Young Writers Society

Hello there and Happy Review day! I'm a poetry novice who's looking to improve her skill by reading and reviewing other people's writing.

I thought the imagery in this was really hard hitting, although I'm having trouble liking the poem to the title. I thought the flow was good and I liked the structure. As far as meaning is concerned, I felt that this poem reminded me of someone who is lost or trapped and unable to escape from the world they've given up on. There aren't any bits I particularly dislike or have a problem with, so I'll probably end the review here. Sorry it's so short, I couldn't think of much to say.
Keep writing!
Ebony

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek here for another review on some amazing literature! I'm here to make the Werewolves pay for their advantage, and to make your writing better as a whole. Without any further adue, let's get into this review!

The first thing I noticed about this poem was that it was copied in the form of an image. The reason for this is most likely to preserve the formatting applied to your original poem without messing it up here and subtracting from the true message of the poem. Still, I think it gave your poem a much-needed rigid feeling that made the meaning come out to me more than it had by simply reading the title. Speaking of the meaning, let's start talking about what that is exactly and why you may have included it in the way that you did. It's very hard to find the meaning of this poem. It's like trying to find a certain plastic bottle among a sea of endless waste and lost items. It's like picking out one certain poem of a ten thousand paged book with no table on contents, only poems in the order they were written; possible, but unlikely to succeed. All I can say with confidence is that the minerals definitely have to do with nature, and it is apparent to me that the answer to this riddle has to do with something engulfing you, like nature reclaiming you.

That's all for now! Keep writing, and have a great Review Day! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!

Hey there!

So, diving right in, let's talk about the power of opening lines. They can set up twists for conclusions; they can prepare the reader for heartbreak; they can activate metaphors in strings throughout a piece; or, in this case, they can deactivate an entire piece's metaphors, turning their meanings against themselves.

See, without this first line, you would've had:

1. my life is a spectrum of the mundane world that
2. is breaking me small piece by small piece
3. the same old thing reminds me of my disasters and
4. how ugly I've become and
5. how I've scarred myself, and
6. how I still wear unending hope and love around my neck. ([rose] quartz)

BUT! Your first line cancels all of these out. Because you don't believe in anything anything anymore, you don't believe in these metaphors anymore. Do you see it? Even in a burial scenario, which can be interpreted as literal burial or isolation from the world, these metaphors make a lovely poem, but the first line is critical in making them work. And it's what keeps it from being marketable, in my opinion.

All the best,
Ty

-clears throat- Yeah. I might have ended up at your wall cuz I was reading your reviews because I was going to review your poem. >>;

HI ALL! You might remember me from reviewing "c l a y".

I have to say I like this one better, although I don't understand how the title really relates to the poem. This poem has a few things that I feel are almost unrelated within itself too, so perhaps it's a personal connotation that you're looking at when you relate some of this. Because of that, I'm going to give you a rough translation, or paraphrase, of your poem so you can see how I read it.

I don't believe in religion
my life is meaningless,
yelling at the noise I can't deafen.

The monotony of the noise reminds me
how my dirty hair
has moved since I woke up
how dirty my fingernails are
I can't pick them clean, it's chafing my skin

and the pendant around my neck