How can everybody be so bifurcate
Like lions in the wilderness
Like jackals in the badlands
All cozy in a neighborhood
Just hoping it stays quiet day to day
Cuz if word gets out that you’ve got problems
The gossip’s gonna get away
Well blow us all down, cuz we can’t make friends
Without having our head loosened as many times as nay
On the chopping table
When we tell the anecdotes our hearts thus needs
For an antidote
Dump on you, Puzzle-makers proficient & Accomplished
Who play down human sensitivity:
you’ve savvy, You've Flair, you’ve aptitude,
Charitable human of all your gear; you have that callous look of a wounded soul
As you perpetually shift those eyes, keeping thick-skin from any one-on-one --
Invest the money for clothes & property, elegant & cushy
But there’s acerbity locked within the chambers of That sort of House
GUSH!! & Gushing dismally in vain...
The downtrod, more than your material donations, need your patience &
personal empathy
The individual wheel & bolt is the stronghold of the entire machine
Every body’s day comes, to be chased naked by the rain…
And to recieve the lacerations that--
The only one to share your story with is the worms…
Yes, everybody’s flesh
is served the silent, itching burn
Of having absorptions of a passion, to which no one;
Except The Possessor, God The Father
is equally desirous to Get a Load Of
Oh, Comrade of the constantly-Broken!! Trick the acetic sears,
And Stop my ears:
As the Violin Sweeps o’er barren ground in this *}{shaking {age] of Earth Below }
Restfulness & Retribution comes alone, from The Great Feeder
Turn into The Everlasting, The Fountain of I AM
It’s what we’re meant to do:
Open Correction does far greater good than a mum, and secretive love
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Legacy here for a review
.
Okay so the first thing I noticed was the word bifurcate. I had to look the definition up and it means to split into two or more groups essentially. I couldn't understand the way in which you used it though, so one of us may have the wrong definition.
I don't personally understand why you have "puzzle-makers", "flair", "that", "house", and "accomplished" capitalized, and it mixed me all up.
Why does everyone have a time where they are chased by the rain whilst naked?
Why is everyone's flesh serve the silent with a burning? Also the grammar in "Yes, everybody’s flesh /is served the silent, itching burn" is weird to me. Possibly a rewording of this area would be best.
Overall, it was very difficult for me to understand the meaning of your poem, if you had any. I hope this was able to help you some. Legacy out.
Sorry it's ridiculously metaphorical. I didn't put enough literal in it for most people to comprehend apparently. Example: "being chased naked by the rain" means that everybody has at least one time in their life where they are either deprived of everything and have nothing left, or they are exposed for something shameful and secretive and they can no longer hide. Either way they are stripped and their soul is left impoverished. It goes on, that they become trapped within their own mind, and their is no one left to turn to, because everyone has been ripped from them or deserted them, "and the worms" (or bugs) are the only ones listening.
But the poem goes on - Sometimes in this battered state, a person is able to realize God is attentive and listening: that He is always there. God Gives and Takes away, and He is correcting them so that they will acknowledge Him and then He can build a way to get them back on their feet, and also following Him & His acts of righteousness which lead to eternal life.
It's the story of confusion, pursuing success in the world, finding that it's a dead-end and becoming broken, and then being shown that it's eternal life our souls are missing - and on earth our desire is never satisfied, and unquenchable (but the peace of knowing God's Promises are true, that surpasses understanding)
Well, I ernjoyed reading this poem despite having to stop repeatedly to ponder what the intended meaning was or even if meaning was intended at all. I found the poem entertainingt in the way it mixes the archaic with the common language and goes from the elegant word to the street-wise sayings and common English idoms such as:"Get a load of" "cuz" "gonna" "mum" "cushy" miixed in with such words as "nay" and the immediately eyecatching "bifurcate" which brought me to a full stop before I even got going.
To me all this created a humorous display or playeful jamboree which teases the reader in one direction then impishly yanks him to the other in a ping-pong fashion that tempts the reader to chuckle in amusement.
In short, I got the impressionm that the writer was just fooling around with language in a humorous way. One thing I found particularly humorous was the introduction of entities whom the writer seems to assume the reader is totally familiar with. On the other hand, they might just be introduced to baffle the reader and provoke a ponder and admiration for a profound truth beyond present human comprehension. Whichever one it is it is still very interesting.
One particularly humourous idea is telling us that we are all destined to be chased by the rain while we are stark naked and that all of us will get an itching burn. LOL!
Please forgive me and accept my apologies if you were not intending to be humorous. As you know, each reader will react differently to the same literature and that is just my personal reaction and no offense is intended. In any case, thanks for the very interesting read. Looking forward to your next one.
Suggesrtions.
"The downtrodden need...."
" ....acetic seers..." [A seer is a prophet who sees the future. To sear is to seal or rto close via tntense heat.] http://www.dictionary.com/browse/sear
"....hearts thus need...." [Plural = need. Singualr = needs]
How can everybody be so bifurcate[?] [Interrogatory sentences always get a question mark. There are also many sentences missing periods.]
Removing the capitalization of each first letter of each new line would improve readability. I know rthat it's traditionakl but its utility is questionable and can be very distracting.
You’ve savvy. You've Flair. You’ve aptitude. [in order to enhance consistency of style.]
Yes unfortunately the 2nd paragraph sort of runs on a little bit, which would make it hard for a reader to grasp. And I probably should have used bifurcated instead of bifurcate.
Sear is spelled correctly in the poem tho.
Thanks for the review! I can definitely see every point you have made.
To bring to light the meaning for you, I would tell you that many of those who are crushed in their soul are drawn to God by God. And once they begin to practice His law day by day to the best of their ability, turning their eyes away from worthless things of the fallen world, God starts answering prayer all around them in singular displays of Orchestration. And you just sit back in awe that their really is a God.
(unfortunately I didn't expect a lot of people to be familiar with the topic)
Thanks for the explanation. My apologies for having mistaken it for an attempt at humor.
BTW
True, the word :"sear" isn't misspelled. I just thought that you meant: "a seer" which is a prophet.
*high five* God wants to bless you richly with everlasting life. Look for Him. It kind of is a life and death situation. If you ever want everlasting life do learn more about Him <3
Thanks for the advice. However, please note that I spent the major part of my youth learning about our creator and trying to live as a Christian. At one point I was even assigned to give Bible study classes to a group of 15. If you go to my blog you will notice that I have entries there which are religious and deal with certain theological issues. So you are jumping to very hasty conclusion about me based on my misunderstanding about the poem.
Oh good! Are you still trying to follow?
Yes but not as dependent on church meetings and preaching as I had once been.
I would pm you... but it is disabled?
You sound sort of disillusioned. Did you have a bad experience or something like that? I wish I knew more. I almost lost my faith once, because I was in a ridiculous amount of pain which made me susceptible to doubts and sorrows I didn't need to have
Sorry about the PM problem. I didn't know it was turned off. I turned it back on so if you wish to converse via PM it is now available. Yes I did have many very extremely bitter experiences in churches.