his hair was funky lookin'
almost as if he used car oil to slick it back
her blouse had little daisies all over
almost as if she had picked them herself.
-
his shoes were as clean as the night sky when the moon has gone away
almost as if he licked the dirt off
her eyes showed not only the truth, but the pain hidden in between the layers of opaque brown
almost as if she had stole the moon.
-
his heart was a fragile minute, never wasted
almost as if it had never been broken
her soul was bound by rope, taut
almost as if it had never loved.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,825 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
This is amazing especially for the descriptive work. I love that there are many similes and the writing makes you actually picture everything you are seeing.
The vocabulary is especially important when writing which I think you have nailed to perfection.
I love the fact that it is written in both a female and male point of view which can be hard to do but I think you have been successful in this.
My only critic is you need to make the title more appropriate to your poem as it doesn't make you want to read the poem. So if you change the title you will have a very good poem.
Kdabbsie96
Hi, here with a review. I like the similes you've used, the vocabulary, it comes together and makes it all imaginative. I like the fact that you don't start a sentence with a capital letter, to make the poem flow more. The way it switches from boy to girl getting ready is very like a drama. (Not the best way to describe it). The title could be a bit more attractive or capturing, but overall I find this piece romantic and cute.
~Rosy234
Hi Anngelalu.. I really loved the poem.. It just truly speaks out the character of two people that the readers have no idea of.. and the words as well as the formation of sentences is absolutrly brilliant.. it really shows how human beings should be described.. in today's generation, this kind of purely Romantic poems are rare, which bring out the true essence of love.. this is what I like to call a COMPLETE poem.. oh! just one small tip.. the title of the poem could have been a bit more appealing.. Thank you..