No one told me,
I stopped crying,
No one told me,
I started bleeding
And stopped,
Breathing.
No one said,
I was buried,
In my thoughts,
No one said,
My life was,
Abruptly over.
No one told me,
The things I should've known,
No one told me,
To climb out of the storm,
No one told me,
To stop loving.
The fate,
That no one told,
Now rests on my shoulders,
I am dead now
And very much alive.
No one told me,
I tried
And lied
And cried.
No one told me,
I died.
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140,941 Literary Works • 673,772 Reviews
Its quite simplistic, but this is not necessarily a bad thing.
It means it could be recieved by a more broad audience.
It also seems to move in motions much like classical operetta,
the scheme changed halfway through.
Only by reversing the positioning of the phrase no one.
All in all I like it. It is a bit sad (emotionally not physically)
Well, it was a rather very sad and emotional piece of beautiful poem. This poem really touched my heart. You could have made it better but well, anyways, it was simple and sweet yet sad and complicated and I like that.
Hey there:) I really liked this poem, how it's so dark yet so emotional.
- Maybe, "No one told me, so I stopped crying", or is it "No one told me, that I stopped crying"?It will just make the poem flow more nicely.
By the way, I like how there's no rhyme, because it emphasises the jagged-ness. Nice.
- no comma needed after this.
- no comma needed here either.
- I like this bit. And, no extra commas:D
Overall, I really liked this, but please get rid of all the extra commas, and maybe enter something after the "said"'s - it will make the poem flow better, as I mentioned earlier.
The commas get good after the 3rd verse, keep it that way.
That's about all the critisism I can give you, otherwise - great poem, and keep writing:D
polly xx