Young Writers Society

Hey there ariah, Omni here for a quick review

My father never wanted me around boys unless it was Jake, my one and only boyfriend,

is this a current boyfriend? Interesting!

I extended my arm and reached out to grab the last book as his hand attempted to do the same. Our hands briefly connected, and a brief shock went through me. For a moment, our eyes locked as a faint smile played on his lips.

As he handed me the last book, I looked closely at him, momentarily speechless. With a strong jawline and expressed cheekbones, he ran his hand through his messy dark hair. His intense eyes hinted at trouble, and his tanned skin starkly contrasted with the tattoos he had. A black sweatshirt with rolled-up sleeves revealed the veins that pulsed down his arms, showcasing his lean strength. There was an arrogance about him that irritated me. He stood as I positioned the stack in my arms.

Omg a meetcute! And what a classic one >.> are we going to have a fight over abigail between jake and zeke?

“I am majoring in Business Management…”

He was patient while I hesitated—his gaze casual and anticipative. His shoulders lounged against the worn railing.

“…But my real passion is art. I want to… explore that and… break free from… my last name.”

Wow, she's really just giving her life story to this zeke already, huh XD

I have the same comment with her interaction with her dad in the last chapter part -- this especially feels rushed in my opinion. It would feel much more impactful if this happened /after/ they knew each other for a bit -- like if we had a few scenes of them interacting with each other more (even if those scenes were right after each other. Really just having it set up that abigail is noticing zeke more and more -- maybe they interact in the hallway once or twice, just simple interactions but somehow abigail is noticing zeke more and more. and maybe, just maybe, they somehow have class together or in the library together and recreate this meetcute so we can have this scene. It could still happen in this chapter but it would be support readers' suspension of disbelief a bit more, if that makes sense.

I really like what's going on so far. I think this chapter part would be even stronger if we push out this conversation a bit more -- make it happen after their first encounter with each other as I said above. But, looking forward to reading more!!

Hope this helped Omni

Hi, ariah!!

I am totally late to this but- wait- Is this a remake of Reflecting Hearts?!! Woahh, I remember reading the first draft that you posted on here last year!! <3 I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm happy to see you continuing this story again! Gonna jump into the review!

Firstly, wow, there are so many changes- I don't remember exactly, but I feel like this scene wasn't in the first draft (or if it was, it was very different). Anyways though, I love this new interaction between Zeke and Abigail. The interaction feels very natural, and the characterization is stronger than before, too!

I really like the description of Zeke here:

His intense eyes hinted at trouble, and his tanned skin starkly contrasted with the tattoos he had. A black sweatshirt with rolled-up sleeves revealed the veins that pulsed down his arms, showcasing his lean strength.

Especially the "hinted at trouble" and the "revealed the veins that pulsed down his arms." Cool and creative imagery!

Zeke seems less sus than before. Honestly, both he and Abbie feel more relatable now, and -- unless the prologue still foreshadows an unhappy ending -- I... can honestly see myself rooting for their ship. o_O We shall see where the story goes, though.

Btw, I noticed that you added more descriptions and stopped relying on the pictures. While the pictures were fun, I do think this is definitely a change for the better, and the writing flows more smoothly as well. Plus, the chapters are broken down into shorter lengths. You clearly took readers' feedback into consideration.

All in all, this is a clear improvement from the first draft. I really like it!! Once I have more time to be active on YWS, I'll definitely make sure to read more!

Hi names 22Midnight
hope your doing well, let's get into it!

Once back in my dorm building, I held my textbooks as I navigated the hallways and stairs. My father never wanted me around boys unless it was Jake, my one and only boyfriend, and this co-ed dormitory was one of the few victories I had won against his overbearing demands.

sounds like Abigail has a hard time with her dad shame, at least she is aloud a boyfriend he could be more strict i guess but still ouch

Lost in my own thoughts, I reached the stairs leading to my floor. Suddenly, my attention snapped to the thin, dark-haired boy who came rushing towards me from the opposite direction. Our collision was inevitable, and our bodies crashed before I could react, books flying out of my hands.

talking about not being aloud to meet any other boy's other then Jake i think that's another boy, ya and they collided with each other to mean close contact yuck she should wash in case of cuties who noes what sort of thing his been around.

“Oops, my bad!” He reached out and grabbed a few books.

“Oh, no problem. I should have been more careful.”

she sounds so kind to him even though he was the one who should've been watching where he was going!

I extended my arm and reached out to grab the last book as his hand attempted to do the same. Our hands briefly connected, and a brief shock went through me. For a moment, our eyes locked as a faint smile played on his lips.

I sense romantic danger here hopefully his nice because she is

As he handed me the last book, I looked closely at him, momentarily speechless. With a strong jawline and expressed cheekbones, he ran his hand through his messy dark hair. His intense eyes hinted at trouble, and his tanned skin starkly contrasted with the tattoos he had. A black sweatshirt with rolled-up sleeves revealed the veins that pulsed down his arms, showcasing his lean strength. There was an arrogance about him that irritated me. He stood as I positioned the stack in my arms.

now i love a good description of a strong guy he sounds like he works out often, ouch he must be allergic to pain to get tattoos i've heard they really hurt, lol she can sense his biggest issue already it must be real visible

“I’m Zeke, by the way.”

He put his hands into the pockets of his gray jeans, and I noticed he wore boots like mine, with one shoe coming untied.

“Abigail.” I contemplated mentioning my last name, but then again, most of the time, my reputation preceded me.

“Abigail Winslow?”

A gleam in his eyes hinted at a revelation.

I nodded, not surprised. “Yep, that’s me.”

why do i feel like this is me when talking to people it's so relatable the hole last name thing, yet the other person didn't mention there's so why'd i mention mine

His smile spread across his face like the Cheshire Cat’s as I tucked my hair behind my ears.

“Well, I’ll be more careful not to collide with such an esteemed individual next time.”

He shrugged dismissively. His playful tone was unusual. Usually, people treated me differently, and I hated it. Most tried to impress or fawn over me, hoping for my family’s good graces or money. Yet, he did not appear to care as he crossed his arms and leaned back on the stairwell railing.

now i'm not sure if your a bad or nice person but i'm picking up playboy vibes buddy and that's when i'd walk away to hope to never see you again, i have very strong opinions these day's

“So, you’re one of the infamous Winslow’s, huh? The last baby to carry on the name?”

I skeptically eyed him, unsure of his intentions. Most people were obvious and predictable, but his mysteriousness was interesting and somehow alarming.

Run his trying to find out your darkest secrets, also you have a boyfriend and this guy's just a bad distraction

going to skip forward to the last paragraph, the rest of this was amusing for certain

A deep, mischievous smile spread across his face again, revealing a dimple. He hastily continued down the steps before I could tell him I disliked being called that. Flustered, I continued up to my room.

yes the silly nicknames that tell you there going to want in on more dark secrets, why are you flustered his just a bug that needs to be flicked away.

i like Zeke's personality he sounds like trouble.

anyway that's it from me

hope you have a great dawn/dusk/midnight

See Ya