A/N: Once you believe, then you will understand that as much as The Lord is long-suffering: The day comes for those who aren't listening. It is sad. And I write to reveal what is probably on the very doorstep for Humanity.
“Endurance Throne to the Heirs a grieving”
Everything is in a tough layer of limestone
Everything’s been embalmed and nothing’s coming to life anymore
The Rider of the Pale HOrse is descending
Out of 100 85 men’s eyes belie a rugged, restive composure
Their simple facades are parasitic invaders
The Lights in their eye are the DarkneSS of fool’s Gold: out!of!contro! Fear cracksdown;
reflecting only rage’s Disease - + Soil, rust, spittle, bloody glass, Youth’s beaming echo in-sate; SAiLIng uP on resplendent foyers
Sailiing Away...
This is not where you’ll find me
(but with edgar Allan poe) It will be found, in fact, that the Innovative
are always fanciful and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic (in Rue Morgue)
But this is the Valley my course has wound directly through
The unExposed walls between which no one was prepped to sWALLow
And the mask I wore I was grinding off against scorpions~~~~~~slowly, finally able to admit
there was no entertainment worth more than transient: smother was counteractive when acid rain RENt the oxygen;
cause if we DON’T embrace the grizzly, Core fabrics ~~ we’ll just end up in the uni-formery
We’ll drop our heads like Ancient Statues to subcultures’ endless-space-of seas
But Somehow we Triumphatically wave & embroider peace-knells as if everything will be alright at the end
of the day we stare down the barrel of our life & grasp the true extent
of our powerlessness
Peace so kindred`dictory, so foreign to this disgraced, cruel place
Why should we ambush it by pilling up on it’s refuge as if refuse will bring us anything? Yikes, It’s synthetic
Can’t seize inspiration irascible panGs need Standby; a Necessity to mold keys to reactivate pOrtals long-time scrapped:"
Do you think it strange we were fashioned to burn, to need, to crave????
Got to put something down to pick something up, but like I say
And for this I am sneered at
What if we was meant to pick up nothing, not even the people of all the Objects: smooth entry, cleaner exit
But you can re-read the plastic jigs I’ve drowned with millstones: I can kick my legs up now
I have studied at The Cathedral of The Functions of De`ja-vu - `like anticipations of experiment
So if you’re just gonna have the scientists reproof Preconceived verifications then let’s take a permanent vacation
You’re gonna have to put it together brick~by~brick
and it’s gonna battle out your bottom by rePlacing all you know, to revise the Litmus Test, not just rehearse answers between what you’ve been mollycoddled to feel, to expect
and unanswered prayer: cause no one’s reliable and every body the perpetrator
Until you’ve met Me; that left it all on the table Endeavoring like mad for you…
Endeavoring to aid your risk, if the prize was there, if the faith was worth the listening
And the selling of the creation of good memories, rending the Veil betwixt Sights and sounds,
Thinking’s and Knowing’S; what Are the hear-after remains ,
Cause don’t you ever feel the Ball Game is missing the way to score
The act of Point-Making?
There’s hard Knocks, and there’s injuries that ignite sCReaming, & function to derail those placid levitations
Heavens to Betsy, everyone’s Hand is poor & drives them through hairy sewage streams
but never too-far-gone you-Sea
Still remains of dullness, a little here, but it digs a gap of eviction for My PaPa to hear: & CoLLabora\Te Rebuildng
May I be kicked to the curb every now and again with cigar butts stunk into my face,
in ant icipa toww ry Reeee
tuuurn Like MoLaSsEs ! !
of The Palace’s Non-chrivaling saalutatttttion$ Esscccca+
‘Lations!!!
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Legacy here for a review.
I had a hard time reading this poem because of the random capitalization and characters. It is a stylistic choice, but just keep in mind that it will scare off some readers and confuse others.
I wish I could review for your content, but I couldn't read it because of the random capitalization and characters.
It might be a good idea (in my opinion) to create another copy of this poem except without the random capitalization and characters so that people like myself can understand what you are saying, but also keep this copy up so that people can read this one if they wish. (if you do decide to do this, please let me know as I want to be able to read the content without getting lost). Legacy.
Greetings Wriskypump from the After Watch shift. It's been awhile since I've seen any of your stuff in the green room and then this morning it just sort of flooded. Anyways it's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Alrighty. So there's a bit about this piece that actually draws me in but for the most part, it's scaring readers away. The seemingly random (but most definitely purposeful placement) of a variety of symbols and characters, just kills my mind sifting through them and sends me on a very negative and trippy adventure. The same goes for the crazy caps scattered across the piece, taking away much more than they could ever possibly give you. I spent far more time trying to figure out what you were even trying to do with these attempts at attention, than understanding the emotions streaming at me.
Sometimes you're gonna find that you have to sacrifice personal style and tastes to get some actual attention. The meaning of the poem, which I haven't even started to comprehend, is too hindered by the theatrics you like to throw around loosely. This is the same idea that applies to cursing and italics, they should be scattered for emphasis, not every single line and nagging at the reader's brain. I'd start by toning all of this down a bit before even worrying about the serious matter of actual content.
On actual content though as I don't have much more time to finish this out.
Stanzas man, stanzas. How many times do I need to say it? The ideas are running together with this odd mixture of loose/drawn out and short/compact. Usually these would lead to me being able to stop and accept a bit of the crap happening but instead I get rushed along to the next thing, thanks to the spotty punctuation. Perhaps not full stops in the standard 4 line thing but some commas here and there would help the flow along.
You've already got this weird consistency of exclamation marks but some regular periods would slow the roll down a bit. Just add a bit of chill to you bouncing around here.
The whole thing is bouncing between themes, not something I usually mind but you're just hopping universes here man and that's distracting. the entire thing is just distracting. That's the nice way of describing how this poem is formatted. It snags at the end of every line and just sounds like an accumulation of left over teenage angst. That's the only way I can accurately figure this out.
Imagery? Sort of there but not really, which is the whole poem in a nutshell. It does have this underlying religious tones and faith complaints sticking it to it but not enough to keep my attention for more than 10 lines.
So yeah. That's my feelings on this. Clean it up a bit before going anywhere. Of the lines I could put two and two together with, they seemed poorly formed and the flow was just ugh.
Good day to you.
~Lady Lizz
WOW!! That is what I said when I read this poem. I Can't even describe how it made me feel. Just, wow. I have no suggestions or corrections to make, though the last three lines are a little confusing, but it may just be me not understanding them.
"Everything is in a tough layer of limestone
Everything’s been embalmed and nothing’s coming to life anymore
The Rider of the Pale HOrse is descending"
I have to say that this is my favorite part of the whole poem. Keep writing!
I would've liked to have my stanzas, but things have changed so much since I last posted stuff, I'm not sure how to anymore
read the last 4 lines as if they were molasses.
Got it!