Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
A/N: Okay, so except for the 3rd Stanza, most of this is not figurative speech
Frigid Winter spares they who in summer accounted Autumn's chill frost
Israel surrounded: is there hidd'n Cost? intent to harm? 'Tis a curse to be too Heroic
or too Dramatic: and too smart or too slow you have to learn how to Fend off Castigation
A middle-aged female heads as the local Historian
but it's doubtful even one as this can tell where the lies encroach and the truth departs from
The People. . .
Sunrise occurs in the East just like normal: but Amidst decades of summer days just as these
black munitions have been delivered in sleight of semi-Truckery to underground bunkers and
This New Day Cannot be Disremembered: The bio-engineered Mutants will make Chaoses of the cities & Collosses crowd unwary citizens who watched the Satanism play "Politician" &
humanitarian atheism
pretend to write History Books Caught in the middle logg-jamming Journals full of complacence: Profligate on manners; slow to char out any truth with discretion:
Show to the watching, generous Acts; But These t’Eleviisionairies sell it to ‘em watching
“Doc, we've No Time to delve into Tragedies when we’re all Comedians,” but Calamity swells
One's Roots with being wise
howbeit they wanted, every man, to be his own Judge;
Alright but get this
some trophyit is that gets strait a;s minus Philosophy Class
and that is aTrophy...
Military gun underground to fend itself with all peace & quiet: Brook of the pasture is camouflage
bEEF the cows to Slaughterhouse Inauguration
for The Two Grand Estate Holders loft a Veil so who would ever guess a cellar-DWElling Firepole
disillusioned expectation-colleCtant boy upbraids the "scary-Fit” War-commando for all He withheld
Ever-so-gracefully his Compassionate Friend, grants his immaturatey
amnesty: The Bridger plan J.C.
dispensing out Moonbeams in lemon-lime crescents:
Chief Vet knows to Withhold jokers up his sleeve
for Better or Worse
There's only 2Directions mankind can walk, |?,,. ttoo looonnng & tooo Fa--ahhRR
They can't do: They can just realize they’re in The Fold
or think they’ve broken free with glee to the Woods
& be Flatter'd by a Wolfpack
the gaunt skeletons waving from inside cartoons: a lack of motion giving off the disposition;
And the signs of the Prophets were murals on the Walls inside the International Airport of Denver
There is no peace like the rivers abiding near Kedar, and no lethargy
like he who puts forth no genuine Sensation to nibble at Questions of the Inevitable Doom
But this Rock is like no other you've ever seen & there's no Superiority but my Hand's Monopoly on life
I Am as King Will you Continue evolving? Surely,
There was a preacher not too long back when who didn’t really care about God,
and his son was Charles Darwin
aWare would you try on a fit for new Genes ??? Because not one man has yet gone x-Man X-cept in a white-walled test subject room
Therefore I hate that you burden yourself with incantations witch are
meditations Sugarcoaxed; Stop, STOP for a second and envision What set it all up,
won't you?? Delighting you were Good,
I Smiled on the Seventh, a trillion # Galaxies WIiiDE
but only over Yours
I wish to never quit Watching Out for you: but Somebody I'll name who once played God won't
let you hear the end of My Love counts on your virtues intact: But+But+But
I exposed his revenge Attack on humans’ artless blunderbuss; I named him The Father of Lies
For starters (or for enders right here)
I'd like to say there's little more to say even tho the story gets longer
The pages unable to keep from turning, for the righteous who are not righteous by the way
They SAW suitably, wanted the Destination of my Arms, and WAS Renewed.
I set It up for you To Overcome, taking notices lowly but surely your lacks and my Strength
Churning in ness-essities of pain is restoring My Story, remolding to the roll of my Honor System:
I made it simple and available and unconditional to Call to Me & seed The Win (which is to
Venture On past literary novels and revert to picture books, little childrend)
but Cause this earthly War of free will I permitted for your challenges
You wouldn’t live Apart to me, blinded with Whips of Diverse cancers & since I died 2,
How can you call your distress injustice?
