mom, make it bettr

I don't understand how you are so good, like??? This poem is a dull ache in my stomach and resonates so completely. It's gorgeous. Thank you.

Hey all!

I love the style you used with this poem. From what I can tell its a screenshot of just a raw Word Document or Pages? Even if I'm incorrect, it's nevertheless perfect for what you've done here. The intentional misspellings, including the title, along with the red squiggles from word, compliment each other amazingly well. It really gives the tone of a heart to heart talk with your mom about your day. The descriptions in this are incredible. I love the way to poem seemingly continues to build and build and build. To me it all climaxed at this line:

"and it's because the shkay hands that carved every crevice in my organ of thought, keeps tearing more and more gaps that only the sand of dark storms can fill."

The complexity and length of this line, not to mention that's only the second half of it, make it outstanding. It blew me away when I read it. Despite being so masterfully written and full of detail, its so easy to read and understand. It really hits home at the despair and pure sorrow of this simply terrible day.

As a whole I loved this work of yours! I cannot wait to see more pieces of yours, so keep it up!

-Tom

Wow! Very interesting, the way you misspelled stuff on purpose. I've never seen that before. I do think the first stanza is too long, I would probably separate at 'mom, let me explain', as you finished the memory of the milk. I think it'd be cool if you could somehow mix spilt milk in, as your mother sops it up or something. Altogether, interesting, not bad, but it gives me something to chew on

Hey Skywind here dropping in for a review.

I don't really read poems so maybe could keep that in mind for how certain audiences perceives your work.

The intentional typos in the poem are interesting to say the least. But, I think the typos and how the title is "mom, make it bettr" gives me the sense that the person saying mom is someone of younger age. In which case, I wouldn't expect them to use words like, unfathomable, monarchs, crevice, organ of thought, etc. It just felt a bit off to me.

I read this multiple times and it just feels like a kid unsure of how to describe how he/she feels and does a roundabout way of describing it. Especially when the second part starts with momm mispelled. Like I imagine it as a child saying mom in a dragged out kind of tone.

I'm probably reading into it wrong, but those are my thoughts.

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So I don't often see spelling errors used intentionally in a poem for a stronger emotional impact. Or at least, I don't often see it used well. The intentional spelling errors make sense this time around due to the speaker having more shaky hands and having anxiety built up inside them. This lets this emotion manifest in a different form than just words. This lets the anxiety show in the overall aesthetic of the poem too where some words are spelled incorrectly and it's a unique perspective or way to take on poetry. I enjoy it a lot when people are experimental and come out successful, or more specifically, effective.

I do have to say that it might be beneficial though if you broke that first stanza that tends to drag on for awhile into two separate stanzas since the 'let me explain to you' in the thirteenth line breaks off from the previous imagery and sprouts something new. While we're on the topic of imagery, the parts about the thousand starving monarchs in arctic winter is quite strong here.

I also have to say though that a couple words here feel unnecessary such as the 'mom' in the second line of the second stanza, which doesn't particularly do anything to enhance the poem. I also believe that the wording in places could be more ideal. For example, in the second line going into the third line, it'd be simpler and less wordy to put 'my head is filled with thoughts long expired' or something akin to that.

If you were to go that route, I suggest putting 'twelve years ago today, in fact' afterwards, though that's a personal preference. While this poem is connected by the general feelings of anxiety and the majority shares the same tone, the imagery isn't as cohesive. This can be for better or for worse depending on what you make of it, though I do wish it were more flowing in the imagery and less bringing up new metaphors and similes to expand on, though overall this poem works for what it is pretty well.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

This review courtesy of