The
Halloween costume party was approaching, and I could hardly contain my
excitement. It had been a full two months with Ezekiel. We spent every
available moment together, and despite his lack of enthusiasm, I felt giddy.
Who would have thought a guy like him would go? But he apparently couldn’t
resist my puppy-dog eyes as much as I couldn’t resist his dimple-clad
mouth.
I
was dead set on making us the best-dressed pair at the party, and he went along
with it. We were going as animals—he was a cunning fox, and I, a graceful deer.
On the night of the party, he came to my dorm. I carefully applied makeup to
transform my face into a doe.
As
I put antlers on my head, he leaned down, his face beside mine. “Goddamn. How
can you look both sexy and adorable at the same time?”
“See,
this won’t be so bad after all, right?”
“If
I get to stare at you all night, nope.”
He
headed to the bathroom to put on his costume, and when I saw him as a fox, I
reacted with awe and attraction. He cleaned up nicely when he wanted to, and
that dapper fox look suited him more than he realized.
As
the deer, I was the true showstopper, with no trace of self-doubt. I had grown
into myself, and it helped that Zeke couldn’t take his eyes off me.
As
we entered the party, curiosity, judgment, and admiration followed the eyes
peering at us. Our unconventional pairing wasn’t unnoticed. We attracted the
fascination of some individuals who perceived a connection beyond any
disparities, similar to a modern Romeo and Juliet.
Yet,
not everyone in the well-heeled crowd shared that intrigue. A subtle
undercurrent of judgment pulsated through the air, palpable in the sidelong
glances and hushed whispers trailed in our wake. My affluent peers, cloaked in
designer attire and entitlement, gasped at the sight of us together.
The
intense scrutiny made me feel like a bug under a microscope. I was used to
attention, but usually from admirers or people treating me like awe-struck fans
over their favorite celebrity. This was different. I tried to center myself as
I pulled Zeke through the fraternity house, looking for Nadine or Emily.
The
scenery was a mesmerizing and eerie spectacle that blurred the lines between
reality and fantasy. The dimly lit mansion exuded a haunting charm, casting
long, shadowy darkness across the walls. Cobwebs hung on the corners like
sinister lace, and flickering candlelight added to the foreboding. The air was
thick with fog, and guests dressed in a bizarre array of costumes that seemed
plucked from the darkest, corniest, or sluttiest recesses of their
imaginations.
Twisted
games lined the walls, their grotesque yet delectable food prizes daring those
brave enough to try their hand at winning. A contortionist twisted and writhed
in an unsettling display of flexibility while a masked DJ played pounding
dubstep.
Gargoyles
perched on the large central staircase, their stone eyes watching our every
move, and hidden speakers emitted ghoulish sounds through the hallways. In this
mad world, the strange and beautiful coexisted in an alluring blend. If only I
had my sketchbook, I would have captured what I witnessed. It was a terrifying
display of dark hues, silhouettes, and lurking figures.
As
Zeke and I entered the kitchen, looking for a drink, a mermaid-clad girl’s
snide laughter as she exchanged remarks with her witchy friend caught my
attention. Their words hung in the air like a foul stench. “What is he doing
here with her?” The question came out of her mouth with a sneer, making her
condescension unmistakable.
A
fierce desire to confront them as judgmental bitches tore through me. Who were
they to judge my relationship?
“I
know, right? He doesn’t belong here.” They cackled, clearly inebriated. Their
words coursed through me like venom, from the bottoms of my feet to my fists,
which had balled up in anger.
Zeke,
sensing my rage, pulled me closer, his warm breath teasing my ear as he spoke
in a hushed tone. “Fuck them. We’re together, and that’s all that matters.”
His
attempts to calm me down didn’t work. I grabbed a red solo cup full of
something and chugged it.
“Whoa,
alchy! Don’t you think you should slow down?” Despite his attempts at
playfulness, I could sense the underlying concern in his voice.
I
didn’t answer, glaring at the girls. The mermaid snickered as our eyes met. She
leaned into her friend, speaking louder so she knew I heard her. “Yeah, you
know, rats love sewers and all!”
“What
does that even mean?” I walked toward them, and Zeke grabbed my arm, pulling me
back.
