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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi anngelalu!
I really like the simplicity of the poem and its shape , which reinforces the feeling of the speaker by keeping the speaker's feelings to the left hand side.
I feel the repetition of the poem keeps the pace slow which magnifies the small details ' colours,''step', and 'beat' and 'rhythm.
However I feel you could provide examples - what is the colour in that the other person provides for the speaker?
what step causes the colours to fade?
It might be an idea to also write another stanza to explain how you feed the other person's worth as I am curious as the reader.
Heyyoo, anngelalu.
I just want to start of by saying that I really love the short, simple, and to the point poems like this. It works if you can make it. My only advice is I would be never forget the details. Details are key to keeping you reader "in the loop" or they will just end up confused.
Either way it's really beautiful and a great start. In my opinion it just needs some details.
Keep on writing, sweetheart. Look forward to reading more soon.
Sup, anngelalu! It's your girl, Caitlin; comin' at you!
I really enjoyed reading your poem, though I'm a little confused. In the first line, it seemed like two people that rely on each other. "I feed your worth, and you feed my soul", I took that as the other person mentioned here might think that he or she isn't good enough and that you make them feel that they are important and good enough.
Now, like I said above, I was a little confused. I understood the first line, but the rest didn't make sense, and I just didn't see what you were getting at.
But overall, this was a great read (I'm in school right now, so it was also a GREAT escape from reality).
Well, that is a wrap, peace out fellow writers!
Keep writing!
WOW.
I really like this. I feel the short simplicity of it helps to push the message through.
Your use of language and literary techniques are good. I love the repetition of 'colours' it adds something to this poem.
I would say, the story line isn't very clear. Most poems tell a story through verse but I couldn't seem to find one here.Who is writing it? Why? These are just the questions of a curious person so don't take it literally. You don't have to say, 'I'm so and so and I'm writing this poem because.' or whatever. This is just my opinion.
Anyway, despite the lack of details (Which is a personal preference) I really enjoyed this poem and look forward to reading more from you.