humans were as good as dirt, except for Damon…
Kind, caring Damon who was frightened of her the moment he saw Talia burn a few trees down.
She could have used her powers for good, but where was the fun in that? Mayhem was more stimulating, and it wasn’t like she killed any humans. Besides, she was only a child at the time. She just wanted to have some fun with causing a forest fire. That field trip would have been boring without her.
The adrenaline rushed through her veins as the fire pushed out of Talia’s fingertips. Truth be told, she could do anything that she set her mind to, but in the moment, she wanted to burn those trees.
For she had a hunger in her that nobody at school understood. Not even her parents understood.
She wanted to have some fun.
Talia smiled at the memory. Though she burned in Hell, the fire reminded her of something sweet.
Life wasn’t meant to be boring.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello!
This is my first try at reviewing!
This is an amazing idea for a story and I think you could do some awesome things with it! Forgive me if I am missing context from other chapters, but I wish there was more to this story since it is very short - Damon, or Talia, or Trista aren't explained much so at all. It would be nice to know the why behind Talia being comfortable in Hell; has she been there a long while?
Thinking: what sensory details can you use to further describe "Hell" as a setting? It is a common place to reference rhetorically, but 'Real' Hell seems more complicated. Or, an alternate option, is this version of Hell a complete spin on what is assumed?
I hope my thoughts made some sense, haha!
Cheers!
So glad you enjoyed! I might add more in the future, but if you would like to see more, you can go look at my folder %u201CBinky Slinky the clown and other stories%u201D on my profile. ^v^
Hiya, mint here with a review! First off, I just wanted to say I think it's really cool how you write stories from the perspectives of multiple characters. It's fun and illuminating to see different perspectives of the same events. Now then, on to specifics!
What an epic first line! The subversion of expectations is what makes an absolutely amazing first line to me, and this is on point.
Now this is interesting... is Hell sentient? "tried" seems to be personification. But I would think what would make each person suffer would be different, so given how Talia isn't suffering in the flames, maybe Hell isn't able to come up with different ways to make people suffer?
I thought this was a good line to show Talia's immaturity, and almost naivety in a way. She seems to be following a moral code by its letter rather than its spirit, justifying her actions by how technically she did what her parents told her to do. So in a way, she seems to be a child even now, consumed with the desire to have fun regardless of the cost, yet also following the surface-level outlines of the morals taught to her. I could be reading too much into it, but regardless, nice job characterizing Talia with thoughts like these!
This sounds like a cheesy slogan for a vacation company or something, but in this context, it's chilling. >.>
I'm curious whether Talia will try to escape Hell. Sure, she seems to be fond of fire, but I feel like she'd get bored eventually, and being bored seems to be what she hates the most.
Also, I wonder what happened to her parents. What did they think about the forest fire, and about George, if they knew about those? That might not be relevant to the core story, but I'm curious xD
Thanks for sharing this story, and I hope you have a great day/night! =D
So glad you enjoyed! Hell was not meant to be sentient, but with my word choice, I can see why you would think that. I%u2019ll do a little bit of editing with this.
And if you are interested in learning more, you can go to my folder on my profile titled %u201CBinky Slinky the clown and other stories%u201D for more plot stuff!
I might add more to this in the future, I just have to think up lore! ^v^
Got it, thanks!