“Come
on… they’re not worth it. Just petty snakes.”
“You
would know a snake when you saw one, wouldn’t you, Zeke?” The mermaid snickered,
and Zeke swallowed.
“Why
does she keep talking like the crypt keeper?” I looked at him before refilling
my cup with the closest bottle. Quickly, I had the cup in my hand, half down.
The alcohol swam through my body, emboldening me. I snapped my head back at the
scale-tailed girl with a florescent pink bra on. “You sure look like a snake.
Now go on, slither away.” I shooed her with my hands. Disgust wiped her smile
off her face.
A
part of me recognized the girl underneath the neon blue wig. She wasn’t a
member of the country club or any sorority, but I had seen her somewhere, yet
no matter how hard I strained, I couldn’t pinpoint where. She sauntered by, her
friend following, with a flirty smile at Zeke.
Despite
the snide comments from frat boys, Zeke and I continued from the kitchen to the
library.
It
was less decorated, but the music didn’t pulsate as rapidly, and my pounding
head appreciated the quiet.
We
sat and watched a few couples dressed as the gang from Scooby Doo play pool. I
pointed to a group playing beer pong. Zeke shook his head.
“What?”
I pouted in disappointment, and his laughter echoed through the quieter room.
“Fine! Sit back and watch while I kill this!”
His
chuckle followed me as I made my way to the table. He was behind me, walking
hesitantly. I noticed he didn’t drink, and I wondered why. He leaned against
the wall as I attempted to throw a ball into a cup and missed miserably.
I
laughed as I missed the cups across the table, slowly getting more drunk with
each fail. The game finished, and my team lost.
“W-why
won’t you play?” I hiccupped, giving him my best doe eyes.
“I’d
rather watch your sexy ass do it.” He playfully flicked my nose, and a giggle
escaped my lips.
A
slow song started playing, and I grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the
music. We swayed together, and the rest of the party disappeared, becoming
engrossed by the sight of him—how he looked at me like I was the entire
universe. I noticed a twisted expression now and then, like he was battling
something. I knew he had a rough life and wasn’t from Elysian Shores. There
were rumors on campus that he lived in Desoloria and I understood the
challenges faced by its residents, but he seldom opened up about his
background.
Despite
knowing little about him, I was free to be myself and felt safe in his
presence. He expected nothing from me and didn’t want me to be anyone other
than me. Although he called me a princess, he never treated me like one. He
wasn’t afraid to ruffle me up. He didn’t become what he thought I wanted him to
be, seem to have hidden motives, or try to impress me.
Our
bodies moved in sync until he stepped on my foot.
“Oops,
shit…I shouldn’t be on the dance floor.” He spoke in a low and indistinct
manner, barely audible. Was he nervous?
I
ignored the crowd staring. Not reacting was hard, but I did my best. These
people were not my friends. If they were, they would be happy for me. What
happened to not judging a book by its cover? They had inheritances and luxury
but didn’t have the true class to treat people decently.
Zeke
pulled me closer as the song ended, his lips hovering inches from mine. Our
lips met, and the crowd faded away.
Hey friend, Ellie back with another review, once again! Hope you are not getting tired of me yet, haha. Either way, Let's jump right in to the review!
As I put antlers on my head, he leaned down, his face beside mine. “Goddamn. How can you look both sexy and adorable at the same time?”
“See, this won’t be so bad after all, right?”
“If I get to stare at you all night, nope.”
I like this introductory dialogue. It is a great way to get us started and really sets the playful, romantic, love mood for this chapter.
As we entered the party, curiosity, judgment, and admiration followed the eyes peering at us. Our unconventional pairing wasn’t unnoticed. We attracted the fascination of some individuals who perceived a connection beyond any disparities, similar to a modern Romeo and Juliet.
Awesome job with this section here. I like how you listed so many emotions in the first line, curiosity, judgment, admiration- I like how you write this. It flows well and keep me engaged to go through so much at once. It is very accurate to entering a party in real life, especially busy parties where so much is going on and you get flooded with sounds and sights.
