Shadows

Hey there, Writer!

My first—and biggest—issue with this poem is the one-dimensional showing you’ve given us. See, what I look for in a poem is a hint of evolution—some sign that there’s a deeper layer somewhere within the poem that will make me feel something new or understand something that the poet had mused. And while you’ve quite well made me understand that you—or the narrator, really—like(s) the shadows, you don’t really go deeper than that. There’s just darkness. And no rounding to the darkness.

Do you see where I’m coming from? If you take one sentence from this poem and put it with another, you don’t really lose anything from the context. So I want to see more careful thought placed into your lines, into your thoughts.

Seeeecondly, I’m not seeing well-developed images or scenes here—just one-liners of ideas that don’t get developed elsewhere in the poem. So yes, there’s quite a bit of work to be done, but that sort of style evolves with time, so I won’t push you too hard for this just yet. As far as describing something you’ve mused over, I suppose you’ve covered bases, but there’s no wow factor here—nothing that makes me really want to read more.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

-Lumi

Yea I agree! Like I tell everyone else, the main thing people look for in publishing now of days is Imagery and you show pleanty of that in your poem. It could be improved but everything can be improved. So do you usually just write poetry or also short stories or novels, I can tell by your writing that you could be very good at that.
Very intresting Poem.
Keep up the writing!

Hello! This is a really neat poem. My favourite line is "live with the candle's friend", although I'm not sure I understand it. At first I was confused. Wouldn't the candles friend be fire, or light? But then I decided you need something to cast the shadow, which foire is particularly good for. I find that thought to be really cool, although it's just my interpretation.