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138,161 Literary Works • 672,076 Reviews
Wow, for being your first post this is quite amazing! You could polish it up for sure but still, the flow was great and you know how to use punctuation so that's good! I do believe you could spice it up with some extra imagery since it's a bit dull and cliché but overall... Nice job!!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
I loved it. I repeat lines in my poem as well so I don't think it needs to be changed.
My favorites part of the poem are:
And
At first I didn't understand 'I'm saying goodbye,' but after I read the next line it made sense.
Keep writing,
Tasha
I have to disagree with Flower, above
Keep on working on technique, technique, technique!
The point of repetition in a poem is to create emphasis, and I believe you did just that. Of course, without the repetition it could be comprised of a single stanza, but that's not the point; the repetition creates feeling and incites a response in the reader that is a tad more physical than intangible. It leaves you with an impression with an idea or emotion, rather than explicitly stating reasons. Reasons don't matter; in poetry there need not be a cause and effect. You don't need a plot. In order to empathize with the author, you have to channel the overall tone.
That being said, I agree with what you said in that imagery is always useful in creating a heightened emotional effect; a poem without imagery, such as yours is never as strong as it could be. Bring in some color, some sounds, some taste. Bringing everything together creates a more complete idea.
Overall, you show great promise
--Samantha
Hey there, Flow here and I will be your reviewer for the evening.
The one thing I noticed about your poem is that you just repeat things. For all of the things that you said over and over again this poem could be one stanza. In poetry you need those words that just draw in your attention, the ones that throw things into perspective. In this you say solitary and goodbye and don't ask. We don't know why you are the new you, we don't know what happened at all. You need to tell the reader what happened to you to make you feel this way. Even if you aren't telling the people around you the reader needs to know or they won't empathise with you.
You really wan't to re-use words unless it's for a strong purpose. You used the word weep in two lines back to back and it weakened the effect. I think if you used some imagery here or just a metaphor it could make the poem great.
I do give you tons of credit for this being the first thing you've written, the first thing I wrote was garbage haha.
Well I hope I've helped, I apologize in advance for any miss spellings or grammar problems in my review. If you need anything feel free to pm me.
-Flow-
This is good! I don't normally read a lot of poetry, but your title drew me in.
I love how simple this is, yet powerful and filled with emotion. I also like how you did your line breaks.
Great job, and welcome to YWS!
I like peotry, but occasionally I find it confusing or unrelatable. Not yours. Your poem came across strong and beautiful. The last three lines "I'm me, I'm just, Solitary" really moved me. It's a beautiful peom that I would read again and again. Good job!