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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This is a beautiful poem. There's no doubt about that. Normally I'm not a big fan of having a poem be all one big stanza, but you've made it flow in such a way that is neither clunky nor overwhelming, while also avoiding the trap of losing the all-important pauses.
That being said, I feel you also include a fair number of poetic cliches. Phrases such as "turning 180 degrees", "starry nights", "rosy cheeks", and "crooked teeth" are quite commonplace, and while that may be your intention, I feel that a poem about describing the unique experiences and sensations requires unique phrases, ideas, and images. Don't just twist old phrases, but come up with ones based on your own life experiences.
Points of Interest:
"my taut, bleeding heart" is a beautiful phrase, and it's going to take all my power not to steal it for myself.
"that is amazing" seems like a rather limp ending to a poem. You've used plenty of imagery throughout the poem, and I feel like you could end it all with one really important image to make this poem stand out.
thanks for the review!
Hey there !! Ejay here for a quick review.
.
To begin with, I really liked your title. In the first glance it might seem rather ordinary, but when I read it for the second time, I realised that I was drawn to it.
Moving to your poem.
I must say, I really liked it. It is a great and smoothly flowing free verse, and it resonates quite well. I particularly adored your last two lines. They were great.
Overall, on a scale of 10, I would have given you a 11 if possible
Keep it up.
Cheers!
Regards,
Ejay