I pick a lighter,
Plain or not,
I pick a lighter,
I pick it up.
I've found an alternative,
To the razor blade,
Something that doesn't,
Break the promise,
I made.
Not really painful,
Not at all,
I flick it off,
Then back on.
Lowering it,
The lighter,
The glory of the flame,
Running across my skin,
As I once again,
Burn Myself.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,941 Literary Works • 673,772 Reviews
This poem, with a little work, could be a very confronting, powerful piece. The first stanza is, in my opinion, not benefited by the repetition of the line "I pick a lighter". If you could replace the third line with something else then it would flow more. Also, you refer to a promise but do not elaborate or hint at what it could be about. I would have liked a subtle line that might shed some light on the promise.
I really enjoyed this piece and I do believe it has great potential. Keep writing.
This piece has the potential to be really powerful. I liked it, but I think your rhyming scheme is a hindrance more than a help. The first stanza especially has a sins-song quality that doesn't fit the tone. I would try allowing yourself more freedom for word choice.