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Letter INdestructibULL

by Wriskypump


Things I never should have said came in,

Stretched their wings to land

if it wasn't appropriate when an age was younger when did it ever become Appropriate?

It's hard to understand where I was the dark,

. . . my Heart lied underneath rude & dogged horizons; whereas the seams, I learned, 

were timeless.

When the sky at the end of its rope, slipped. The green leaves all stood gray.

My skin adopted cardboard, but memories, of you, ticked on…

darling, my thoughts went over the hill with that sun,

how by its tingling rays it kept, the animation, of you alive

Treasure like yours does not exist, or so has been said

Of true love. All much too busy playing house, and breaking

Out the tea cups. You showed me how a house was hollow

manners the hypocrisy of Nations

And by the riverbed, that darting eyes, inflect the compass of the dishonest

Your secrets, vacant from your steady eyes, those jewels that trapped me

Just once; it lingers; a Barred tastE;

The river takes me back. And so I have your letter.

When I saw the precious ink, THE LOOPY PATTERNS

Snuggled right. Between my ribs to make their residence.

I surrender, babe. Hopeless I have been, but wordless

Song, now cuts back my speech: like a yawn—- You Poor Orphan

and we poor ragamuffins.

The reason

you may not see the battleground all around you is because Words, and

Beliefs, and reAssembly of the heart, does not seem like the Warrior’s

Common warehouse of WeapOnS

I know how you told me you were born in a stable

Looking forward, knowing even then, your struggles, would stab-a-abiilize, my feet.

But, Love, I feel so dizzy, knowing not explicitly your whereabouts these years

Or have they been decades?


*   *   *

Continue to Walk confidently, Truly i’m not far away

The more times you revisit my mission you will regain rest and breath. Wrap Your ramshacK-le figure in my arms, endorsed one

for Physical bravery is an animal instinct; but moral is much more real courage--

...And My Lion’s to apportion alone

Who is Always Flaring from my nostrils by the way, 

so that our singular torments are thereBY become mutUAL.

Those that choose to chase after Clout choose to not look out for truth, and so will remain blind to

IT until they DiSSever themselves from the Pride that comes with seeking their Dignity

Strike your match. just my Name, the probing of memories, pulls you inseparable,

From My Supernal orbs.

The Cosmos are Mine, Your Globe is its Halo, I'll ring

Your fingers, in others, Albeit your deathly-still eyes Abased the seas' Topaz

I'm triggering violins' bowstrings in your mind

The last thing you heard:

was me whisking off goodbye in a far

Away country. Most people regard getting their way as a matter of simple justice –

and with Vengeance you will find many followers - but I’ve founded you a SpOt,

exQuisite the Substance which I froze for time,

So you don’t have to EnvY, are reBUilt

You'd love it. The rafters will catch the hues,

The heat, of our encounter's, our Intimacies, such like an Apostrophy!

Today, Evil is done without effort,

naturally, it is the work of FATE;

Good is always the product of an art

Tomorrow, My messenger is Sending to withdraw the sulfur,

how in my Sight presently, I fidgeting-ly watch what your eyes bed down in

…Sparks like mine do not survive.

or so they’ve said


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37 Reviews


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Sun Jul 30, 2017 9:56 pm
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AriannaC wrote a review...



Happy Review Day! I have come to do a review of your poem! Mister Frand Frand, you are my favorite writer on here for a reason. This reason is your different writing style. Such as random capitalization in random places. This would usually make me cringe, but you use it so masterfully that instead of cringing, I smile a smile similar to Jesus's when we read your stuff. However, something that I feel like you don't notice is how some readers may be a little confused by a lack of clarity in your works. I read down below that this is about a child of God talking to Jesus about waiting for him to come back. I feel like this is more understandable in the second half on this poem. When I was reading the first half, I honestly thought that this was going to be about some heartbroken guy/girl mourning their relationship that had been broken off. Please don't judge XD. However, in the next half, I really like how it is Jesus talking back instead of the same person with new thoughts like it might be in other people's poetry. I kid you not, it hit me right in the heart. It even sounds like something that Jesus would say. Where you hearing God at the time you wrote this??? Have a beautiful day/night, friend! JESUS LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until The End
-Ari




Wriskypump says...