My final comment is about this part here:
“Why does she keep talking like the crypt keeper?” I looked at him before refilling my cup with the closest bottle. Quickly, I had the cup in my hand, half down. The alcohol swam through my body, emboldening me. I snapped my head back at the scale-tailed girl with a florescent pink bra on. “You sure look like a snake. Now go on, slither away.” I shooed her with my hands. Disgust wiped her smile off her face.
You did a lovely job at assigning these human like attributes and actions to emotions and other things your story. Describing the alcohol as swimming through the body was very interesting and actually makes a lot of sense in my head. Great work here! I hope to see a lot of this in the following chapters too.
It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...
What The Black Eyes See...
And we're back to Abigail's perspective, a month later! As she and Zeke catch us up on where they've been, things seem all too pleasant, and sure enough, that party brings equal parts excitement and anxiety. You spy many ways for some positive and romantic moments, as well as so many ways this can go wrong...Let's get into the details though.
Where The Dagger Points...
Once again, you gave me nothing to complain about! I loved the Halloween theme of this one, and seeing the new developments between Abigail and Zeke, whether they pointed to positive or negative side-effects. There was just one thing I thought I would put here:
Cobwebs hung on the corners like sinister lace, and flickering candlelight added to the foreboding.
It felt like this sentence was a bit cut-off. Perhaps, "the candlelight added to the foreboding atmosphere" or "the foreboding feeling"?
Of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt.
Why The Grin Widened...
Wow, I was surprised by the timeskip! Not complaining of course, especially since it fits in with the perspective swap, but it says a lot about the ongoing relationship between Abigail and Zeke. That despite their immense differences, things are going incredibly smooth! And when hearing that both would be attending a Halloween party (as a Halloween lover myself lol), I was excited to see where this would lead.
As the deer, I was the true showstopper, with no trace of self-doubt. I had grown into myself, and it helped that Zeke couldn’t take his eyes off me.
It really seems that Abigail has developed more confidence, thanks to this relationship, and I love to see it! Already, there are positive effects beyond just the passion and happiness that she clearly didn't have with Jake! Although, at the actual party, it's quick and easy to see at least one downside...
The intense scrutiny made me feel like a bug under a microscope. I was used to attention, but usually from admirers or people treating me like awe-struck fans over their favorite celebrity. This was different.
Seems that as rebellious as her spirit is, she's still not used to this sort of negative attention, and being with Zeke certainly increased that risk a lot. Ooo, I wonder if that will become a problem going forward...
I also loved the way you described the party scene. How it sounds high-end and elaborate, while still having that trademark corniness of a high school or college Halloween party. Definitely nailed that vibe!
“What is he doing here with her?” The question came out of her mouth with a sneer, making her condescension unmistakable.
A fierce desire to confront them as judgmental bitches tore through me. Who were they to judge my relationship?
Ooo, I loved reading this. It really amped up the judgmental feeling and confirmed that this negative reaction really is aimed at Zeke, and that snarky remark from Abigail, calling them bitches, really showed how annoyed it made her. When she started chugging the alcohol and confronted them, ooo, I could feel the tension! I feel like it also speaks to that confidence Abigail has gained, and may even be pointing toward her taking on some of Zeke's behaviors. Like how Jake encouraged her to be the "good girl," maybe he's encouraging her to be the "bad girl." Who's to say?
She wasn’t a member of the country club or any sorority, but I had seen her somewhere, yet no matter how hard I strained, I couldn’t pinpoint where.
Oh snap, this clue has me on edge. If there's any more trouble, and the reason Abigail recognizes her is that she's a person with some degree of power, that could go bad...
I noticed a twisted expression now and then, like he was battling something. I knew he had a rough life and wasn’t from Elysian Shores. There were rumors on campus that he lived in Desoloria and I understood the challenges faced by its residents, but he seldom opened up about his background.
I loved this as a way to hint toward Zeke's continued inner-conflict, and to show that he has yet to open up to Abigail about where he comes from. Even so, Abigail is catching on to where he really comes from and is growing more curious.
And reaching that ending, between Zeke being nervous (and the only sober one there, Abigail being drunk and frustrated, and the crowd becoming more and more judgmental (and presumably more drunk as well), I feel like there's going to be some trouble before this night is over... (00 )
Our Mad Thoughts...
Overall, that was an awesome chapter with some intense staging, nicely done!
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