Departing while walking daily amuckh the LandsLide's crud,
Holy man is simply a sep-Arated Vessel and nothing short of morally extraordinary
(not without shortfalls, but I Surprise them for constantly Traipsing thro' the treasury of
My unlocks,
as for their lifesakes I go discovering to them the coarsE & nasty scabs over
All things you can presently see):
When will you get it; there is no mystery, I wouldn't leave it up to that: for that
would allow for every imaginable deaf-ignitions of Tenebrous to be in the dictionary
WHEN I DON'T WANT THE FALSEHOOD cRaziNESs OF BEING AMBIGUOUS
Unfortunately, for leaving it to others’ business & your nose to your own,
you've compelled a future of compliance to accomplishments
(everyone else now dreaming America's Dream)
and through your inattempts to listen to the correct Portrayal of
"One sweet Bite to, Me, the Gardener's humiliation"
were not allowed to Distinguiji the Board of Congressionals voluptuous & gentle
, votes like downhill-headed water for the scheme Of inward ballots
scraping off One, By, One
what the machinations of wickedness are evolving to be acceptable & wiping back the moral
Trade of the Judge every day since the scurrying leisure of the '20s
All the Easter eggs
dropped in the cinema thread thru one dimension to Intertwine with your unbroken stream of reality
It's only a matter of time till Satan's 4 horses of Harassment hoof it in spite of malicious-fictitious animatistical Jest
And their fEATure-presented creatures shall step OfF the screen , Once upon thiS time
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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This is Nikayla here dropping in for another review on Review Day!

You truly seem persistent in this art style of yours--or rather, you don't seem to be letting up on the way in which you write poetry. What I have found is that you don't seem to do a whole lot of editing and instead write from your very core? And that is something that I've found to be interesting though its overall effectiveness might be lost sometimes due to writing it in this way. Maybe that's why you choose to use all this capitalization or punctuation.
Or at least, that's primarily what I want to think because I'm going to doubt that you intend for any meaning in capitalizing the 's' in 'thiS' in your last line or writing feature in the way that you did. This time it seems that you're more careful with where you put it--or it seems that you've held off on using as much of it. When coping out the poem without any of the odd capitalizations that you tend to use (what I sometimes do if I'm having a really hard time reading it) it's actually pretty effective this time around, I've found.
This one happened to be easier to follow for me so I believe that you've succeeded with that and I do have to say that I'm a lot more fond of your poetry that is referencing Jesus less because I certainly understand it better since I'm always a little confused when you start rambling about religion (or at least talking about it, it seems to be a popular topic in your poetry or even just your writing) and this sort of branches out from that.
I can get behind this poem for the tone and some of the imagery that you imbue throughout and with this one I think you've finally won me over with the gaunt skeletons and the 'too long and too far'. I believe if you're more careful with where you place these stylistic choices, or if you're more smart and conservative with them, I could definitely get behind your poetry if you worked on the overall aesthetic and getting your main message across.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day. Keep writing and experimenting.
"And their fEATure-presented creatures shall step OfF the screen , Once upon thiS time " - EAT, the creatures devour us. OfF, is the creatures we see in horror films symbolically stepping off the screen, as in imagery as they step down thru the screen. thiS is like a hiss sound
Ah, I didn't notice that! Thanks for the clarification.
Hi Wrisky! Here to review some of your pieces today, I see some of them have been sitting in the Green Room for some time so let's get started!
First off, I disagree with the other reviewer who said you needed more concrete language/references, I think you had plenty of concrete language especially compared to some of your other pieces which tend to weigh more heavily on descriptive and figurative language.
The author's note is a good touch - and I would say to definitely continue doing these as it helps the reader understand your perspective especially when you're doing this sort of experimental work here.
For word choice, I actually really enjoyed the blend of more archaic language and then really modern things. There are plenty of religious and revelations references here for the reader to uncover (Israel, 4 horses, the Judge, J.C., etc).
The flow of this piece is slow to read especially with the long lines and then all the semi-colons near the beginning. I think that it might be helpful to condense this sort of piece so that the reader can stay present more in the scene rather than getting side tracked with some of the more obscure references added in. I think you are really really effective in your poetry in creating a certain feeling, tone, and clear voice (urgency, danger looming, whimsy, wonder, holiness) but I have a harder time getting out a clear message and story. There are parts of a story here, but some of the references side-track my interpretation of it. The same is true with the message. I think you might want to sort of think about exactly what message you are trying to give and then condense accordingly. Take out what isn't pertinent to this story/message and use the lines for another piece, it doesn't all have to "make sense" or be "one-minded" but I think a clearer track of movement in the piece would help the reader in interpretation.
I also want to commend you for some of the odd grammar choices in this piece! Unlike a few of your poems where I've sort of grimaced at some of the odd grammar choices you add in, I think you really balanced the odd choices here and primarily added them in a few cases where it actually helped convey the message. I liked the line where you put addition marks between the word "But", and then this phrasing "a trillion # Galaxies WIiiDE" also worked to convey meaning.
I also liked some of the "made-up" fantastical phrasing and language in the piece, a few words that stood out were "sugarcoaxed" and "disremembered" <-- good stuff here. Anyways, I hope some of these comments helped. Never stop writing!
~alliyah
Well, a good attempt you have made.
But, I will try to suggest one thing.
While, writing a poem try to be more concrete and concise. Flowery language is useful when writing about nature. But, this poem deals with a short story in verse.
I hope next time, your poem will be better framed.
Good luck.
Actually... most of it is concrete, not metaphor or anything