and we can see the wind and feel it's grace.
us, the youth and us, the powerful
we have the world in our ever so small hands
a twist and a turn
and we will rejuvenate and be in pursuit of what makes this
world on fire.
Hey, Tiana here for a review. AGAIN. Haha. Okay, I love the format. I've never seen it look like that before, I must admit it looks good! Is there symbolism behind the sudden format change? I'd like to comment on the correlation between all 3 poems, or lack thereof. I can't seem to find a real link between the poems, like forget, forgive, and rejuvenate? It would have been much better if the titles told a story themselves... Individually, these poems are awesome, well, #1 and #3 anyways. What do you mean by "the youth and us"? Do you and 'us' classify as youth or a division outside of youth? - Tiana
This is Nikayla here for a final review on your three poems.I was a little interested in why you chose to put the whole poem on the right this time instead of the left. It could just be that you recently figured out, or does it have more meaning to you than just that? I'm only really interested due to this aspect not being in the other two poems, but it doesn't seem to affect the poem or make it different all that much. As I said before, this one has the strongest title of the three, but nonetheless, let's jump right into it. It seems that you meant rejuvenate in the literal sense as there is youth in the poem. The first line starting with 'and' doesn't make for the strongest start and if you're going to use that opening, I suggest taking it out. It doesn't make the poem any different and it makes the poem feel like it's being continued, but it's not since that's the starting line of this poem. This one also happens to be the most general one, at least in my opinion, with its imagery and ideas. The flow in this poem is clunky and I think you're trying to do too much with it rather than having it just work. The flow is the weakness here, which goes with the wording in the poem. Instead of complicating something that doesn't need to be complicated, tell it as it is. I had trouble making sense of the poem due to it, especially with the second line here. Who is 'us' in this poem? Who is 'the youth?' we never really get to know who they are and what relations the speaker has to the rest of the people in the poem. Give us more detail and clarity in this part of the poem. You don't have to spell out everything for the reader, but some context would be nice. The reader, at this point, doesn't have a reason to care or a reason to feel. Using metaphor is something that would help with this. Define how the speaker feels. Let us seep into their shoes.I hope I helped and have a great day!
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