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18+ Language Mature Content

Reflecting Hearts - Prologue

by ariah347


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Prologue

I stood before the mirror, gazing at the fragmented remnants of the person I used to be. How did this reflection come to pass? The figure I saw felt alien–a body that surely could not be mine. Haunted eyes, set within hollow sockets and bewildered pupils, stared back at me. When did my hair become so disheveled and messy? I relentlessly gnawed on my lips, leaving them chapped and etched with marks that echoed my numbness. Tears smudged mascara stains on my face, usually covered in pristine makeup. The even-keeled girl I once knew now aligned with the chaos that had thrived beneath the surface.

Unable to bear the sight any longer, I looked away, only to be compelled, perhaps horrified, to look back. Is this who I had become? There was a time when I could fake confidence and composure. Only I knew that beneath the facade lay a frightened girl plagued by anxiety.

Before he entered my life, I possessed a clear sense of self, projecting a carefully constructed image into the world. I built walls as shields, defending the crumbling and dilapidated castle within. Those walls were prepared to repel anyone attempting to breach the cracks. Yet, I now realized their futility, particularly in guarding against him. He stealthily navigated past those defenses like a snake.

Dizziness gripped my head, and I glanced at the bathroom clock to regain my bearings. It read 1 a.m. The sound of rushing water snapped me back into reality. Startled, I realized I had been standing in front of the mirror while the shower ran. With eyes shut tight, I undressed swiftly and stepped into the welcoming warmth. Pressing the loofah into the soap nuzzle, I began cleansing my skin without seeing it.

A bruise on my knee and a scar on my thigh drew my attention. I stared at the bluish-purple skin. With the loofah in hand, I scrubbed vigorously, attempting to erase them as if they were mistakes on a page.

When my anger subsided, a diagonal line of irritated skin was left behind. The shower had turned cold, unbeknown to my distracted senses. As I switched off the water, a shiver ran through my body. Wrapping myself in a towel, I entered my childhood bedroom. Changing into sweatpants and a tank top, I realized I still did not feel purified.

Maybe the dirt I tried to cleanse—whether on my body, in my room, or within my life—would never truly go away. This filth ran deeper. It stained my heart. No amount of soap could erase the way he had changed me.

Fatigue weighed heavily on my eyelids, but I knew what would happen if I succumbed to sleep–I’d surely dream of him. Since the day we met, he had haunted my dreams. Even when I didn’t recall them, they permeated my subconscious, magnifying the betrayal.

I sat with my back against my bed and sighed into the ceiling, berating my foolishness. He did not deserve another thought, yet once again, I couldn’t escape him. As I surveyed the once-familiar room, it seemed foreign. Only a few years ago, a different girl would sit at that desk, poring over assignments on her laptop, obsessing over every word. She would practice speeches for debate class, preparing for opposing rhetoric about whatever topic the teacher assigned. Each morning, I would tuck in the corners of my comforter, smoothing the fabric to ensure no lump would disturb the day’s arrival. This room used to be the embodiment of perfection and poise. Now, I sat here enveloped by the exact opposite feeling. I was so stupid for being reliant on him, like a security blanket carried by a child.

My gaze drifted to the ground and landed on the circular light pink rug, mirroring the blanket wrapped around me. My friends and I engaged in Scrabble battles on this floor, laughter filling the room. I would perch at the vanity to my right, toes curled up on the bench, meticulously applying mauve nail polish to ensure uniformity across each toenail. He once called it a forgettable, unadventurous color—a shade that didn’t match the radiant canvas someone like me should possess. To this day, I remain confused about what he meant when he said that.

A swelling of pain built in my chest, bubbling up into my throat and exploding into a cry. I lay on my side in the fetal position, rocking and trembling against the side of my bed, only partially aware of my movements. My body contorted, trying desperately to expel the memory of him. And there, at the end of my feet, were leftovers of this alien with chipped red nails. In only a few short months, my entire life had slipped away.

Suddenly, my phone screen lit up, and my heart lurched. It couldn’t be. Instantly, it felt as if a lone fairway buoy had emerged amidst the vast sea of my self-loathing, offering a glimmer of hope for safer waters ahead. Deep down, I knew he was not my buoy but an anchor, threatening to drag me down. How could I still let that anchor trap my heart?

With trembling hands, I unlocked the screen, only to be taken aback by the sight of his name: Ezekiel.


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Wed Jun 05, 2024 6:04 pm
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RavenAkuma says...



This was a fascinating opening for a story! I'm already hooked by this poor girl's struggles, and your incredible narration of her feelings and surroundings. It seems like you already have some great reviewers who've helped you out with these chapters, so I'll catch up and start leaving reviews on those with fewer reviews. But of course, if you want an opinion from fresh eyes, I will gladly come back here and leave a full-length review for you ~

Nicely done! :D




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Mon Jun 03, 2024 5:28 am
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Obscura wrote a review...



Hey there ariah! I'm reading back on this piece because I'd like to review the pieces still stuck in the Green Room for so long. Sorry about that!!

I stood before the mirror, gazing at the fragmented remnants of the person I used to be. How did this reflection come to pass?


Wow! What a start. I am pretty instantly hooked. Your descriptions and visual imagery are classic and work well here.

Unable to bear the sight any longer, I looked away, only to be compelled, perhaps horrified, to look back. Is this who I had become? There was a time when I could fake confidence and composure. Only I knew that beneath the facade lay a frightened girl plagued by anxiety.


What a mood though. As someone who deals with mental illness on the regular, this resonates with me. Looking in the mirror is a struggle sometimes, and even on my good days I still just don't recognize who I am to who I feel (or want) to be.

As I surveyed the once-familiar room, it seemed foreign.


Wow, I've had little to no notes so far when reading this. You capture these feelings and the trauma left behind difficult experiences on those with mental illnesses superbly. It's kinda creepy how much I relate to this, but that really just goes to show how well you've created this.

For this line, I think you could remove the "once-familiar" here. It hits harder if you let the reader in that it seems no longer familiar with the latter half of this sentence; having once-familiar makes it seeming foreign not hit as hard.

This room used to be the embodiment of perfection and poise. Now, I sat here enveloped by the exact opposite feeling. I was so stupid for being reliant on him, like a security blanket carried by a child.


I wonder if you could explore the intricacies of this, or if you do in further parts. Now, I don't like the concept of "trauma makes you stronger" or "these are battles we all need to go through" because the reality of mental illness just /does not/ work like that. Mental illness is not a battle to overcome to level up like some video game; it is an illness that does not simply go away by sheer willpower.

But! I think it would be interesting to see the implications of how negative perfectionism is on a person's mental health. Perhaps, now that the room feels "the opposite", your character could be on the route to heal from the trauma in some way, or learn that perfectionism isn't a good thing, and the room being so foreign isn't necessarily a bad thing.

This was great! I can't wait to read and review more ^^ Hope this helped c:




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Tue Jan 30, 2024 10:19 am
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey there! Here for a review!

I feel two possible things about a prologue, either it is unnecessary or it adds something profound or hints at the story or an emotion we are getting into. And this was exactly that. I felt the emotions so clear, I could not express them. It could have easily come out as a very cringy and cliche emotion of breakup, but it didn't. Your writing style was shown perfectly and I loved all the metaphors and word choices and portrayal of fake confidence or you can say the youthfulness of a girl who was so unaffected before she had an event that changed her.

I cannot quote all of them but many good lines across this work felt real and comforting to hear as it was all very natural.

The first paragraph with the details of her appearance and reflection was extremely well done. One thing I loved the most which was consistent throughout the work was the details.

The things you mentioned about the room, the confident girl trying to be charming, the nail paint everything added a bit to the context, and how it hurts really when you change things not for yourself but for getting seen as how you want to be seen by someone.

I loved it I mean really loved it, no nitpicks for the prologue. Excited to get into this story of yours.

Keep Writing👍
ALICE




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Thu Dec 07, 2023 11:28 pm
ariah347 says...



I learned something new about YSW's site... text art shows up in everything but replies ツ




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Thu Dec 07, 2023 11:03 pm
PersephonesGarden wrote a review...



Hi! I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this, especially since I’m a new member (just joined today actually!), but I was really moved by the emotion already present in the piece! Anyways, here’s my review, hopefully I can be helpful 😊

First off, I feel like you very accurately represent the turmoil inherent in both girlhood and specifically a break up? (Just the prologue but I’m assuming maybe that’s what’s going on?) Personally, I recently went through my first break up, and the description you used in this piece helped me to put into words some of the emotions and thought processes I’ve been having myself. For example, a lot of the themes you’ve touched on have been themes I’ve been considering a lot as well: the disconnect between girlhood and growth, how relationships almost untether you, “before he entered my life, I possessed a clear sense of self”, and feelings of dependency “a buoy had emerged amidst the vast sea of my self-loathing… deep down, I knew he was not a buoy but an anchor threatening to drag me down.”

Second, the language you used was really good, a balanced combination of flowery description and straightforward sentences. I love very descriptive pieces, but sometimes they can feel heavy, yet your piece managed to be both light and digestible without loosing the beauty of imagery. It’s also impressive how you managed to express clearly emotional topics without it feeling cringy. The themes are deep and meaningful without it appearing over dramatic.

Lastly, it was very impactful for me! I can completely relate to the entirety of this prologue, and it’s comforting to see I’m not the only one thinking these exact same things! 😊
Hopefully my review was at least encouraging, tho it might not have been the most helpful, whoops. I look forward to reading the rest of the story; your style is very enjoyable and I hope to read more by u!




ariah347 says...


First off, welcome to YSW! I hope you find enjoyment here. I have been a member for only a few months and it has become a daily or weekly part of my life!!

Second off, this was great commentary! I am absolutely glad to hear that this hit home, felt authentic, and hit the nail precisely. Your assumptions about a break-up are spot on! You'll have to keep reading to know how it unfolds. I am actively working to post this in its entirety, so feel free to keep reviewing if you so choose!

Lastly, I am over the moon over your descriptions and connections to the disconnect between girlhood and growth and relationships, specifically this one, can unravel who we are. Writing, more often than not, comes from specific life experiences or inspiration. This story has elements from the depths of my being in the way it is worded, character inspiration, and the specific element of betrayal and the impact others have on us!

I really really really enjoyed your comment - day maker! Thank you so much for the kind words and taking the time out.

Wishing you well wherever you are in the world.


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ariah347 says...


Awe poo my text art didn't show up correctly LOL... Let's try again:


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With love, A
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Thu Dec 07, 2023 1:51 am
ariah347 says...



This is my second submission of this novel... I will be posting in smaller sections to make it easier to read and to give reviewers a chance to earn more points. I know prologues are not everyone's preference, but I enjoy them. Hope you enjoy!




ariah347 says...


PS rating is 18 due to language/mature content for later chapters.




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