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Wild Child's Giddy Eye

by Wriskypump


Coooouuuld, you sell me the black market?

I would daily skin a bear to trait you for it.

won’t endure a night shut in,

The Town be the butter on my bread

Some libraries, some are Riots

Whose parents should take a hike and double-take in the Sights

Look at them wasting time so precious

Get-ting stodgy, plodding a-lonnggg...


Everrrr, adding bits of others to myself

Coming to an understanding, not to waste my time like the rest

What I do so esoteric

Only to special souls I’ll ever trade life with!

The clothing’s classy, no simply sassy

And the cheer is merely cloning

I suggest we’re looking at The Proud one

Whom has been filled with itself


Upon a Time I was looking

Look back we are, at a sort-of-compenSatan

Looking right down through a rabbit-hole

For bouncy Grooves that don’t belong to earth.

Youth books it to squeeze what it is that will dare squirm or jiggle

Knowing it’s quite fruitless the whole time

Quicker than the hand when it comes to Stopping

will never be the eye

In this exotic mind-control lived I long

for it felt so Brisk & Active


This can’t be happening to me

I seemed impressive VrrooOming!!! at top speed

If only one would have come to tell me

Surely I’d have heard them out!

Could it be it’s too late for me

Or is all life ‘bout second chances?

Grope first evidences of creation, it’ll psyche yourself into consternation

Could it finely streak ‘front-of the carefree eye?

Who can lay their finger on clear-cut answer

For me, display how blobs stay sep-a-rate to their matter?

Beatific, Ho! it’s Zien’tific!

how it overlaps but does not together bleed

I ask, what kind of canvas these physics be print on?

The mind is our journey not for enjoyment

The one employment ‘bove the beasties’ condition

is intricated, room-in-ative thinkin’

I used to need to be properly Accomplished (and I don’t say that for

sure-King the response-ability)

But engrossed in the Current you might overlook a ticket free

When who accepts the fare is privileged to out-ride Hades’ hard Ships

Assured the cushy land at, t\Heir’s Destiny.

All heirs are we to Graceland if not gone so giddy that,

our Uppity Heart Fall side-tract

Bowing down to earth.


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145 Reviews


Points: 402
Reviews: 145

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Sun May 28, 2017 1:50 pm
Thisislegacy wrote a review...



Legacy here for a review.

I also had a hard time understanding what your wrote. This may mean that you should reword it. I wish I could review for content.

From what I could read, you didn't keep a steady meter (could just be that I couldn't understand it). If it doesn't have a steady meter, that would be something that you would want to work on as most lyrics keep a steady meter.

Overall, this might have to go back into the publishing center for editing. I wish you the best of luck. If you do edit and/or record this, I would love to read/listen to it. It might help me understand it more. Legacy.




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58 Reviews


Points: 2202
Reviews: 58

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Sun May 28, 2017 3:11 am
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AkeliaTaske wrote a review...



Hey again! Akelia here again for another review!

So for this poem I found it a bit...confusing to be honest. I'll explain in a second why. So again, I will review with the sections of Sour, and sweet. Sweet being everything I loved and though you did great on, and sour being things that you could improve. We'll do sour first to get it over with. Let's get started.

Sour:

A. it's my first time reviewing lyrics, so it this comment might be a bit misplaced, I don't know, but I found it quite hard to read these lyrics. When I read something I want to understand it and the meaning behind it. Also, I am used to lyrics somewhat rhyming. This was a bit difficult for me to read and understand, although I did manage to grip some of it's meaning. Prehaps if you changed it up a little bit so it went along a bit more smoothly, I believe it would help tremendously.

Sweet! :)

A. I loved the feel behind this poem, the child's want, and his excitement. This song really showed it, and it brought the sense of playfulness. Good job!

Well, that's my review. Good work on your piece! I kind of got a medieval hint in this poem, is that what this is reffering to or no? If not, my mistake. Anyway, never stop writing!

-Akelia





We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer