Coooouuuld, you sell me the black market?
I would daily skin a bear to trait you for it.
won’t endure a night shut in,
The Town be the butter on my bread
Some libraries, some are Riots
Whose parents should take a hike and double-take in the Sights
Look at them wasting time so precious
Get-ting stodgy, plodding a-lonnggg...
Everrrr, adding bits of others to myself
Coming to an understanding, not to waste my time like the rest
What I do so esoteric
Only to special souls I’ll ever trade life with!
The clothing’s classy, no simply sassy
And the cheer is merely cloning
I suggest we’re looking at The Proud one
Whom has been filled with itself
Upon a Time I was looking
Look back we are, at a sort-of-compenSatan
Looking right down through a rabbit-hole
For bouncy Grooves that don’t belong to earth.
Youth books it to squeeze what it is that will dare squirm or jiggle
Knowing it’s quite fruitless the whole time
Quicker than the hand when it comes to Stopping
will never be the eye
In this exotic mind-control lived I long
for it felt so Brisk & Active
This can’t be happening to me
I seemed impressive VrrooOming!!! at top speed
If only one would have come to tell me
Surely I’d have heard them out!
Could it be it’s too late for me
Or is all life ‘bout second chances?
Grope first evidences of creation, it’ll psyche yourself into consternation
Could it finely streak ‘front-of the carefree eye?
Who can lay their finger on clear-cut answer
For me, display how blobs stay sep-a-rate to their matter?
Beatific, Ho! it’s Zien’tific!
how it overlaps but does not together bleed
I ask, what kind of canvas these physics be print on?
The mind is our journey not for enjoyment
The one employment ‘bove the beasties’ condition
is intricated, room-in-ative thinkin’
I used to need to be properly Accomplished (and I don’t say that for
sure-King the response-ability)
But engrossed in the Current you might overlook a ticket free
When who accepts the fare is privileged to out-ride Hades’ hard Ships
Assured the cushy land at, t\Heir’s Destiny.
All heirs are we to Graceland if not gone so giddy that,
our Uppity Heart Fall side-tract
Bowing down to earth.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
LiL, aka Halfhearted Amateur, here to write a review!
I absolutely love this. I know Legacy and Akelia seem utterly confused by this song, but I think it's super fun and there are hidden gems everywhere if you search deep enough. There are wordplays and allusions scattered throughout this challenging map of a song. I think it's like/similar to a sea chanty. You'd have to have read and watched the books and movies this song is referring to in order to identify and recognize the sneaky allusions hidden within this song. It has word play similar to Matilda: The Musical's song School Song but this song is a medieval version. You really are a talented writer.
- Lil/Halfhearted Amateur
Legacy here for a review.
I also had a hard time understanding what your wrote. This may mean that you should reword it. I wish I could review for content.
From what I could read, you didn't keep a steady meter (could just be that I couldn't understand it). If it doesn't have a steady meter, that would be something that you would want to work on as most lyrics keep a steady meter.
Overall, this might have to go back into the publishing center for editing. I wish you the best of luck. If you do edit and/or record this, I would love to read/listen to it. It might help me understand it more. Legacy.
Hey again! Akelia here again for another review!
So for this poem I found it a bit...confusing to be honest. I'll explain in a second why. So again, I will review with the sections of Sour, and sweet. Sweet being everything I loved and though you did great on, and sour being things that you could improve. We'll do sour first to get it over with. Let's get started.
Sour:
A. it's my first time reviewing lyrics, so it this comment might be a bit misplaced, I don't know, but I found it quite hard to read these lyrics. When I read something I want to understand it and the meaning behind it. Also, I am used to lyrics somewhat rhyming. This was a bit difficult for me to read and understand, although I did manage to grip some of it's meaning. Prehaps if you changed it up a little bit so it went along a bit more smoothly, I believe it would help tremendously.
Sweet!
A. I loved the feel behind this poem, the child's want, and his excitement. This song really showed it, and it brought the sense of playfulness. Good job!
Well, that's my review. Good work on your piece! I kind of got a medieval hint in this poem, is that what this is reffering to or no? If not, my mistake. Anyway, never stop writing!
-Akelia