Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
I came across a public exhibit near the art building. The installation featured a series of interactive displays. Displayed at the bottom were metal and glass pieces welded colorfully together, while digital screens projected pictures above that; with both, it appeared to be moving. Together, technology and materials created a cohesive work of art. As I looked closer at how people interacted with it, I noticed each person reacted differently. The intricacies and artistic techniques had their admirers, but it was the captivating effect of the screens that drew others in. I witnessed strangers discussing their interpretations and marveled at how it brought people together.
Suddenly, inspiration hit me. I started piecing together how art and business were similar, noting their balance. While art could evoke emotions and inspire, business, in turn, could create markets that reached wider audiences, make ideas into products, and provide economic security. What if a platform existed where these worlds could collaborate?
Once back at my computer, the words poured out of me like paint from a squeezed tube. I detailed an online community and space where artists could become entrepreneurs and network with businesses. As I typed, this was beyond my grievances with my father, but grew to dismantle the notion that pursuing art meant sacrificing financial stability.
As I stared at the blinking cursor on my laptop screen, my eyes flickered in unbelief at my rough draft. Days of relentless typing and countless cups of coffee late into the night had brought its creation, and it waited to be shown to the world. Well, maybe not the world yet, but at least a few trusted friends.
I swallowed my self-doubt and arranged a meeting with Emily, Nadine, and her boyfriend, Tyran. The library seemed the most appropriate setting. With my laptop securely in my backpack, I approached the table they sat at. Nervous energy shook my hands, and anticipation crackled around me as I sat down. I carefully opened my laptop, its cold metal sliding against my clammy hands.
I took a deep breath before clicking on my draft, and the screen cast a gentle glow on my face. I caught brief moments of their conversation, mentally preparing for how I would tell them about my project.
“…that’s when water came squirting out of my nose,” Nadine grinned.
“–she wasn’t even the slightest bit embarrassed despite the shocked people staring at her–” Tyran boasted.
Emily couldn't contain her disbelief, blurting out phrases like "I can't believe it" and "you're kidding" from time to time.
When their conversation lulled, I sheepishly began, “So, guys, I’ve been working on something…”
Emily leaned her elbows on the table, eyeing my computer. “Is that why you wanted to meet up?”
“Well…yeah… I’ve created a program,” I proceeded with a shaky voice. I cleared my throat, straightening my back as I dove into explaining, words muddling out.
Their eyes remained on me. Emily’s brows furrowed in concentration as she listened, trying to keep up. Nadine leaned back in her chair with lips pierced, as if holding back a surge of thoughts. And Tyran, his gaze pensive, seemed ready to challenge and prod for clarity.
I guided them through, detail by detail, watching their reactions. When I finally fell silent, they were hesitant to respond. I was on a precipice of vulnerability, and with each passing second, I tore apart my project, believing they hated it.
Nadine broke the silence, her voice enthusiastic. “This is incredible! You’ve created something unique!”
Emily nodded, her eyes wide. “And the potential impact? It’s revolutionary.”
Tyran leaned back, folding his arms as he took it all in. “I can see the potential, but let’s dive deeper into the mechanics. How do you plan to make this work in the coding?”
Nadine looked at her boyfriend, warning him not to be too harsh. “I’m sure you can help her figure it out, right, Tyran?”
He nodded, their unspoken conversation ending as he got his computer out. Their reaction validated and challenged my idea. We spent hours tweaking and designing. The whispering of distant studying faded into the background as we dissected. The pulse of collaboration infused new life into my draft. By the time we wrapped up, I was buzzing with energy, ready to dive back into my project, armed with their feedback.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Oooo, I like the turn this just took! That's a great idea presented by Abigail! Ah, I could read this book all day, these chapters are so engrossing and beautifully written!
Hi names 22Midnight
hope your doing well, let's get into it!
First Impression: the chapter seems to really be getting into the characters needs now and focusing more on Abigail it was good to see that she finally found something that she is interested in and might be able to make that a long term solution.
XD I can sense Abigial's inpatient's growing in this scene while they just take about something completely random and off topic.
I love how the tension just grows here she must feel so intimidated by it all hopefully they do like it, but what does she mean she tore up her project she still should keep it not delete it or something.
Yay see the like it I can see that Tyran is the brains here in this group which is good, now what she going to do she just tore up the project?
Lol Nadine must be good at sending signals hopefully he picks up on them and knows what to say next.
That's so cool now she has something she is excited about and they are excited with her.
Overall: overall sadly if i'm honest it's lacking something to draw the the readers in and keep them interested. For example i found this chapter quite heavy with description and sometimes it is better to describe something but keep it to a fairly moderate amount due to the reader needing some imagination to put the scene into there own head. I found it difficult in this chapter to picture everything because I was being over loaded with descriptions that I couldn't fully keep up with, this is just a suggestion feel free to ignore it.
anyway that's it from me
hope you have a great dawn/dusk/midnight
See Ya
Hey there, here for a short review this time on the chapter!
I really enjoyed reading your latest piece, just as I have enjoyed your previous works. It was great to see your protagonist finally getting inspired for her project, and I appreciated how the three characters each responded differently to the idea, as it felt true to their personalities. Emily, in particular, was a very likable character who I'm growing to love more and more with each chapter.
I also found the dialogue to be direct and well-structured, fitting perfectly with each character. The narrative style was smooth and featured good descriptions.
The only thing I would suggest is that, at this point in the story, it is moving a bit slowly. I prefer shorter chapters, but I think you could consider adding more content to each chapter you publish or combining some of the parts of a chapter so that readers will be more eager to continue reading.
Yeah, that is it, will continue reading more chapters. Keep Writing👍