Yeah, I did my best to imagine Jesus' gentle thoughts there. There's a reason I've been trying to fix my style to be more... fairly local you might say. And I've succeeded! I just haven't got around to posting it yet. No reason to rush -- LIke people rush their reviews on review day :)



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Mon May 08, 2017 7:45 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

So it seems like you've added the sporadic capitalization and punctuation without any reason whatsoever. It's more as if your caps lock key got stuck and you decided to just go with it. As you can tell, I'm not a big fan, and I've already explained why. There isn't any reason or form put into the structure here. I'm not saying that poems have to have proper grammar all the time, because they don't. It's a stylistic choice that the author makes, but that doesn't mean I can't critique that choice. The content of the poem itself isn't actually all that bad in itself, but it's scattered.

We don't get a central theme for the poem to build around--and maybe your intention was to make more of a journey for the reader where they fill in the shoes of the speaker. And if that's your intention, I suggest building up a similar tone or atmosphere with your word choice. The purposeful misspelling doesn't do anything to benefit the poem, so I don't know why you're doing it other than to be random--and that can sum up my opinion on the whole poem.

Your skills in writing imagery are solid and there are some lines that I found to be quite powerful and appealing, but I don't believe that they've been used effectively in this piece. Some pretty lines are nothing when there's nothing for them to contribute to or nothing for them to help say. A more stable theme or narrative or central idea is what's needed here to improve. Experiment around with this and consider taking out the reckless grammar unless you have some sort of important reasoning for it, because it doesn't bode well, at least with me.

If you do have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.

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Wriskypump says...


Perhaps it's because I could not break the stanzas where they were supposed to go. Any tips on that?



Kaylaa says...


I don't believe it's that primarily making the poem with sporadic capitalization and punctuation, though I do suggest taking a picture in another document and uploading that in the Publishing Center to get the desired structure.



Wriskypump says...


the caps is for sound language, sight language, or symbolic language. It's not that important, but it's fun. Every now and then to highlight a pun (but those would be obvious, and there are none of those in here).



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Mon May 08, 2017 7:27 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...



Oh my! I'm really curious about your capitalization choices in this piece.
I thought maybe all the random capitalized words spelled a bigger message when put together and what I got was

"INULLANBEOSAPAFBYUALCDSSPDGOTQEYBUIAEATESS"

so.... I guess that's the hidden message of the piece?

I think that you have some really incredibly phrasing in a few places like the idea of "Vengeance you will find many followers" and this line: "But, Love, I feel so dizzy, knowing not explicitly your whereabouts these years".

My main issue was that I couldn't find a clear conflict, speaker, or plot in this piece. I could not in any way follow what was happening and some of the capitalization and spelling oddities were so odd that I couldn't figure out if they were typos or trying to impart some other meaning.

You have absolutely succeeded in creating an odd sort of panicked and random voice in this piece, I'm intrigued by the religious themes, but I also cannot follow. It reminded me almost of when people speak in prophecies or speak in tongues and then having to muddle out the meaning. I like that you're pushing the lines of poetry, which I'll always commend even if I don't find it particularly enjoyable to read.

In this piece I'd love to see more groundedness in reality or a more stable plot. But I do at the very least think what you've done is both interesting and unique so I'll commend you for that. I would love to hear what inspired this piece or more of your process behind it. Please let me know if you have any comments or questions about my review.

Best,
alliyah




Wriskypump says...


Only watch



Wriskypump says...


It is a child of God speaking to Jesus about having to wait so long on Him. Then immediately following my last question there, "or have they been decades?" Jesus gives His reply: I'm coming to get you so very soon



Wriskypump says...


For I merely left to prepare a place for you (as well of the others of course)



alliyah says...


Interesting background - I can definitely read the Revelations themes in here, thanks for sharing.




What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant?
— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice