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138,198 Literary Works • 672,081 Reviews
I'm not sure if you intended it to rhyme or not. If you did intend for it to rhyme, you should go back and clean up your rhyming scheme. Also, you shouldn't use the same word for the end of two lines in the same stanza. That's kinda like cheating, if you meant to be rhyming. If you didn't, you should change the words that you do rhyme. The only spelling error I saw was in the first stanza, you spelled nothingness as nothingnes. Other than that, cudos on spelling. I like the poem a lot, and feel like you exibited the mood of it well. I felt that it kind of lacked a certain... something. The theme of flying like a bird, especially an eagle, is kind of an old theme. I just feel like you could use something a little original to spice it up. That's just me though, I might be missing something. It wouldn't be the first time I misjudged a poem. Good job though, great imagery.
Hey WriteWriter,
nothingnessFew corrections :
I think if you said 'come to fly' it would sound better, but thats just me.
You need help with your grammar, but you have a cool poem here. Really work on the grammar. You don't need that many commas! Good job!
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
You'll see as I see felt off to me. It didn't fit with the stanza.
I think you could do better on this line. One suggestion that came to mind is saying "on every tree", but just my opinion.
No comma needed after up.
I think a period after sky would fit better.
Kind of weirdly worded...
No comma after can.
Ok, so my overall review. Great job! I loved this poem and you did a good job describing the eagle and making me wish I could fly. Seriously, I've half a mind to grab an umbrella and jump off my roof.
I liked this poem, but I noticed a lot of structural stuff you might want to look at. I feel like there should be a rhyme scheme. It feels like there almost is sometimes, but it just never happens, and I think it would be good for this piece. You repeated a lot, but not enough for it to be purposeful... if that makes sense. You would start two lines with the same word, then another two with a diffrent one. It just seemed off. I liked the imagrey you used though, and the metaphor and similie. Over all it was a nice piece, but not fantastic in my book.
Good job!
Razzle